Whistle series (210510)

Yesterday’s cell group discussion was about our failures and disappointment living as a Christian. So far, our spiritual records have been more abysmal than encouraging. Many of us experienced unanswered prayers. At times, these prayers were not only left unanswered, it became worse. It was like God heard our prayers for relief and decided, in one divine whim and fancy, to add one more load to our breaking back.

Then, there’s the promise of victory over life’s circumstances. Sitting on the church pews, it appeared a great sell. The preacher was wildly hurling at his congregants one great promise after another. Promises of perpetual health, unceasing wealth, irrepressible joy and anxiety-free living flooded the church tabernacle like the latter day rain. Everybody was empowered, energized and revived. But Sunday victory turned into Monday stalemate with the rest of the week becoming less promising than the day before. Then, one trial comes our way and we become befuddled, confused. Our faith got a fair beating and we become disillusioned. We become discouraged, at times defeated. The struggle goes on day after day and we do not seem to be closer to our spiritual goal of becoming more Christ-like. Some days, we even entertain the thought of giving up, throwing in the towel. Other days, we tell ourselves that we should just drift along with the Sunday Christian crowd, going through the motion, blindly obeying the rituals, and hoping that Christ does not return any time soon.

Our cell group was frank about our yo-yo existence as a Christian. Sometimes we were way up there and got a whiff of God’s presence and saw a wink of approval from Him. At other times, we were way below, licking our own wounded faith, doubting God and resigning to a life of mediocrity. Indeed, being a Christian is real hard work. Grace is definitely not cheap. The Cross is not light. The trials of life are surely raw and real. And hope can be as mischievous as an imp playing hide and seek with us when we need it most. So, what are we to do with our faith? How can we overcome this yo-yo existence? What must we do to get out of this spiritual rut, wandering in our own spiritual wilderness?

It is tempting here to give formulaic, step-by-step, one-size-fit-all answers to how to grow your faith. It is easy to tell you in this letter that you should surrender all to God, trust in Him regardless of your circumstances, and put your hope on the rock of your salvation. It is even easier to turn the finger at your own failings and blame all your spiritual backtracking and doubts on your lack of faith and trust in God. But, I find such exercise futile and at times insulting. I believe that there are countless numbers of Christians out there trying their level best to make faith ends meet. Many are troubled by a premature death in the family. Many are facing stark life choices that are equivalent to a choice between the devil and the deep blue sea. Many are praying for relief or answers but are receiving a deafening silence in return. Does God care? Is God there? Will God be fair?

Earlier I said that grace is not cheap and the Cross is not light. Well, of course, grace is free and salvation is a gift. But living the Christian life is anything but cheap, free and a given. I guess that is why many are called but few will endure to the end. It is at this time that we must ask ourselves this: How do we view God? Who is God to us? I believe that how we see God will determine how far we will go with Him. Is our God a nice God, always smiling, readily generous, and eternally forgiving? Or is our God a God of justice, a God who is wholly sovereign, in control of everything, and whose thoughts are above ours, whose actions are often incomprehensible, and whose promises are surefooted but at times, escape our human expectations? I am sure you can see how such differences in our conception of God will determine how we live our Christian life, how our faith is conditioned, and how we will endure in our Christian walk?

If we believe in a soft, nice, and pushover God, then it won’t take long for us to be disappointed in our Christian walk. It also shows our lack of knowledge about Him. It also turns our so called God into a genie in an Aladdin’s bottle, whose existence is essentially to serve our spiritual needs and material wants. This reminds me of a tale in Hollywood. It tells of a sultry lady performer strutting onto one of the grand stages and dressed in a sexually provocative gown, with little or nothing on. She then told the rowdy, mostly men crowd that she prayed before coming up on stage for God to help her career and she thanked God for answering her prayer. Beloved, this is how lopsided our faith can become when we take God’s goodness for granted and live our Christian life expecting God to be at our beck and call.

Let’s face this truth now: God is not going to grant everything you ask of Him. Let’s not forget that He is our Creator, not our butler or porter. Job learned this the hard and unfortunate way. He lost everything and then gained everything back, all in one short lifetime, with not even an explanatory note tagged to it. In our limited perspective, it seems like God was playing a cruel joke with his life. CS Lewis had his beloved wife taken from him without forewarning and he cried foul play. Many great men and women of God endured untold sufferings, dying young, dying in pain, and dying alone. All Jesus’ disciples shared the same tragic fate and became the seeds of martyrs where the church was founded.

Indeed, God is not nice. He is not a people-pleaser. He is not a livewire of the party, going from table to table, clinking champagne glasses and cheering everyone on. The Bible is clear about God profiling. He is good but not nice. He is cool but not popular. He is a master-planner and not a partisan spin-doctor. He makes thing happen but sometimes not in a way that we’d like it; at times, even contrary to our most benign expectations. He answers to no one. He cannot be measured by any man-made standards. He cannot be reduced into a mathematical formula or captured in a Polaroid photo-shot. Most of all, He is sovereign and in control. And in all these, God knows what He is doing and knows what’s best for us in the long run. Romans 8:28 puts it in its categorical best when it writes, “And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.”

It is now up to us to move out of our comfort zone. We should worship God for who He really is and not what we think or hope He should be. God should not be amended to our expectations. Instead we should be amended to His. Let us sharpen ourselves in readiness to do God’s work and not be caught off guarded when God comes calling. Let’s not have any preconceived ideas about God. It is so easy to impose our own man-made logic onto our faith and expect God to conform to it. For example, if God is all loving and all powerful, we would expect Him to eradicate all sufferings. The human logic is to expect no pain, no tears and no more shame. But is this how it works? Is this God’s manner of operation? When we pray for deliverance, we expect God to deliver according to the scripture. But should it be that way? What if this was not how God manages this universe? What if there is more to it than meets the eye?

Of course, I am not saying that God does not answer prayer. We know he does. I am not saying that He does not heal. We know He does. But there’s the other side of the mystery coin. Sometimes, he doesn’t. He seems silent. He even seems distant. And our prayers go unanswered. Our cry, unheeded. Our pain, unresolved.

This is where we are called to draw strength and hope from Romans 8:28. I know this is not a perfect answer. It is not even a good answer when we are so desperate for one to cling on to. But maybe, God doesn’t want to give us a good answer. Maybe a good answer is not what’s best for us. Maybe, a good answer will leave little room for faith, hope and trust and God deems it best that we should continue to trust in Him by withholding a good answer from us. Maybe a good answer comes in a form of an internal assurance to persevere for an eternal reward. If you read how Apostle Paul struggled with the thorn in his flesh (2 Corinthians 12:7-10), how he prayed thrice for relief and got nothing close to it, you can empathize with the anguish he must have felt over unanswered prayers. But this is just one side of the coin. The other side was God’s assurance in these revelatory words to Paul, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.”

With this assurance, however encrypted and undecipherable to the human mind, Paul accepted his affliction with gladness and went on to do the one thing that defied all human logic, he boasted about his infirmities! In celebratory mood, he shouted these words from the rooftops, “Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in needs, in persecutions, in distresses, for Christ’s sake. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” Imagine, at our regular Saturday’s miracle services, we bounce onto stage and praise God for unhealed ailments, unanswered intercessions and unresolved relationships and expect the audience to applaud together with us! Talk about having logic smashed straight into our face!

I have learned that in the same way that there is joy in answered prayers, there is also joy in unanswered prayers. But the latter joy is more profound, more sublime, more fulfilling because it shows where our faith and heart really is. The ministry of Jesus is partly the ministry of partaking in his sufferings. There is a lot to say about a persistent faith that is bruised by trial fire than one which is inflated by empty adulation and pampered by succeeding wealth.

Indeed, there is a time for everything, a time to born and a time to die, to plant and to pluck; a time to weep and a time to laugh, to mourn and to dance. Sooner or later, our faith will be tested and the time will come for us to brave through it with our faith intact. Will we be ready? Will we overcome? Will we know the time? Let me close with this exemplary words from a martyr of God, Ignatius, “The time make demands on you in the same way a sailor requires wind and as one tossed by the sea requires a safe harbor. Be vigilant as God’s athlete. Stand firm like an anvil under the blow of the hammer. It is the part of the great athlete to receive blows and to conquer. Be yet more diligent than you are. Learn to know the times.”

Have a victorious week ahead. Take good care.

