Last Friday I was intimate with you guys. I shared about my OCD - Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. Although I have not reached a stage where I needed clinical intervention, I do sometimes overdo things or engage in repetitive routine. I checked my keyhole thrice on regular occasions. I inspected my car thrice to ensure I had locked it. I even talked to myself out loud sometimes to the surprise of passerbys. I know that I am able to control myself but I still indulge in these urges at the expense of my wife. Living with me and my annoying habits can be trying sometimes. Moreover I am rather particular about cleanliness. I am quite obsessed with neatness. I strongly prefer a tidy house with everything nicely arranged, properly folded and closely packed. My wife is quite the opposite. She is the least particular about cleanliness. So, these 8 years plus have been a marital period of adjustments, compromise, heated debates and more adjustments.
I share this because we are not perfect. Marriage may be made in heaven, but a lot of details (and I mean a lot) have to be ironed-out on earth. We are still learning as a couple. This marital journey is going to be long one. So, there is a lot to discover - the good and the bad. It is our plan that we sandpaper each other everyday into characters we esteem to become. We just have to smooth the marital corners and edges until we are well honed and well-adjusted. And that would take years, many years. For it is said, it takes only minutes to make acquaintances, but a lifetime to truly love someone. I only know of one redeeming quality that makes a marriage both durable and a great success, and that quality is the quality of sticking together against all forces that threaten to unstuck us.
A philosopher once quipped, "the measure of a man is what he does with power." If I may add my own, it would go something like this, "the true measure of a man is what he does with love." Love to me is the greatest power in this world or universe. Without it, nothing grows, nothing makes sense, nothing lives. Love changes, empowers and inspires life. Love is a force so strong and mysterious that all relationship flourishes under it. Indeed, God is love. So, to be a real man is to ask yourself, what do I do with love? How do I truly love my wife, my children? How do I change myself for them? What is required of me to transform love so that it becomes not just a mouth-confession by a response from my heart? Food for thought?
So, I have to deal with my problem of impatience directly. I get agitated with my loved ones easily, and especially my loved ones. This is ironic because I am extremely patient with all others. You can say that I am edgy with Anna but smooth with my colleagues. As I confess this to you, I am also reminding myself of my flaws. We need to be reminded sometimes least we grow complacent and dismissive of our flaws. Like the cock who crowed at Simon Peter to remind him of his failings, we need our loved ones sometimes to tell us ours. Character defects only become worse when we trivialize them. It is only when we give our attention to them that we get a better handle to deal with them.
Beloved, remember I said that in a garden, weed flourishes near compost pile (dung hill). This is where we should give our utmost attention to. We need to stop feeding our signature sin(s). We need to search for it, starve it, and uproot it. Stop making excuses for our sins, bad habits and rebellious ways. Stop insulating it from the searchlight of the Holy Spirit. If we don't make a resolute choice to deal with it, God cannot force us to. Remember our marriage, friendship and personal spiritual life are all at stake if we indulge and protect our signature sin by underestimating its impact, dismissing it as inconsequential or denying its existence in the first place. Make the right choice today, and begin today. Every change starts with the first step. Every great achievement starts with a humble admission. This brings me to Repentance.
We shared about two kinds of repentance. One of them is the repentance of Judas Iscariot. The other is that of Simon Peter. In Matthew 27:3-4, Judas repented. He knew he had betrayed a good and innocent man. He was sorry and returned the 30 pieces of silver to the chief priest. Simon Peter also repented. In Matthew 26:75, Simon Peter wept bitterly after he denied Christ thrice. But both repentances were not the same. Judas repented from the head; Simon Peter repented from the heart. Judas was basically sorry he was found out. Simon Peter was sorry he had failed God. And that made the crucial difference. William Nevins, a christian poet, once compared the two repentance to "ice broken" and "ice melted".
Imagine with me a large block of ice in a storage freezer. To break the ice block, you jab it with a ice-pick or an axe. Your chops would have broken it into smaller blocks. But left on its own, the room temperature of the cold storage would re-freeze them. No sooner than you know it, the varied, smaller blocks would consolidate into one more unwieldy, rough block. But to melt the ice, you have to take it out of cold storage and place it under the warm sun. Once taken out of the freezer, you don't have to hit with anything. It would obediently melt by itself. The wonder of it all is that the melting process is irreversible. Once the melting is complete, the large ice block can no longer return to it original chunky shape. It is now reduced to water and it is a road of no return.
Judas' repentance is likened to "ice broken". It is only temporary. It does not result in a heart transformation. In other words, his heart remained unchanged. Simon Peter's repentance is of a different class altogether. He repented from the heart and his life changed direction completely. The book of Acts indisputably chronicled this amazing transformation. His repentance was irreversible. He did not go back to his old ways or sins. After the cock reminded him of his sins, he went down in history to become a great evangelist and one of the greatest apostles of God.
Beloved, we are called to turn away from our old man. We are called to repent from the heart just like King David did when confronted by prophet Nathan for his sins of adultery, deceit and murder. King David paid a terrible, terrible price for his sins. His son died stilborn. His other son raped his sister. In revenge, the rapist was killed by his half--brother. And the killer usurped the throne and made King David an exile. Had King David confessed to Bathsheba's husband, his faithful commander, of his adultery, I am sure he would have been forgiven and thereby avoiding the terrible consequences that followed from his initial refusal to come to a point of humble admission and heart-transforming repentance of his sins.
In Psalms 51, King David presented his broken and contrite heart to God. He cried out, "Create in me a clean heart O God and renew a steadfast spirit within me. Do not cast me away from your presence, and do not take your Holy Spirit from me." In one of the defining verses at Psalms 51:17, King David wrote, "The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit, a broken and a contrite heart. These, O God, you will not despise."
Beloved, at some point in our life, we shared the same fate as King David. Our hearts were broken, torn and even shattered. Betrayed by loved ones, convicted by sin or oppressed by circumstances, we reached the end of our rope. We are cornered by grief, hatred and unforgiveness. It is time we let it all go. It is time we present our brokenness and contrite heart to God for God's assurance to you is this, "a bruised reed I shall not break and a smothering wick I shall not put out." Let God be our deliverer.
Let me end by saying this, God gives fresh beginnings. For everything, there is a start. As long as we are still alive and breathing, however and wherever we are in life, we can surely and safely start over. In our marriages, career and relationships, we can have fresh beginnings. We can stop the pain, torment and grieve by breaking its spell over us. We can leave the past behind and start our present life on a surer footing with God. Earlier I said that the true measure of a man (and woman) is he (or she) does with love. Jesus did it by redeeming us to him. So, let's take the first step to return to our first love and trust that all our pain, grief and disappointments are in His good hands. Ultimately, God will deliver us from all and reconcile us back to Him. That day will come, we just have to remind ourselves more of it.
Enjoy your weekend.
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