This Easter weekend I read an inspiring true life story of Thomas and Marilyn Rose. This resilient couple is the founder of Waymaker Ministries. They are evangelists who had travelled to many parts of the world, including West Africa, to bring the message of hope to the lost.
Ever so tireless and sacrificial are their lives in serving God and expanding His kingdom that you would think God would have rewarded their ceaseless effort with showers of blessing. Think again... Their lives were once tested by misfortunes and tragedies tantamount to enduring one big emotional storm after another and these tragedies would have surely stretched any human spirit to breaking point. However, they stayed the course and fought the good fight and ran the race admirably. Today, their won’t-give-in testimony is recounted in their book called The Valley of Decision – What do you do when the Trials of life Overwhelm you?
The First Trial
The Rose family had three lovely, charming children: Ben, Lacey and Rachel. Everything was going well for them until one day the head of the family, Tom, experienced some discomfort in his chest. He also got tired easily and he felt slightly nausea at times. He then decided to go for a seemingly routine medical checkup.
When the results came out, Tom was devastated. Doctor told him that he had congestive heart failure. This was how Tom wrote about it, “After a battery of tests the doctors concluded that my body was a mess. They said my kidneys had shut down, which was the reason for my weight being high. Through the use of diuretics, they took thirty pounds of water off me in about ten days. My liver was inflamed and swollen, which accounted for the yellowish color of my skin. My lungs had filled with fluid, and my heart had enlarged. Last of all, my thyroid was barely functioning.” Despite this, there was a silver lining. The doctor told Tom that his body would rally up to a complete recovery with proper medication.
But over time, he suffered several heart failures and the doctors gave him this verdict - more like a death sentence, “Mr Rose, I am sorry to tell you, but there is no hope for you outside of a heart transplant. Some sort of virus has attacked your body. We have not been able to determine what the virus is. It might have been something you contracted recently, or it quite possibly could have been a virus you picked up overseas in Vietnam.” You see, Tom served in the military in Vietnam for six years in 1971.
Then, the doctors executed Tom’s hope with these words, “At the present time, your heart is only contracting at 15% of normal capacity. There isn’t a thing we can do for you except attempt to give you a new heart.”
You can imagine the agony that Tom was experiencing at that time when the doctors dropped the bombshell of his very fragile mortality. On a whole, we can generally survive a betrayal by a close friend, recover from a financial crisis or even brave through a failed marriage. But to be told at the prime of your life, when everything is going so smoothly for you, and when you are just enjoying the best part of marriage in the eyes of your three precious children, that your life is going to end soon, very soon, is one trial that forces you to make immediate, painful changes in your life.
Tom knew that he had to be strong for his family. He knew that he might not live to see his children’s graduation or walk down the aisle with them. Or carry his grandchildren. He also dreaded the thought that to his grandchildren, he would only be a printed face in the family photo album and nothing more. But, Tom remained strong for them, and cited Psalms to keep hope afloat, “God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. Therefore will not we fear, though the earth be removed, and though the mountains be carried into the midst of the sea.”
Tom indeed kept his spirits up until the next trial came along. It would be a trial that would test his faith in God to the core.
The Second Trial
The second trial came in a forceful whirling of a helicopter. Tom heard the helicopter flying over his house when seconds later, the phone rang. It was Tom's mother calling. She called to tell Tom of a terrible accident nearby. Before this phone call, Tom had allowed his sister to drive his two children, Ben and Lacey, to the skating rink. It doesn’t take an intelligent guess to know what the second trial is. Tom’s two children, Ben and Lacey, were involved in a horrible accident that required them to be airlifted to a nearby hospital. In fact, Ben was pinned in the car and the paramedics took over an hour to cut him out. That hour was an eternity for Tom and his wife, Marilyn.
In the hospital, Tom, Marilyn and their family members prayed like never before for their children to survive the accident. They waited feverishly as the team of doctors operated on them. At that time of the accident, Ben was only 9 and his sister, Lacey, 12. In all good conscience, nobody that young should be allowed to undergo such trauma and pain, especially when their whole family devoted to and worshipped a loving and all-powerful God. Alas, good conscience did not prevail.
Hours passed and the doctor came out of the surgery room and approached Marilyn, “Mrs Rose, I am afraid your son is brain dead. He has been for some time.” The news floored Marilyn. Her whole life fell apart. She wept uncontrollably. Her husband also wept with her. However, the doctor did not stop there.