Whistle series (140510)

How do you start a new cult? How do you enrich yourself and your posse (gang) through a new belief? How do you recruit members into your new dark religion? Let’s face it. As long as we are human beings, we will believe in something or someone. That thing or person can be an impersonal force or an animated object. And this object of our belief has to be existentially beneficial to us. It must profit us somehow, whether in the short or long term. And because we are all incurably religious, unchangingly dependable (on others, especially an authority figure), and understandably ignorant on most subjects, the stage is already set for many cults or strange religious beliefs to flourish or thrive.

There are essentially 6 straightforward ingredients to start a cult and if you persist in it, with the tenacity of a militia commander, you can very well succeed in growing your own cult into a worldwide phenomenon.

Needless to say, the first ingredient is a leader. This is obvious. Even more blindingly obvious, is to have a leader who is dynamic and charismatic. It is even better if your leader is a little wonker on the side, or mentally imbalance. This will of course rule out the insane or mentally unsound for obvious reason. But, like they say, all geniuses have a little insanity in them. So, your leader has to be a mental soloist, a frontier explorer or an emotional outlier; someone who lives on the edge of reality. Or, someone who is willing to push reality to the edge to serve his own twisted purpose.

You can find such a person in an ultra-religious meeting, a you-can-do-anything-if-you-believe seminar or a trailer park for social outcasts. The one trait to look out for is a narcissistic personality. This person must love himself more than he loves anything in this world or this entire universe. Also helpful is a bigoted outlook. This person must hate some people in some part of the world for no seemingly logical reasons. It can be the color, the sex or the race of the people that irks him to his grave. Or, it may just be a person’s demeanor, dressing or talking style. Whatever it is, this future cult leader of yours must be a people hater, period.

So, let me repeat the two traits to look out for in a cult leader. He must be a self-lover and an others-hater. Once you have found such a person (which is not too difficult to find in this materialistic, self-absorbed, power-driven world), half of your job is done. The other five ingredients will naturally fall into place in your quest to set up a successful new cult.

The second ingredient is a supernatural experience. This relates to the leader himself, and is personally exclusive to him. He must be able to come up with an extraterrestrial, divine-inspired encounter in the likes of ET and Star Trek. Your leader can take lessons from Joseph Smith who claimed that he met with an angel called Moroni who gave him two gold tablets for translation into the Book of Mormonism. Or Mary Baker Eddy who, in a lucky fall, came up with the foundational doctrine of her Christian Science Movement. She also claimed that she was miraculously healed of illnesses and was a divine messenger of God.

The third ingredient is a belief for deluded members to surf on. This relates to the prospective congregation as whole. A cult leader cannot stop with a supernatural experience without leading his members to the purpose such supernatural experience aim to bring. In other words, the exclusive encounter of the cult leader has to be interpreted and applied in the form of belief. So, the more outrageous the belief, the better. Just as grandiose is your leader, your belief must be equally, if not more, grandiose. This second task is not too hard. Just engage a credible Hollywood scriptwriter or read some out-of-this-world science friction to cook up some pseudo-theological mumbo-jumbo and you would have gleefully arrived at the sweet spot of make-believe.

The fourth ingredient is to be a copy cat. They say plagiarism is the highest form of compliment to the original works or author. So, your cult will need the extra rocket fuel to boost it into fantasy orbit by borrowing ideas from orthodox religions, in particular, Christianity or Judaism. This step is basically to add meat to your bony belief. The best and easiest way is to promote your leader as the messiah and all that he says as veritable gospel truth. It would be better if your leader could plan a divine coup and take over the Mercy Seat of God. I call this fourth step, “Dethroning the Orthodoxy”. Many false prophets have already claimed that they are the second adam, the Christ, the Savior of this world. And the second coming has arrived.

This self-propagation will give the leader the license to do anything and get away with it. Warren Jeff, the ex-leader of the Church of Jesus of the Fundamentalist Latter-days Saints, had done just that. He got away with many things because his members worshipped him as the Christ. He got away with the celestial marriages of 180 wives, a coffer of more than a hundred million dollars under a Trust that he practically controlled, and men who are prepared to take a bullet for him and women, even young girls, who are all too ready to throw their virginity at him.

Now comes the fifth ingredient. This is the ingenious part and it is embedded in this caption, “Salvation by works only.” Unlike Christianity, where we are saved by faith through grace, a free love gift from God, your cult cannot “cheapen” itself to that profession. It has to be by works or rituals and by works or rituals only. Mormonism, for example, is up to its blistered neck with rituals. They have the Mormon temple ceremony, the secret handshakes and the reception of special undergarments. The last ritual sounds like what Tom Jones would get thrown at during his mega-concerts. You see, the last thing that you want in a cult is to cut off the middle man. You need to make the leader the sole custodian and dispenser of salvation. He would have to stand in between his illusory god and his disillusioned members. Telling them that they are already saved by faith through a free gift without any say from the cult leader would give your member full autonomy (or freedom) to come to their god directly. This would make the leader redundant. This is a big NO-NO for cults to survive and thrive.

Another point to note is that it is incumbent on your leader to make the goal of salvation as unreachable as possible. The members must always fall short of the leader’s peacock-like glory. It is therefore a never-ending measuring up of the unrealizable self-professed perfect attributes of the leader. But keep all things in tactical balance. The members must not be too discouraged as to give up altogether. Your leader must be able to give timely pet-talks to further deepen the delusion, add apocalyptic end-time predictions now and then, and arouse the members with false prophesies, placebo physical healings, and self-glorying testimonies to keep the false hope afloat.

In short, it is important to monopolize salvation and to keep it close to your leader’s chest as if his life depended on it. Remember, the moment you liberalize salvation, your leader and cult will become obsolete, and your members will be free to seek the truth for themselves. More likely than not, they will find it and your membership, your secret personal property accumulation, your bank account embezzlement, and your wives acquisition will all suffer irreparable damage.

Finally, the sixth ingredient to establishing a successful cult is to always keep your organizational structure tightly controlled. The best structure for a cult is morbid authoritarianism. There must be a clear line of authority from your untouchable, unfathomable leader to his deluded Hench men and to his starved-for-truth members. Very much like a Mafioso family structure, your cult will benefit from a culture of fear, intimidation and threat of life and limbs. Always let your members know who’s the boss in the organization and never hesitate to punish, with immediate effect and stringency, any transgressors, rules-infringers and rebels to set an example for all members to follow.

In a rather twisted way, your cult leader will have to keep another insidious balance in mind, that is, the strategic balance of vain hope and villainous fear. Keep the pulse of your members close to your leader’s heart and always read the right signals coming from the congregants. When hope is down, pump it up with more delusionary sermons. When freedom is loosening out, rein it in with fear of earthly and afterlife punishments. Threats that one may lose his or her salvation for disobedience are a good measure to keep one’s member in his or her place.

So, after all is said and done, let me leave you with this quote from Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn for your pleasure-gnawing, “You can have power over people as long as you don’t take everything away from them. But when you’ve robbed a man of everything, he’s no longer in your power.”

Remember that your cult is only as powerful as your next obedient member. When you lose control over your members, when they see through your gimmick and hypocrisy, you will bleed membership. So, don’t take away hope, an invaluable spiritual bait, from your members. Hope is the glue that keeps your cult “alive and kicking” and you will do well to not be miserly about dispensing it once in a while. Essentially, you can take everything from your members, their property, their integrity and their intellect, but leave a slender tortuous trail of hope behind for their feeble picking. Once this is done, no matter what happens, your members will be more than prepared to risk their lives for you.

Dear cell, please bear with me on this very peculiar letter to you. I am just trying to make use of "reverse psychology" to belabor a sore point. I know this is unconventional, even highly provocative at times. But I believe in the diversity of teaching and this is just one of them, I guess. It is hope that those who read it will get the not-so-cryptic message. My main motivation for writing it in this twisted way is to vent my pent-up frustration after having read so many accounts of how seemingly intelligent people can believe in such outwardly dumb things!

Whistle series (140510)

Why would any sane individual follow a mad man? Why would one give his life, wealth and wife to a cult leader? What makes a cult leader so attractive, seductive and irresistible to his followers? When we talk about cults, one recent leader comes to mind. His name is Warren Jeffs. He is the prophet and leader of the Church of Jesus of the Fundamentalist Latter-day Saints (“FLDS”). By his own standard, he is a self-proclaimed, one and only, true prophet representing God and all other churches and faith are apostasy. His words and sermons were treated with great authority by his many followers, even to the extent of having precedence over the Bible. In fact, Warren Jeffs was the one who uttered these words, which I guess should be adopted as a shining mantra for all cults, “Perfect obedience produces perfect faith, which results in perfect people.” This is the underlining theme of all cults and the reason why so many of them grow and flourish in such a short time.

