Yesterday’s cell discussion was about simplicity. How do we simplify our life so that we get more from less without the mental stress, emotional headaches and spiritual exhaustion? In other words, how do we achieve all-round success without burning out in the rat-race we call living? All of us want a peace of mind. We want to stay in control of things. We want to be above the hustle and bustle, the mindless strivings. We want to live consciously and not be a pawn in someone’s asset-accumulation gambit. But how do we stay mindful when the relentless demands of work, family and ministry seem to conspire together to keep us anesthetized, numbed and blindly compliant?
Let’s get this off my chest before I write further: our culture is a culture of fast food, fast work and fast results and we are compelled to either flow with it or get out of the way. As long as someone up there wants to get richer than he or she really is, workers like us will, for the long run, continue to work like oxen in an open estate. This is the grim reality of a capitalist market-driven economy. Mind you, communism is not much better. So, how do we keep our sanity in such a “me-first” culture? I think the antidote is to slow down in the fast lane. Gandhi once said, “There is more to life than increasing its speed.” And one of the effective ways to slow down is to simplify. I believe the process of simplification starts with our spirit and the benefits will eventually flow down to our actions and speech. I also believe that it is not the speed of our physical activity that stresses us out. It is the speed of our thoughts that throw us off-balance, or hurl us into a mental tailspin. We can control our thoughts by simplifying it. And, if we can do that, we would have eliminated one of the main causes of mental and emotional breakdown. Pope John XXIII declared, “The older I grow the more clearly I perceive the dignity and winning beauty of simplicity in thoughts, conduct, and speech: a desire to simplify all that is complicated and to treat everything with the greatest naturalness and clarity.”
I have thought long and hard about the secret of simplicity and we have also discussed about it at length yesterday. I guess nothing can be simpler living than to have a clear conscience. And we can start to live with a clear conscience by living with integrity (promise-keeper), refusing to keep scores (or grudge-bearing), and seeking forgiveness from those we have wronged. I know all these are easier said than done but the toughness is not in its execution, it is in its conviction. Every great accomplishment starts with a mind that has made up its mind. A person whose mind is duplicitous is a person who has yet to anchor his life on the foundational truth of God’s word. Jesus once made a seemingly silly statement, “Let what you say be simply Yes or No: anything more than this comes from evil.” (Matt 5:37). Whoa, was Jesus overreacting? Was it that serious that he had to evoke the word “evil”? I mean, most of us mean what we say and say what we mean. Our “yes-es” and our “no-es” are just that and nothing more. What’s the big deal?
A little clarity can be thrown into the mix by remembering what Jesus said about the path to true salvation. He once admonished that a person cannot serve two masters. We cannot pledge allegiance to God on a Sunday and then conduct our life as if our loyalty belongs only to the world or the devil for the rest of the week. This sort of hypocrisy does nothing but to deeply and profoundly mess up our spiritual life. Nothing can therefore be more complex than a life dedicated to two masters. Just like night and day cannot mix, our Christian walk cannot be effective if we follow God and collude with the devil at the same time. So, our yes and no should remain just that. But Jesus is not talking about oral affirmations. He is referring specifically to our spiritual conviction. He is talking about being consistently disciplined in our thoughts, actions and speech. He is telling us to make up one mind and stick with it regardless of trials and tribulation, temptations and deceptive schemes.
A simple life is one which serves one master and stays faithful to him. This is the overriding principle of simplicity. The rest of the principles are mainly footnotes or commentary and they can be briefly listed as follows:-
Put relationship first, always. A simple life starts with building and treasuring relationships above material possessions and ambitions. I know that I am taking a risk here by prioritizing relationships above material wealth. I have personally witnessed many train-wrecked relationships that went sour, even deadly, in the ugly manifestations of divorces, sibling rivalries and workplace backstabbing. But I believe that their causes are not because relationship is not important. It is precisely because relationship is relegated while personal egoistic striving is enthroned that many relationships suffered disastrously. Imagine a world, and this is not hard to imagine, where relationships are priced above all things. Imagine how one would refuse to backstab because it will drive a wedge between him and his colleague. Imagine a spouse giving up the offer of higher pay for the sole reason that he would have less time to spend with his wife and family; thereby jeopardizing their long term relationship. Imagine nations putting down their swords to reconcile and make amends for past killings and pillaging. I believe that if people make a conscientious effort to put relationships first in all their dealings, this world would be a happier, more peaceful place for all. Wishful thinking? Well, all big dreams are wishful thinking until someone is prepared to stand up to the plate and start that spark that spread into a wild forest fire of universal change.
Forgive unconditionally. This is tough. Simplicity has its price. Some people are incorrigible. And because they are incorrigible, they are difficult to forgive. You guys know what I am talking about. That person who seems so difficult to pardon can be your colleague. Your boss. Your estranged relative. Your ex-spouse. Even your current spouse, sometimes. But forgiveness is no respecter of persons. It starts with you and ends with you. Don’t expect it to go any further than you. That’s why it has to be unconditional. Don’t expect immediate reconciliation or restoration. Sometimes, that person may spit at you or call you names. But it is really out of your hands, you have done what you are created for, that is, to forgive unconditionally. When you forgive, expect nothing in return. A demand-less forgiveness releases you from the pain and hurt of that transgression and enables you to move forward with your life, step by step. From there onwards, this freedom from resentment and grudge would greatly lighten your load and simplify your life.