A life for many
At such a terribly painful and difficult time, the doctor mustered the courage and made a seemingly ill-timed request, “I know this is hard for you," the doctor said, "but a representative from Trans-life is here if you would like to consider donating Benjamin’s organs…” I know that I am not qualified to say that I understand how Tom and Marilyn must have felt at the moment the request was made. At least, in all logic however unscientific, a body intact still gave some hope to them that Ben could be revived miraculously. Miracles do happen you know. But to assent to giving away their son’s organs would surely and effectively kill all hope of a miracle. Talk about crossroad, life-and-death decision!
Tom nevertheless made that painful decision. He wrote in his book, “I agree to donate Benny’s organs. It was one of the hardest things I have ever done; yet I can truly say I am glad I did. Weeks later when I needed encouragement, a letter came from Trans-life, which told us a thirteen-year-old girl was alive and doing well after receiving Ben’s heart. In addition to that, an eighteen-month-old baby girl had received his liver. Finally, a fifty-year-old man and fifty-one-year-old woman were now off dialysis because of his kidneys.”
This powerful, touching testimony brings a whole new meaning to this Easter weekend. It demonstrates to believers the true message of Calvary; that is, how a life given up so painfully and completely can bring renewed hope and life to some many people.
Then, amidst the trials, Tom and Marilyn received some comforting news about Lacey, their daughter. Two weeks after they had lost Ben, the doctors told them that Lacey was off the respirator and she was going to recover. But the joy was short-lived. This was to be the Rose Family's 3rd Trial.
The Third Trial
The next morning, they received a call from the hospital and were told that Lacey had suffered a massive heart attack. The doctor admitted that the heart attack was caused by an injection of a medication to slow her heart down. But the effect of the medication caused her little heart to stop completely. The hospital staff then rushed to revive her with paddles. The days that followed would result in the death of their precious little princess.
“As the days wore on, Lacey’s condition worsened," Tom recalled. "The devastation caused by this condition is beyond description. Ten days after that call to return to the hospital, Lacey, swollen beyond recognition, went home to be with the Lord. It was a slow, agonizing death. The doctors who had worked so hard trying to save her was devastated…I saw him sit on the floor at Marilyn’s feet, tears streaming down his face.” This time, even the doctor cried with Tom and Marilyn.
A rose trampled
In one seemingly random, cruel act of nature so blind and unapologetic, everything that gave meaning and hope to Tom’s life and family were taken from them. At least when Tom was told he had heart problems, he could pray for a miracle to live long enough to see his children’s graduation and wedding, and possibly his grandchildren. But now, in their death, this miracle is never going to happen.
At ground zero, Tom cried out, “It seemed as though Marilyn and I had come to the end of our rope. Over the past several months, we had lost our business. Because we could not pay the rent, we were being asked to vacate our home. I had lost my health, and now we had lost two of our three children. There did not seem to be one aspect of our lives that had not been devastated. It was at this point that we began to ask ourselves the question, “Does God really love us?” Can you blame them for asking?
Trial of Trials
I have seen many lives wrecked for reasons beyond consolative explanation. No one could explain to me adequately why terrible things happened to the most innocent and undeserving of us all. Many will attempt to present a theory for our suffering. Many will want to distinguish themselves by making sense of our sorrow and pain. But there is apparently no answer other than the answer that there is no answer. That is why Romans 12:15 says, “Rejoice with them that do rejoice, and weep with them that weep.”
We can only weep with the weeping. When in the company of the despair, listening is the best consolation; words only compound the confusion. A family therapy, Daniel Gottlieb, who had his share of life’s problems, once wrote in his touching book, Letters to Sam, “When I am in a dark tunnel, I want to be with people who love me enough to sit in the darkness with me and not stand outside telling me how to get out. I think that’s what we all want. When you are hurt, be close to people who love you and who tolerate your pain without passing judgment or giving you advice. As time passes, you will long less for what you had yesterday and experience more of what you have today.”
A chain of pearls
Daniel Gottlieb is also a renowned practicing psychologist who suffered a misfortune that changed his life completely. In his fifth year of marriage, his wife contracted cancer and the disease put a stain on their marriage and finances. Five years later, another tragedy befell on him. In Letters to Sam, he recounted “…shortly before our tenth wedding anniversary, I was on the thruway, driving out to my uncle’s house to pick up a new car – an anniversary surprise. Only later would I learn what had happened. A hundred-pound wheel flew off an oncoming tractor-trailer, bounced across the road, and landed on the roof of my car. I heard nothing – saw nothing. My neck was broken, the spinal cord severed between my fifth and sixth cervical vertebrae. I could still talk. I had feeling in my face and shoulders. I was alive, and I was a quadriplegic.”