Human beings are incurably religious, so they say. But more relevantly, we are incurably gullible, incurably lost and incurably impressionable. In our search for meaning in this world, we are ready to subscribe to anything and sacrifice everything to fill up the void, the emptiness in our hearts. That is why cults and occults cannot help but grow exponentially. When Jesus told Peter and Andrew that they would become “fishers of men”, my thoughts are immediately turned to these deranged cultic leaders using and twisting Jesus’ metaphor for their own selfish, and sometimes murderous, ends. Often it is the bait that hides the hook and the more attractive the bait, the more irresistible it is to the gullible fishes. Like fishes, cults have an ala carte of attractive ideas for its members. Often these ideas appeal to the lost because they have grown bore and restless with their own orthodox religion and practices.

The attractiveness, or I should say, the seduction, of cults is in their claims and their leaders. Their claims are not only simply exaggerated but fabulously sensational. Take Joseph Smith, the founder of Mormonism, for example. His story is typical of the origination of most cults. According to Smith, an angel called Moroni appeared to him and instructed him to translate two golden plates. Smith did just that and the Book of Mormon was duly in circulation. He also claimed that John the Baptist appeared to him and ordained him to accomplish the divine work of restoring the one true Church. Next comes the unification church led by rev. Sun Myung Moon. Moon claims that in 1935 Jesus appeared to him on a mountain in Korea and told him to finish the work of establishing God’s kingdom on earth. The blasphemy did not end there. Moon further proclaimed that he is the messiah of the second coming and his wife is the Holy Spirit. But Moon was not alone in his megalomaniacal delusion. Another fanatic was David Koresh. He was convinced that he was the “Lamb of God” who would break the seven seals to herald in the Apocalypse and the second coming of Christ.

It is not difficult to see how these self-glorifying proclamations can be irresistibly attractive to those who are looking for the next religious wave to surf their deluded faith on. For this reason, many ex-cultists took many years to be rehabilitated into the society. Many said that they had difficulty adjusting to orthodox Protestant and Methodist churches or mainstream religious faiths because their pastors or church leaders were not charismatic or dynamic enough. Many missed their former cultist leader’s claim of having many visitations from the spiritual realm. They also missed the extra-biblical revelations from their former leaders. For example, Warren Jeffs was fond of scaring his members by telling them to sell all that they have to join him as the last days are drawing nigh. Traditional seven-day adventist churches were also obsessed with the end time crystal-ball gazing. Many so called end time predictions were made and dates set for the Christ’s second coming but none came true. But there was always a reason for the failed prophecies. One of the most used and abused reasons was that their god had decided to postpone the date of Christ’s second coming so as to give the misguided members more time to repent. Ridiculously, many members bought the lame excuse hook, line and sinker, and stayed on with the cult, waiting eagerly for the next end-time forecast.

But the apostle Paul had already warned us about these false prophets. 2 Corinthians 11:13-15 issues this warning, “For such false apostles, deceitful workers, transforming themselves into the apostle of Christ. And no wonder! For Satan himself transforms himself into an angel of light. Therefore it is no great thing if his ministers also transform themselves into ministers of righteousness.”

The late scientist Carl Sagan once said that extraordinary claims require extraordinary evidence. Logically, extraordinary claims made by these deviant cultist leaders naturally require extraordinary evidence. But somehow, the logic got lost with its members. Or maybe, it has nothing to do with logic. I always believe that the members cannot give up their cults because their cults define them, even to the extent that they have to pay an ugly price for continuing with the cults. Many members are lost without their cult, their rituals and their perverted beliefs. They draw their identity, their sense of self-worth, their communal spirit, and their reason for existence from their cults. As such, they are not so much concerned with the complete lack of evidence to support their leader’s ridiculous claims to divine falsehood and exclusive entitlements. The evidence doesn’t matter, not the slightest bit. It is the culture, community and lifestyle surrounding the cult that they cannot do without.

Essentially, we are looking for salvation. We are looking for another way to live our life – a way to escape the drudgery of daily grind, daily work and daily familiarity. Familiarity indeed breeds contempt. It is an empty heart that easily nurtures and harbors such contempt. Because we try to understand the gospel with our head instead of our heart, we become restless souls seeking for the next spiritual sensation to titillate our senses. But the Bible is clear about our endless quest for the next spiritual pick-me-up, it will inevitably end up more empty and meaningless than we first started.

If you compare materialism with the cults, you will note that they both share a common denominator: that is, discontentment. There is never a point of satisfaction for those who strive for one material goal after another. Possessing more only makes him want more; and wanting more pushes him to possess more. It is clearly an endless spiral down into the abyss of discontentment. Many forget that the self will never settle for what is enough. That is why materialism like the cults is wholly superficial and phony. This shockingly amusing quote from two American professors, Jean Twenge and Keith Campbell, which describes how phony the American materialistic culture, should shed a good light on the cults and their culture, “We have phony rich people (with interest-only mortgages and piles of debt), phony beauty (with plastic surgery and cosmetic procedures), phony athlete (with performance-enhancing drugs), phony celebrities (via reality TV and You Tube), phony genius students (with grade inflation), phony national economy (with $11 trillion of government debt), phony feelings of being special among children (with parenting and education focused on self-esteem above all else) and phony friends (with the social networking explosion).” I guess this is how a cult member feels about their deluded leader when all his lies and false promises are revealed.

Generally, members join cults because they are looking for an alternative to the Christian gospel. Boredom with the truth because church activities and preaching are becoming too predictable and too familiar is the one common factor for members to leave the church and join the cults. But Jesus has already made it clear about the way to salvation. It is inevitably the narrow gate. Matthew 7:13-14 puts it this way, “Enter by the narrow gate; for the gate is wide and the way is easy, that leads to destruction, and those who enter by it are many. For the gate is narrow and the way is hard, that leads to life, and those who find it are few.” I guess GK Chesterton puts it best when he wrote that the problem with Christianity is not that it has been tried and found wanting but it has been found difficult and left untried.

The truth is this, there is no comfortable solution to our problems. We cannot conveniently go from one spiritual excitement to another to look for ways to fill our soul and spirit with meaning. Jesus had laid the foundation for a successful Christian life and it has nothing to with us, our interests or our goals. Jesus is asking for us to make a radical commitment to take the road often less traveled and invariably this narrow way demands our practical obedience, not just our verbal consent or intellectual understanding. It is radical because it has a price tag to it and requires our daily submission and sacrifice. It is therefore a relationship with Jesus that opens the narrow gate to our hearts. This relationship is not advanced by serving more, giving more and attending more. We have mistaken doing with just being; where doing more is to make us look good before others and just being with Jesus at His feet is to make Jesus look good in us. One is self-glorification and the other is God-magnification.

Of course, no one of us can achieve perfection or holiness in this short lifetime. But surrendering our heart is a voluntary act of the personal will and it can be cultivated. Its cultivation requires effort, discipline and perseverance. It takes time but it is not beyond reach. That is why Jesus commands us to make the radical commitment to be transformed like Him. This is the narrow gate that Jesus is talking about and only a surrendered heart can find it.

Dr Ravi Zacharias, in his book Can Man Live Without God, wrote about this story that gives an intimate sense of how a heart can experience true transformation.

“Dr E Stanley Jones, a famed and noted missionary to India who was respected and admitted even by Mahatma Gandhi, used to tell the story of a man, a devout Hindu government official, to whom he was trying to explain the concept of the cross. The man kept reiterating to Dr Jones that he could not possibly make sense of the cross and of the love of God. Their conversations on this subject were circular and seemingly unsolvable to his satisfaction.

One day, through a series of circumstances, the man involved himself in an extramarital affair that tormented his conscience. He could live with himself no longer, and finally, looking into the eyes of his devoted wife, he told her the heartrending story of his betrayal. The hours and days of anguish and pain became weeks of heaviness in her heart. Yet, as she weathered the early shock, she confessed to him not only her deep sense of hurt but also the promise of her undying commitment and love.

Suddenly, almost like a flash of lightning illuminating the night sky and the landscape below, he found himself muttering, “Now I know what it means to see love crucified by sin.” He bent his knees in worship of his Savior and embraced his wife anew with the solemnity of life’s binding commitment.”

Indeed, we will never experience our Savior’s love until we have experienced our very own. In the same way, we will never experience true transformation until our hearts are first surrendered to God.

Free your heart to soar on eagle’s wings this weekend.