Love unconditionally. This is a relevant principle of simplicity because true love comes with little, if no, conditions. This is where we accept our loved ones for who they are, what they are. No couple is perfect. Two imperfect lives can generate a lot of friction, misunderstandings and conflicts. Sometimes, the arguments can get so intense that an immediate split up seems almost irresistible. But hold that thought. It is not a point of no return. Couples must learn to accept their partners’ flaws as well as their strengths. Loving unconditionally requires an open heart that sees how one’s flaws can be transformed and how one’s strength can be sharpened. It takes a lot of patience sometimes but the reward, especially in the context of a marriage, is immeasurable. I always believe that it is simpler to join synergistically a couple’s strength together to overshadow their collective flaws rather than to just give up the relationship and find new love. Proverbs 27:17 puts it this way, “As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.”
Make everyday count. A simple life has little regrets. And regrets come to those who live their days recklessly. I urge you guys not to go through the motion of each day as if you are following someone’s agenda. This is of course difficult since we are all so busy, so flooded with work. Maybe in our busyness, we can resist the flow and extract ourselves from the torrent of deadlines, and idly sit by the wayside to consider what we want to achieve for ourselves, our family and our spiritual life. There is always sometime that is missing in our life and it only takes a little time-off to ponder so that we can identify what is truly important, what really matters. It doesn’t need to be big goals or grandiose dreams. It can be as down-to-earth as “how to love my wife better”, “how to be a good father” or “how to make a difference in my workplace, to demonstrate Christ-like traits to my colleagues.” It is because we are so busy making a living that we forget to live life fully, to fill the lost hours with meaningful activities with our children, and to smile more instead of losing our temper and frowning at the slightest agitation. Remember this, above basic subsistence level, the income-earner is always more important than the income itself.
Live with boundaries. We cannot please everyone. This is a fact. People without boundaries will tirelessly help everybody but himself or herself. He is busy tending to the needs of others at the expense of his own life. Sometimes, even his family members are neglected. A balance has to be struck because the time allotted to us and the energy that God gave us are all limited.
Galatians 6:2 talks about “carrying each other burdens” but a later verse (verse 5) reminds us that “each one should carry his own load.” So, there is a different between “burdens” and “load”. The Greek word for burden is “excess burdens.” The burdens of life have to be shared because it is too heavy for one to bear alone. I interpret this as trials of life, which encompasses a death in the family, a terminal illness or a financial crisis. As Christians, we help each other in such terrible loss or crisis and do our utmost to relief one’s burden of it. We strive to give in support and lend a listening ear to those whose lives are burdened and ravaged by circumstances beyond their control. However, the Greek word for load is “daily toil.” This is our daily responsibility and we are more than able to bear them on our own. Our family is our responsibility and we work to take care of them. They are our daily load and we have broad enough shoulders to carry them. The problem comes when we neglect our “daily load” because of ill-defined boundaries and go out of our way to carry the burdens of others. So, to live simply, is to take responsibility for ourselves and our family first. We make sure they are well provided, physically, emotionally and spiritually, before we extend a helping hand to others.
Live with hope. When hope dies, our life is like a chicken that has lost its head. We spatter and sputter; we go ditzy and wobble in circle. It doesn’t take long for one to lose his will to live when hope fizzles off. Hope in times of trouble and discouragement is the oasis to keep us moving forward towards our goal. And hope in the Lord, the author and finisher of our faith, is the reason for us to run the race to the end to attain the reward that awaits us. A simple life is a life buoyed by hope, a life that is confident in the face of peril, and a life that is always focused on his ultimate deliverer, who is his Creator and Savior. Psalms 33:16-19 echoes this sentiment well, “No king is saved by the size of his army; no warrior escapes by his great strength. A horse is a vain hope for deliverance; despite all its great strength it cannot save. But the eyes of the Lord are on those who fear him, on those whose hope is in his unfailing love, to deliver them from death and keep them alive in famine.”
Finally, there is TRUST. Yesterday, we discussed about trust at length. I believe that if we were to peel off the “skin” of a simple life, layer by layer, we will find at its core this powerful principle called TRUST. Trust makes everything go smoothly. It is the “grease” that spins the cogwheel of human relationships. It is said that speed happens when people truly trust each other. Isn’t this so true?
Indeed, when couples trust each other, they have peace of mind in everything that they do, even when each of them are physically miles apart. When a boss trusts his employees, for the sole reason that they are trustworthy, he can concentrate on other sector of his business and get more things done at lesser time. The opposite of trust is distrust and a life filled with suspicion can be terribly complicated because the mind is always at a state of unrest, wariness and anxiety. So, if you really desire to live a simple life, to reap the profit of simplicity, to enjoy its fruits, learn to be trustworthy and to trust your loved ones in return.
Let me end with this quote from an educator and religious leader, Neal A. Maxwell, “It is better to trust and sometimes be disappointed than to be forever mistrusting and be right occasionally.”
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