Whistle series (300410)

Can man really live without God? Can man still be moral without religion? Can we find meaning in this world without believing in a transcendental being? Well your answer will be different depending on which side of the fence you are on. The bias is as thick and sticky as cement glue. Dr Richard Dawkins, the atheist extraordinaire, has scored many persuasive polemical hits on the side of atheism to say that religion is largely redundant in this modern age of technology and advanced science. It used to be that religion plays an important role in explaining our world (or our universe). The world was deemed to have been created by God. Natural phenomena like rainfalls, storms and the solar eclipses were easily explained away by the proverbial acts of God. Religion also laid the foundation for morality and ethics. The Ten Commandments (Decalogue) was the moral code to live by for centuries after Moses descended from Mount Sinai. Religion was a consolation balm for many. The scriptures have many things to say to console the broken hearts, the downtrodden and the deeply depressed. Lastly, religion was undeniably a source of inspiration to countless believers. Ask Michelangelo, Leonardo, Newton and Einstein and they can all testify to the mystical powers of religion to lift the spirit and power one’s curiosity.

So, religion had been a potent force in the society, changing lives for the better, building civilization one brick at a time, and holding communities together.

But, in recent times, people in the mold of Richard Dawkins beg to differ. They think that the role of religion is largely exaggerated and over-rated. One cannot depend on Genesis to explain the beginning of the universe and life itself. Evolution is a much better, more reliable theory to explain the first spark of life and the beginning of all. How about morality? Well, the atheists have ganged up together to preach a new moral code for humanity. Morality to them is now decided by reason alone and not by any reference to the Bible. They are of the view that any non-believer with some basic common sense can instinctively come up with the Ten Commandments because men are inclined not to steal, kill and dishonor their parents.

Moreover, the recent sexual abuses of the Catholic priests have thrown much doubt and suspicion on the effectiveness of religion to maintain the moral fibre of the society. As for its consolation effects, religion is no better than any humanistic counseling to restore confidence, lift the mood and speed recovery for the depressed and near suicidal. Finally, religion also falls short on the inspiration side. Many great scientists who won the Nobel prizes do not subscribe to any religion in any form or substance. They are mostly atheists or agnostics, relying on their own intellect to pursue and unravel the mysteries of this world, one experiment at a time.

So, it appears that man can really live without God and still succeed and prosper in this modern scientific age. But, is religion really redundant? Is it time for God to retire and consign himself to a cosmic old folk celestial home? Has humanity reached a point in history to become deciders of their own destiny, fashioners of their own fate, and achievers of their own ambitions? Have we succeeded in building our own tower of Babel to dethrone God and enthrone ourselves for eternity?

Well, let’s not get ahead of ourselves. There is one place that we have yet to conquer, dominate or subdue. This is a place we are most intimately acquainted with. This is place where all good and evil are birthed and take flight. This place is our heart; the human heart. Scientists of all ages can boast that they have unveiled the vast cosmos, solved most mysteries of life and nature, and advanced our understanding to a point where we are infinitely smarter than our primate cousins. But, the human heart is, to this very day, still very much untamed, vacant at most times, and broken and desolate, largely bereft of hope and deprived of meaning. Victor Hugo once said, “The world was made for the body, the body for the soul, and the soul made for God.” I believe we all live life of quiet desperation, mistaking titles, fame and money as the ultimate fulfillments of life.

One of the greatest mistakes of mankind is sadly one of metrics. We have measured ourselves against the wrong standards. We align ours values and ambitions against the world standards and realize that all our secular achievements are but only superficially satisfying. As we have failed to measure ourselves before God, we have failed to live life to the fullest, with meaning and exuberant hope. A philosopher once said, “All of man’s miseries are a reflection of his grandeur.”

Essentially, we have failed, or refused to admit, that we exist in partnership (or collaboration) with God, our maker. It was meant to be a purposeful relationship between the Creator and His creation. The world was created by God for us. But, we have rebelled against that order. We took creation into our own hands and wring it around to serve our own selfish ends. We live without God and allow our personal ambition full reign. This order against nature has tainted and perverted all our earthly senses and bloated our ego. And the pride of man is ultimately a destructive force of nature. When man live without God, he lives for himself, he reasons for himself, and he strives for himself. Everything around him, all his relationships, all his material wealth and resources, are essentially means to his own ends.

But let’s be clear. A man who lives without God can still be moral. He can still be good, making an honest living and loving his family as much as he loves himself. But he also lives with a moral dilemma. His morality and ethics are an extension of his power of reasoning. And his reasoning process is largely subjective, and is always tainted by personal interests. Take the atheist philosopher Bertrand Russell for example. One day, while he was riding a bicycle, he suddenly decided that he did not love his wife anymore. He then walked out on her and started numerous liaisons in his lifetime, most of which, I guessed, were personally unsatisfying.

Most atheists would subscribe to this life motto, “There’s probably no God. Now stop worrying and enjoy your life.” But to what extent should one enjoy his or her life? What does this personal enjoyment entails? Is it a no-hold-bars life, where the sky is literally the limit? Is it a license to do anything as long as no one is hurt physically?

Well, I guess the table can be turned against us Christians and the history of much religious abuses attest to the unfortunate fact that we believers are no better than non-believers in living a good, honorable life. Child abuses, homosexual liaisons, financial embezzlements and murders can be found on both sides of the fence. Are we then really no different from the non-believers?

I think this mutual mudslinging misses the point. For atheists, all moral deliberation comes from themselves. It is based on their own subjective interpretations. Different cultures honor different values. Take infidelity for example. Jesus has set the bar so high that even mental lusting can at times be equated with adultery. But the world sees it differently. In certain parts of the world, it is consider rude not to offer one’s spouse sexually to one’s host. The Russians do not count beach resort flings as infidelity. South African considers drunkenness a defensible excuse for adultery. And Japanese businessmen believe that paying for sex is not cheating. So, the atheists would be “culturally coerced” to do what is right in the eyes of the community he resides in. In other words, his moral standard is adaptable, malleable and flexible. There is hardly any moral core or center. And the social casualty of his actions is usually the people around him.

To the believer, his moral standards are based on the principles of a moral maker. It is therefore immutable, unchanging. In other words, his conscience is submitted to God and his steps are ordered by Him. He is of course not perfect. Sometimes he is even far from perfect. But, at the very least, he is not the sole arbiter of what is right or wrong. Neither is he subjected to the swaying influence of cultural compromises. He is subjected to God’s principles and his daily guide and inspiration are based on the quintessential life and teachings of his savior, Jesus.

Most importantly, living without God, from the perspective of a Christian, is living without our true identity. We forfeit our divine image, our ancient roots, and our Godly heritage. GK Chesterton once remarked that to disbelieve God would be like waking in the morning, looking into the mirror, and seeing nothing. John 4:23 stresses this important point this way, “True worshippers shall worship the Father in spirit and in truth: for the Father seeketh such to worship him.” Indeed, we are spirit and we come to God acknowledging that we are created in His image. This is the first step of being a true worshipper. The second step is to worship Him in truth. When we sacrifice truth before the altar of this world, truth mutates into personal convenience and selfishness. We do as we please, and instead of “thy will be done”, it is our will that first and foremost needs to be done. As we lose our moral center, we also lose our spiritual identity.

So, let me end with the duplicitous life of Jacob (Genesis 27 and 32). Jacob experienced two turning points in his life. The first was tumultuous, and the second, life-transforming. If you recall, Jacob started his spiritual journey by asking for his father’s blessing. But it was by deception, and with the help of his mother, that he stole his twin brother’s blessings. In his elaborate deception, he even used God’s name in vain. When Isaac questioned him, Jacob persisted, “Because the Lord your God brought it to me.” (Gen 27:20) Does this remind you of some Christians?

Then, the second turning point came one day before the showdown with his brother Esau. Jacob, having gone through many trials in his life, wrestled with God till dawn for a blessing. Despite suffering a hip dislocation, Jacob held on and God asked for his name. At this point, Jacob must have thought of the last time some one dear to him asked for his name. Long ago, Isaac, his father, asked for his name and Jacob lied. But this time, before God, he told the truth. He replied, “Jacob.” (Gen 32:27) In return for the truth, God blessed Jacob and changed his name to “Israel”, the contender for God and humanity. Thereafter, Jacob was not only fully restored, he was also fully reconciled both with God and his brother.

Beloved, what is your true identity? Have you forgotten your divine benefactor, the lover of your soul, your wellspring of blessings? What do you see when you look into the mirror? Do you see your true self, broken and lost, and in need of a savior? Or do you see yourself as your own savior; yet still struggling in the prison of your own mind and blind ambition, living from one high to another, but never finding personal fulfillment and rest?

We are made for God and in Him, we move and have our being. Apart from God, we are lost forever, always striving but never sated, fulfilled or contented. My parting shot is from a Trappist monk, Thomas Merton, who once wrote these revelatory words, “Man is not at peace with his fellow man because he is not at peace with himself. He is not at peace with himself because he is not at peace with God.”

Have a restful weekend.

Whistle series (160410)

Is evolution true? Did life arise out of blind, gradual, purposeless and apparently randomized evolutionary force? Can we confidently tell our children that God created us in an evolutionary fashion? Do Adam and Eve have belly buttons (this would imply that they were not the first humans to exist)? Was Genesis 2 just a spiritual creation or both a spiritual and a physical creation? Except for the first question, I think we will never empirically know the answers to the rest of the questions. In other words, there are no scientifically verifiable tests or studies that are able to provide an intellectually satisfactory answer to the rest of the questions. Theists will have to accept by faith that God is the sole creative force in the universe and atheists will have to accept otherwise. Never the twain shall ever meet, I guess. But maybe a quote from the grandfather and founder of the evolution theory may shed some light on the enduring and heated debate between the two camps. This conclusion from Charles Darwin is very instructive, “I am convinced that natural selection has been the main but not the exclusive means of modification.”

Okay, I hope we are making some tiny progress in the swirling controversy between the theists and the atheists. Darwin’s conclusion makes it clear that natural selection is an important molding force of life as we see it today. But it is not the only force. There are of course other forces at work as implied in that quote. At this point, no one knows for sure what the other forces are. Many theists will want to fill in the gap by crediting God for these forces. Some may even go as far as to attribute God as the main enabler of creation with evolution being just one of the strings in His creative bow. Atheists would of course cry foul and demand that we stick to verifiable scientific proof and leave wishful thinking to folklore and fable peddlers. But however we fill the gap with our own biased views, there will inevitably be loop holes or gaps in our theories/beliefs.

If we say that God created the universe and everything in it, we will be hard pressed to furnish material evidence of this since God is beyond scientific proof. Theists or fervent Christians cannot summon God or any of His ministering angels to materialize before an unbelieving and skeptic audience to remove all lingering doubts. At best, we can only provide indirect evidence, which are largely subjected to numerous interpretations that can swing either ways. We can say that the awe-inspiring beauty of this world suggests a creator. But atheists can rebuff that by crediting evolution as the sole cause. We can say that the immutable laws of physics and chemistry hints to an intelligent designer. But the atheists will scoff at our ignorance because our interpretation is naïve and self-serving. To the unbelievers, the natural laws came into existence by random chance, more like a lucky break. There is therefore no intelligent design involved. Neither was there ever an intelligent designer.

In the end, the two camps will only remain farther apart in their already entrenched positions. So, what can we do about this ever-increasing gap between them, which in recent years have become even more intense and intractable? Well, we can bridge the gap (and not close it completely) by suggesting that both camps are right to some extent. In this modern scientific age, the theists should accept that evolution plays a crucial part in the development of life. At this cross-junction of science, believers can safely accept that evolution is true to a large extent. The evidence is incontrovertible. Evolution is happening everywhere, at every moment. From cell dividing in my body as I type these words to the recent emergence of various mutated viruses like SARS and H1N1, evolution is as prevalent as the air we breathe. Life’s diversity attests to the tireless exuberance of evolution at work. So, should school teach evolution to account for the ebulliently lush variety of nature and its bio-diversity? I say amen to that. I see no harm in teaching our young minds that which cannot be denied as universal truth.

Let’s not get too paranoid about the subject of evolution. Stripped of all its controversy and “demonized” features, evolution is all about changes on a cell-by-cell level - without which, no organic life would emerge or thrive. If theists want to see evolution at work right before their very eyes, they just have to leave a pot of cooked rice exposed in the kitchen sink. After just one day or two, the rice would be covered in an algae-like sheen. Scoop off this layer and examine it under a microscope and we can see a blizzard of new organisms, multiplying manifold, dynamically striving to survive in a hostile environment. That’s evolution in a pot! I therefore do not see any reason to deny something that cannot be denied, however strident our dogmatic upbringing and theological prejudices may cry out. Ralph Waldo Emerson once said, “The religion that is afraid of science dishonors God.”

At this point in my faith, I subscribe to these chosen words uttered by a physicist and theologian John Polkinghorne. “God created something more beautiful than a ready made world…a world with an inborn capacity to become and create itself.” Just like physical pain is our neuro-sensory system telling us to take our finger off a heated iron, evolution is God’s way of creating nature and life as it has always been and is today. Surely God does not play dice with creation and His multifaceted and complex laws are set from the very beginning to ensure, with sniper-like precision, that we are the end product of this creative process. At least, this is what I believe by extension of the many dead-ends that science has reached in explaining the wonders and mysteries of life and the universe as a whole.

In this debate, the atheists should take Darwin’s lead when he wrote affirmatively that natural selection is not the exclusive means of modification. This means that evolution is a team player or leader. It is no doubt a crucial force. But it is also, in my view, a directed one. It is therefore not a blind and random process (I use “random” to account for the early development of life or the first cell to counter what Richard Dawkins once wrote that evolution is a “non-random survival of a random process” Well, I’ll leave this difficult discussion for another day).

I guess this is where I depart from the atheist’s position. The atheists will say that evolution is a blind force, undirected and unsupervised. There is no intelligent agent involved. But then, one must pause to consider Darwin’s admonishment that natural selection does not work alone. In other words, by extension, evolution does not account for everything. There are other forces at play. This is where the atheist should stop and reflect. If we study the complexity of a cell, the constituents of DNA and RNA, how a cell multiplies, and how proteins within a cell are produced and assembled, we have to admit that science falls short in explaining it all. Of course, the theists are equally mystified.

Next mystery is our brain. What accounts for all our subjective thoughts? How do we explain why we are driven not only by simple biological necessities like the urge to eat, sleep and shit, but also by our need to aspire, to perform altruistic acts, to give ourselves for others, to create and shape into reality what floats nebulously in our mind as the vigor of our imagination, and to become aware of what we are becoming aware about. We are the only creature on world who is able to focus and redirect our attention and efforts for purposive ends. Our modern civilization is built on realizing our dreams, fulfilling our goals, and actualizing our aspirations. We are unique not because nature has mandated it so by blind, random and purposeless evolutionary process. We are unique because we are created for a purpose. I cannot accept that a blind and purposeless process happens to stumble by chance upon a way to create a sentient and purpose-driven humanity. There is curiously something more than evolution that accounts for us as its end-result.

Now I am not calling the atheists to take the “fill-in-the-blank” approach by electing a deity of their choice to account for everything. This would put all of us, theists and atheists alike, back to where we first started, back to square one where the heated contention first originated. You can say that I am not evangelizing to them but merely trying to engage them in a mutually respectful and amiable discussion.

Considering that there is so much that we do not know, and so much that I think we will never get to know, we should be mindful of the maxim which says, “He who is living in a glass house should not be the one to throw a brick.” The “glass house” of a theist is that of the mystery of faith as a subjective assurance only he who professes can subscribe to. We cannot show God in human flesh to our unbelieving friends as and when they want proof of His existence. We only can live our lives as best as we can to demonstrate the authenticity of our belief and faith. In like manner, the “glass house” of an atheist is the shortfall of science to explain the first cause of the cosmology, the complexity of a living cell, and the inscrutableness of our human consciousness.

Instead of throwing bricks, we should all get along despite our differences. This would be easier said than done but it is not impossible. Considering that we all have our own prejudices and rose-tinted glasses when we come together for a debate, we should therefore first suspend our judgments and take off our glasses as a precondition for any meaningful discussion on the subject of God and evolution.

In the end, we may not be able to convince each other of our beliefs; but at least we will be able to understand why the other party believes what he/she believes and this understanding, I believe, is the first step to establishing what I call a University for All Humanity, that is, a harmonious Unity in the face of Diversity. And the unifying motto for this world school is in these words of Albert Einstein, “Science without religion is lame. And religion without science is blind.”

Whistle series (190310)

Have we been less than discerning in our life? Have we lost our confidence to overcome life’s struggles? Have we forgotten to count our days and to make use of them wisely? Psalm 90:10...12 puts it simply and elegantly this way, “The days of our life are seventy years, or perhaps eighty if we are strong; even then their span is only toil and trouble; they are soon gone, and we fly away…So teach us to count our days that we may gain a wise heart.” A few things are clear in this illuminating passage. First, life is not long. Second, living is not smooth. And finally, we need to make everyday count by counting them, day by day. There is surely something important about counting our days. It seems to be the stepping stones to a wise heart, or a discerning and mature one. But I believe it is more than just counting that the Psalmist is advising us to do. I think is all about attention, or more precisely, paying attention to everyday that comes knocking our way.

Many people think that a day starts with the morning and ends with the night. But I think differently. Quite counter-intuitively, I think a day doesn’t start for us until we are ready for it. So, until we are ready to make each day counts, a day is as irrelevant to us as the moons that are orbiting Jupiter. Many of us let each day passes without knowing it. The hours are meaningless to us because we have nothing meaningful to fill them with. For those who live such a life, a day is as long as a lifetime. And a lifetime is usually wasted away on nothing more than work, duty and obligations.

Surely, there must be a higher calling for Christians like us. Are we purpose-driven? Or are we worldly-driven? Are we walking by faith? Or are we walking by sight? Are we living an examined life? Or are we drifting along, sleepwalking through the hours, the days and the lost years? On this, the above Psalmist’s advice is a wake up call. Going back to basics, we are encouraged to pay attention to every day and to seize the moment by making each moment counts. We can do this by investing more in our spiritual life through taking these 8 important steps.

1) We need to take the first step by asking: What defines us? In other words, we need to ask, what kind of Christian do we want to be? Or what spiritual legacy do we want our children to inherit from our life? This requires some soul searching. Some of us who are serious with our faith may want to take a day or two to sort this out. Unless we take the time to answer this question in our own personal and unique way, we will always be living below the level of our God-given potential.

2) Co-partnering with God. We need to come to a place to acknowledge that growing “spiritually” without God is no different from growing individually. Without God, our spiritual walk is a pharisaical one. It is legalistic. It is self-glorifying. It is inauthentic. For some of us, we have to re-invite God into our lives. To do this, we need to surrender our independence and our freedom. We need to let God take charge and submit to His leading. This is of course difficult for some who have been so busy climbing up the career or social ladder. That is why we need to count the days to slow it down. We need to pace ourselves and slowly but surely let God’s ministering spirit guide our lives. Sometimes, we have to take that spiritual risk to give up what we now think is important and invest wholeheartedly on what the Bible says is important. For we know that if we take this spiritual risk to invest in this journey of faith with God, all of life’s care and worries will be well taken care of.

3) Dealing with our duplicity. Jesus had made it clear that one cannot serve two masters. It is either this fallen world or the promised world to come. It is either the pleasures of this world or the imminent joy of eternity. We have to make the choice and stick with it at all costs. Nothing is more damaging to our spiritual growth than to profess our allegiance to God and then go out and live our lives to betray that allegiance. Let us live a life that is pleasing to God by making sure that our word matches with our actions. For there is only one “duplicity” that is allowed in Christendom, and it is in these words of Martin Luther, “A Christian is a perfectly free Lord of all, subject to none. A Christian is a perfectly dutiful servant of all, subject to all.”

4) Stop making excuses. I think that the finger ultimately points back at us. We need to take personal responsibility for our decisions and our actions. If we are resolute on making that all-important change, we need to turn the searchlights on ourselves. Blaming our circumstances, our genes, and our lot in life are not going to lead us anywhere close to authentic personal transformation. Let’s do a thorough spiritual spring cleaning on ourselves before we become witnesses or ambassadors of Christ

5) Become ruthless with sins. This is where the rubber meets the road. This is also where we become serious with our Christian walk. I believe that one of the greatest obstacles to living a life of victory is to be burdened by a sin-stricken conscience. Sin compromises our effectiveness as a Christian. It drowns out the guiding voice of the Holy Spirit. It also makes light the sufferings of Jesus at the Cross. So, let’s be radical and ruthless with sins lest we become enslaved by it, held under its sway and subjected to its appetites. Isaiah 57:20 warns us, “The wicked are like the tossing sea; for it cannot rest, and its waters toss up mire and dirt.”

6) Feed our Spirit. To state the obvious, natural food nourishes us just as spiritual food strengthens us. Spiritual food or discipline comes in many helpings. Reading the Bible with understanding, praying with faith and evangelizing with love are but some examples. We need to cultivate a divine appetite for spiritual food. The key to do this is to renounce the appetites of the flesh through meditation, fasting and prayer. By starving the flesh of lusts, pride and greed, denouncing such cravings, we develop a thirst for all things spiritual. To sustain this divine thirst, we need to experience God. We need to open our hearts to a life of relationship and intimacy with Him. In the end, the reward of spiritual disciplines is worth our daily consistent efforts because as Richard Foster puts it, the celebration of discipline leads us to the path of spiritual growth and true personal liberation from the temptations of this world.

7) Lastly, never grow alone. There is a simple reason for this: even the gift of redemption is a joint effort. The fullness of the Trinity is clearly at work here. God the Father gave up his only son. Jesus completed the work at the cross. And the Holy Spirit empowers us to live a holy life. If the gift of redemption is a joint effort, what’s more our spiritual growth. We should always encourage one another to grow spiritually. We should find a good and sound church so that we can praise and worship in one concerted voice. We should join hands together in the various church ministries to bring the gospel to the lost. We should never despise the gatherings of God’s people because there is power in corporate prayer, strength in numbers (if one can put one thousand to flight, two can put ten thousands to flight), and hope in the victorious testimonies of the saints.

Personally, our cell group is going to turn 8 this June. I believe the collective prayers, joint experiences and mutual encouragement have through the years deepened our spiritual life. It has also enriched our relationship with one another and sustained our hope in times of trials. This bond will remain strong as long as we all remain as one. For Ephesians 4:3 says, “(We) are joined together with peace through the Spirit, so make every effort to continue together in this way.”

Whistle series (120310)

Are we all born to lie? Are we liars at heart? Is lying the default position in our life? An experiment was carried out to answer these questions and the results were less than surprising. A five year old boy called Jonah was asked to play a simple game. The tester was a friendly looking woman who would play toys behind Jonah’s back. These toys made distinct noises and Jonah was supposed to identify and match the toys to the noises they make. The first toy was the sound of a fire engine and it was a piece of cake for Jonah to identify. The second toy made this recorded statement, “To infinity and beyond” and Jonah shouted, “Buzz Lightyear!” Then, came the last toy with a melody that left Jonah clueless. It was at this time that the woman left the room to answer a telephone call. Before she left, she specifically instructed Jonah not to peek at the toy.

But it didn’t take long for Jonah to turn around and saw a Barney doll lying on the floor. After a while, the female tester returned and she asked him to identify the toy. Jonah barked, “Barney!” Looking surprised, the tester asked Jonah whether he had peeked at the toy. This is the whole purpose of the experiment: Will Jonah tell the truth or lie about it? This experiment was done on one hundred 3 to 7 years olds and 82% of them peeked. Out of this 82%, about 95% of them lied to the tester! Imagine that. A vast majority of these young, tender, adorable and innocent children lied to the adults without even being trained or taught to do so. In other words, you don’t need to school your children in the art of lying; it just comes naturally like the cravings for sweets.

In fact, to stretch things a little, there are a few schools in this world that will be wholly redundant or completely unnecessary. They are the school of lies, theater of theft and, maybe, academy of greed and adultery.

We are only humans and the Bible has already foretold of how sins are an integral part of us like a belly button or a birthmark. No matter how hard we hope to deny it, we are very imperfect people. For some of us, lying is only the tip of the iceberg of our character flaws. In fact, all of us have our hidden closets of bone-dried skeletons, deep-seated secrets, and shameful past that we dread the day they are exposed to our loved ones, our children or the public at large. This is therefore the cry of our heart: What must we do to be saved?

However you look at it, we are all crying out for redemption. And this is not even as a result of feeling guilty for some wrongdoings in our life. Even for those who think they are “morally upright” or “spiritually cleansed” by the overflowing dispensation of grace, something deep inside of them, I sincerely believe, still feels life is incomplete, something is broken, or something is missing.

When Jesus said that the truth shall set us free, He was referring to the freedom that comes from living a holy life. And this is achievable not to the extent that our life will no longer be plagued by sin or the temptation to sin. As long as we are still on this side of fallen heaven, and limited by this body, we will without exception face our own carnal cravings of the flesh. We will still lie. We will still fall into temptation. We will still be challenged by greed, lust and pride. But the difference here is in the final words of Jesus when he was confronted by Pontus Pilates in John 18:33. Finding no charge against Jesus, Pilates asked him whether he was the King of the Jews. Jesus then said that His kingdom belongs not to this world. Pouncing on this admission, Pilates exclaimed, “You are a king then?” My point here is in the reply of Jesus, “You say it! For I am a King. This is why I was born, and for this I have come into this world, to bear witness to the Truth. Everyone who is of the Truth hears and listens to My voice.”

This is what I call the ears of redemption. That is why the Bible says that faith comes by hearing and by hearing the word of God. Are we being convicted by what we hear and listen to? In this age of technology, we are assaulted by thousands of information. These are sensory stimuli that overwhelm and paralyze us into inactivity. Instead of becoming believers, we become non-believers. We have become skeptical, critical and even acerbic. The prosperity teachings, the grace dispensation, the Calvinistic pre-destination, the healing without exception messages, and the charismatic gifts manifestations have all conspired to lull us into a state of spiritual obesity. We are clearly overfed but, at the same time, spiritually empty, barren and disillusioned. This reminds me of the story told by a monk who founded the Dominican order named Dominic.

In the thirteen century, he was invited by the Pope to tour around the Vatican. In the tour, Dominic witnessed the majestic architecture, the wonderful treasures, and the exceeding riches of the interior. With reference to Acts 3:6, the Pope turned to Dominic and said proudly, “Peter (signifying the Pope himself) can no longer say, “Silver and gold have I none.” Dominic quickly added, “Neither can he says, “Rise up and walk.” Indeed, the lesson here is a sad one. Instead of listening to our Shepherd’s voice, we have turned our attention to the voices of the world. Jesus’ admonishments, his teachings and his rebuke have all been drown out by the rosy promises of exceeding wealth, perfect health and success for the easy plucking.

As Christians, we must be careful in our definition of what it means to live a life that is pleasing to God. On this point, Titus 1:15 puts it well, “To the pure (in heart and conscience), all things are pure, but to the defiled and corrupt and unbelieving, nothing is pure; their very minds and consciences are defiled and polluted.” So, the same old record keeps playing the same old tune: it’s the heart, silly. A life that is pleasing to God is one where the heart is right before Him. With a pure heart, we have the Midas’ touch. Everything we come in contact with turns solid gold. Our focus becomes realigned. Our directions become clearer. Our pleasures become redefined. When the heart is pure, whatever we do pleases God. Success takes on a new dimension. Wealth no longer controls us. Relationships with others take precedence. Physical intimacy with our spouse becomes pleasurable and meaningful and no substitute will suffice.

Beloved, let me leave you with this thought: Imagine just one day lived with a pure heart. You wake up in the morning with the assurance that God is pleased with you for being you and not because you are rich and famous or poor and less well-known. You go to work and relate to your colleagues differently. Because you are loved, you are able to demonstrate the same kind of powerful affection to your colleagues. Your inclusive behavior becomes contagious and everyone who crosses your path cannot help but feel a positive aura about you. You then return home and spread your joy and love to your children. After enjoying precious moments with them and putting them to sleep, you spent quality time with your wife. Both of you make love and enjoy the ecstasy that comes with consummation. Then, you seal the night with a prayer of thanksgiving and ask for strength and faith to face the next day.

Although not everyday will turn out so smoothly, you will nevertheless experience such profound pleasure and satisfaction that dwarfs all carnal pleasures this world can offer. Soon, the world would lose its luster. Temptation would lose its enticement. And greed and pride will lose its hold over you. Dr James Houston says it well, “For Christians who live closely with God, life is like a festival.”

Whistle series (180210)

Do you love your partner enough to stay faithful to her (him) for life? As a family lawyer for ten years, I have done my bit to end many marriages. Personally, some marriages, in the small minority, have been on “life-support” for so many years that its end is sadly long overdue. It’s like putting an old dog to sleep. These marriages usually endured the insufferable years because of the children. But most marriages do not deserve the same treatment. Their breakup is preventable. If given the effort and nurture, these marriages can take that all important step forward towards greater growth and intimacy. Alas, due to constant neglect, the marriage ages, ails and dies a most undeserving death.

I have learned that most marriages never broke up because of adultery, violence and long separation. The reason usually goes deeper. It is usually a long process which involves emotional distancing, contemptuous contemplation and physical disgust. And like a black hole sucking up everything, once a couple develops these three characteristics, everything gets construed in a negative way and becomes hardwired to fail. This is a vicious cycle that reinforces itself until one spouse finally pronounces the death sentence, “I can’t stand the sight of him.” or “I don’t feel anything for her, not at all.” or “He is just plain disgusting to me.” When this happens, adultery is just a convenient slide away.

Andrew Marshall, the author of the book Can I ever trust him again?, offers this simple equation that captures the reason why a spouse commits the gravest sin of marriage: Marital Problems + Poor Communication + Temptation = Adultery. Every marriage has its hard times. This has already been encapsulated in the marriage vows. All couples have been adequately forewarned that a marriage has its price tag and it is a price you pay by “installment” over the years, so to speak. Marital hard times come in many forms. There is the usual give-and-take of marriage. There are the transient lover’s quarrels. And there are the heated arguments. But contrary to popular beliefs, these unpleasant exchanges need not threaten the foundation of a marriage. The issues can be dealt with maturely and positively if the marriage is essentially strong. A strong marriage turns such confrontation into a learning experience and the apologies that follow usually strengthen the marital union rather than undermine it. After the verbal conflict, the couple starts to adjust their expectations of each other and change their individual attitude towards the partner. As they do this, their love grows deeper, stronger and more resilient.

But how do you build up a strong marriage? The best advice on this comes from a couple for 43 years and authors of the book, Building a love that lasts: the Seven Surprising Secrets of Successful Marriage. They are Dr Charles D. Schmitz and Dr Elizabeth A. Schmitz. These seven secrets are deemed surprising because they are extremely simple yet effective. They are largely a secret because little attention are paid to them due to their simplicity. But however you look at it, these seven secrets are tried and tested and many couples in successful marriages of more than 30 years (some even 60 years), whether consciously or subconsciously, practiced them, yes, every one of them on a daily basis. They are doing them even as I penned these words. I guess anyone could have come up with these seven so called secrets, but the sad part of it all is that they have done little to apply them in their daily marital realities. Let me briefly list them down here.

1^st Secret: It takes two to tango. This is all about sharing interests, feeling, ideas and memories, compromising to form mutually agreeable decisions and mutual helpfulness and support. This is the backbone of a marriage. Like oxygen, a couple cannot stop the sharing process. In addition, any major decision in a marriage has to be made by giving up certain personal interests. This is called compromising. One spouse has to let go of his interest in order to advance the other spouse’s interest. It may not always be a win-win decision for the spouse giving up his or her interest but it is definitely a win-win for the marriage as a whole. Lastly, a good marriage is about lending a helping hand, being there for him or her, and giving the other spouse a listening ear without saying a word in return. This is what it is called “unspoken understanding.”

2^nd Secret: No Sacred Cows. In other words, there are no secrets between the couples. These couples of more than 30 years share everything with each other. Some of them have even been married for 60 years and they have not stopped communicating like newly weds. They just cannot imagine keeping any secrets from each other. I think the point here is to always keep the channels of communication open and free, and always two-ways.

3^rd Secret: the Golden Rule. This is about mutual respect. Do not do to your spouse what you do not want done to you. Some examples are keeping your wife waiting for you, keeping the toilet seat down while peeing, and insisting that you are right and making sure your partner acknowledges it, even grudgingly. One thing worth noting is that your spouse sometimes needs his or her own privacy and we have to respect that. Privacy is defined as “the opportunity to belong only to yourself.” In every successful marital union, there are a few closet moments for quiet self-reflection and rejuvenation and these are intensely private and personal moments that we must give deference to.

4^th Secret: Your Body is your Castle. Needless to say, no good marriage should be short-lived. The couples would want to share every moments together including growing old together and enjoying the fruits of their passion. And keeping fit, eating healthy and exercising regularly are the keys to a long and healthy life - not to mention, a vibrant and happy marriage.

5^th Secret: Filing a Joint Return. I think a quote from the authors of the book is illuminating. “Since when is the money earned in two-wage-earner families your money, my money, your bills, my bills, your house, my house? In our research, the money earned by married couples is “our money”. It is most unfortunate when couples take a two-chequebook attitude, since it is probably indicative of other divisive issues in their marriage as well. Such a notion communicates a lack of trust.” Personally, I only have a working account for payment of all household expenses with a little on the side for my unquenchable appetite for books. The remainder of my monthly salary is transferred to my wife and I trust her to be my able money mistress tending to all other financial needs.

6^th Secret: The Loving Touch. The author calls touching a Morse Code, a substitute for language and the expression of feeling. Indeed, a touch, a hug, a kiss and a squeeze are all expressions of physical intimacy and the responses are always mutual. No partner can resist a soft touch, a warm hug or a tender kiss. Touching your spouse in those ways can be a magical experience for all. Most of all, it is an expression of love and the reward is closeness and assuring comfort. Next comes the S word – Sex. It is important to engage in physical intimacy regularly. Remember that the pleasure of sex is not only in the orgasm or ejaculation. It is also in the pre-orgasmic stage of mutual teasing, naughty role-playing, tickling and tingling massages, passionate kissing and creative foreplay. But note that the authors had found that although all couples believe that sex is important, it is not central to the success of their long marriages. At the end of the day, it is about their relationship on a deeper, more meaningful level. It is the intimate sharing, years of overcoming life’s issues and growing together despite the marital pressures that are prized above all sensory pleasures.

7^th Secret: Beyond Boring. This is the last open secret. No successful marriages are predictable, boring and routine. Couples of long marriages always strive to plant surprises along the way. Birthdays and anniversaries are never dull. You can say that the couples live for the next marital high. The adventure always takes them to unexpected places, thrilling rides and humorous twists. They laugh often. Treasure each other’s company. And enjoy doing the routine like cleaning the car or doing housework because they make it fun. So, making your marriage exciting takes some effort, some planning and some sacrificing, but the reward is always more than worth the labor of love.

Let me leave you with this quote from Dr Leo Buscaglia that I think says it well about the magical awe of a marital union that lasts a lifetime. “When I take you into my life, I have four legs, four arms, four hands, two wonderful bodies, and two heads. I also double my chances for joy, love and wonderment.”

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How much should we change to please our partner? I guess this is the leading burning question for the week. I ask this question because of a recent incident involving a teenager. She was prepared to undergo a $12,000 surgery to reconstruct her face so that she could look as aesthetically close to Jessica Alba as surgically possible. She confessed that she is doing it so that she could win her ex-boyfriend back. You see, her ex-boyfriend had apparently dumped her on the most superficial ground: her looks, her physical appearance. We can all debate about the foolishness of such a decision until kingdom come but we cannot escape answering the question I asked earlier: How much should we change to please our partner? Of course, some would be put off by this question. It seems so one-sided, unfair and unidirectional. Why should I bother to change just to please him or her? Shouldn’t it be the other way round? The more discerning amongst us would phrase the question differently. Shouldn’t it be a two-way street? Both must change for the better for each other? Doesn’t a successful marriage take two?

Well, a marriage indeed takes two to make it work. The union is nevertheless about two lives merging into one flourishing whole. But sometimes, in some marriages, over the long enduring years, the hearts have grown tired, faint and discouraged. I believe that there is no relationship as oxymoronic as marriage. It is the hardest struggle to keep a marriage but it is also the most rewarding. I think this catchphrase captures the sentiment well: “Nothing that is worth achieving in this life is going to be easy.” And making marriage work is the most rewarding of all endeavors and yet it is also the most demanding, physically and emotionally. A marriage can be as wild as an impetuous, rebellious child where one spouse’s needs must always be first at the expense of the other spouse. Or a marriage can be as rock solid as a cornerstone where the couple are always looking out for each other to ensure that the other spouse’s needs are met before his or hers. In between these two extremes are most marriages. A famous feminist writer once wrote, “Today the problem that has no name is how to juggle work, love, home and children.”

Well, if I may put a name to this age-old problem, it would be “loveless relationships”. A lot of us are trapped in a loveless marriage or relationship. I think the worse kind of relationship is to be “dis-engagingly involved”. Another oxymoronic term? This happens when we are in a relationship out of obligation. We are imprisoned by the marriage covenant. Imagine the plight of Jacob when he spent seven years to work for his dream girl, Rachel, only to find out that his future father-in-law had duped him into marrying her less pleasant looking older sister, Leah! Well, Jacob may have been cheated by his father-in-law to marry Leah but, in doing so, he had unknowingly punished Leah by keeping up with the appearance of a marriage without truly loving her in return. In other words, Jacob was trapped in a loveless marital relationship with Leah and the latter was made the victim of this unfortunate union. Well, I guess nothing is more heartbreaking than to be sleeping with your husband while he dreams of another woman.

Of course, the story of Jacob is pushing marital realities to the extreme. None of us can say that we are actually “duped” by our father-in-law to marry someone other than our chosen bride at the altar. Our circumstances are obviously different from Jacob’s. We married by autonomous choice. In other words, we married with our eyes and hearts opened. We chose our bride or bridegroom for the “corniest” of all reasons: Because we love her/him. So, I can safely say that when we unveiled our bride at the altar, it was “Rachel” beaming at us and not “Leah”. You can therefore say that we have got a 7 years good head-start as compared to Jacob. But a start is just a start. What would the middle of our marriage be, or the end of it shows? Beloved, a good start does not mean a happy ending. What is missing in most marriages is unconditional love. Another corny reason?

Our love becomes unconditional when we raise no expectation from our life partner. Our love becomes unconditional when we put his or her interests above our own. Our love becomes unconditional when we choose to see the good in our life partner despite the flaws and focus on nurturing the good so that it overshadows all his or her flaws. For it has been said, “What is beautiful is not always good, but what is good is always beautiful.” We all know that God is good and therefore He is always beautiful. And because we are all created in His image, God’s beauty resides in us without exception. Can we therefore see the good in our life partner? Beloved, our spouse has a beauty inside that is waiting to be unearthed, can you spare the time and the discipline to discover it?

This reminds me of an anecdote from one of America’s most enterprising empire-builders, Andrew Carnegie. He was once asked, “How did he develop men to become so valuable?” Mr Carnegie replied, “You develop people in the same way you mine gold. When you mine gold, you must literally move tons of dirt to find a single ounce of gold. However, you do not look for the dirt – you look for the gold!” Do we see the gold in our life partner, or we just see the overwhelming dirt that hides the gold?

Let me suggest that we plant seed everyday to make our marriage work and flourish. By seed, I mean an acronym for “Selfless, Emotionally-Engaging Discipline”. However you see it, a marriage is nevertheless a form of discipline. It takes a consistent, focused effort to make it work. It cannot therefore depend on fleeting feelings because like a bad hair day, feelings fluctuate. We need to rekindle the passion by making marriage the beginning of courtship and not the end. The pursuit should and must never end with a kiss at the altar. Maybe we should see our marriage as the start of another pursuit and it is the pursuit to know more about our life partner. Make your discovery last a lifetime because it takes a lifetime to learn from each other.

In this pursuit, let’s be selfless. This is of course easy to vocalize but hard to actualize. But the seed I urge you to plant starts with a small, insignificant act that ultimately culminates to something formidably effective at the end. One thing I learned about life is this: Big changes come after small ones. I guess the first step to becoming selfless is to put your spouse’s interests first. It also involves respecting what she or he has to say. Lastly, it requires your unwavering support for and understanding of him or her. It is said that the secret to ultimate happiness is the conviction that you’re loved. All of us want to be loved. This is the reason why we survive and thrive on this earth. In fact, most marriages fail not because of an increase in conflict but a perpetual decrease in affection and emotional responsiveness. Beloved, don’t take the natural path to emotional decay by sinking deeper and deeper into a loveless marriage. Renew your passion daily. Celebrate your love for each other ostentatiously. And continually acknowledge and respect each other’s deepest and most personal hopes and dreams. Remember there is a beauty in all of us that awaits discovery. So, make the effort to discover it and see your love for each other soar to greater heights of passion!

Lastly, we come to the emotional aspect of seed. When we make every effort and discipline to set ablaze our passion for each other, we become emotionally engaged with our life partner and genuine love will gush forward like a broken dam. This is not an everyday experience of course. The rough and tough realities of life will conspire together to ensure that we do not experience endless, boundless passion. But, having said that, I’d like to add that the rough and tough realities of life should not in any way damper our passion for each other. If we resolve to make our marriage work, no price is too much for us to pay and no efforts are too hard for our undertaking. Remember what I said earlier, “It is the hardest struggle to keep a marriage but it is also the most rewarding.”

So, you are deserving of a successful marriage and it is therefore your responsibility to make it so. Let me end with this touching quote from Dr Joyce Brothers, “Love is something we all yearn for, and to live and be loved is the most blissful state imaginable. But what is love? The best definition, I feel, is caring as much for the aims and welfare of another person as you do about your own aims and well-being. During my late husband’s long illness, I realized that I would have gladly given up my own life if his would be saved, and I knew how deeply a woman could love. Too many people mistake the sweaty palms and dizzy exhilaration of a romantic encounter for love.”