Like a chain of pearls, trials come in a bundle. When Dr Gottlieb's grandson, Sam, was born, he had PDD – pervasive developmental disorder. This means that Sam was autistic. Autism is a robber of opportunities for contact, intimacy and even love. Autistic children are almost always easy target for school bullies since they are socially unresponsive, they see human beings as devoid of emotions like mannequins or objects, and they are unable to defend themselves or act in socially acceptable ways.
The life of an autistic child is always painful for the parents. Cases of severe autism can turn a child into a violent person with self-mutilating tendencies. They can bang their head against the floor or wall until their whole head is covered in blood. They can get involve in fights that threaten life and limbs.
The seriousness of Sam’s condition prompted Dr Gottlieb to compile a series of touching letters written especially for his grandson. In one of the letters, he advised, “Sam, you are the product of the great love that two wounded souls have found. I love you every moment of every day. And I love you for the joy you have brought to my daughter…Sam, I want you to know that being different is not a problem. It’s just being different. But feeling different is a problem. When you feel different, the feeling can actually change the way you see the world.”
The triumph of optimism
Indeed, many of us are driven slavishly, like sheep to the slaughter, by our distorted feelings when we are struck by personal calamity. I know it is not easy or even natural to feel good after something bad has happened. But that’s not the problem. The problem is that we feed our feelings with negative thoughts, revile it with discouragements and starve it with hopelessness. And if we do it long enough, our world becomes darker and darker. It is like sentencing ourselves to life in a prison of despair. Although we cannot prevent tragedy from crashing into our life like a bad dream, we can surely over time prevent negative, hopeless and condemning thoughts from remaining in our life. Remember it is your life, your house, your rules.
William Arthur Ward once wrote, “Real optimism is being aware of problems but recognizing the solutions, knowing about difficulties but believing they can be overcome, seeing the negatives but accentuating the positives, is exposed to the worst but expects the best, has reason to complain but chooses to smile.”
In life’s tragedy, we are both victims and victors at the same time. We are victim to our circumstances because tragedy are beyond our control. They happen when we least expect it. But, they are also transient.
Just as we are victims to our circumstances, we are victors as well. We are victors in the way we choose to respond to the circumstances that victimize us. This philosophy is as old as Adam himself. We can let a little light into our darkroom every day and it will slowly but surely brighten the whole room. We can distract ourselves from the pain and fill our hours with meaningful activities, impacting lives for God. We can learn from our adversity and be grateful for the wisdom that it brings.
The famous nineteenth century revivalist Charles Spurgeon once wrote, “I bear willing witness that I owe more to the fire, and the hammer, and the file, than to anything else in my Lord’s workshop. I sometimes question whether I have ever learned anything except through the rod. When my schoolroom is darkened, I see most.”
A blessed rose
Let’s go back to the testimony of Tom and Marilyn Rose. After their children died in a car accident, after they lost their house and savings, a miracle of a different complexion began to happen. The community they lived in came together and funded their accommodation and put them and their family in a comfortable condominium. The people around them were greatly inspired by their testimony and their unwavering faith in God. Lives were changed as Tom and Marilyn were now able to heal the pain of others with the understanding and wisdom they had gained through experiencing pain of their own.
They took the Bible’s advice that commanded, “In everything give thanks,” literally. They sang and praised God despite the pain they had to go through. In their book, they recounted that praising God brings about three immeasurable benefits. Praises changes their focus. It distracts them from self-wallowing and commiseration. Praises also drove back the forces of darkness, for it is written “God inhabits our praises.” Lastly, God changes our garment through praises.
In Isaiah 61:3, it is written that He will give us “the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness.” In addition, just as trials come in a bundle, miracles come in trove. Tom and Marilyn experienced the miracle of a changed life. They chose to forgive the drunk driver who caused the accident and the hospital staff who mistakenly injected Lacey that led to her demise. They waive their right to claim for compensation, thereby decommissioning their lawyers. In turn, God healed Tom of his heart condition and gave him a new lease of life.
Nothing is more appropriate than to close this letter to you with an extract from Tom’s own inspiring words, “At one time my heart worked at half of its capacity, and I was a happy man. After the first heart failure, my heart was at 30 percent, but I could still say I was a happy man. It was when I lost my children my heart was broken.
To me, the greatest miracle was not the healing of my physical heart. It was when Jesus mended our broken hearts. Besides our salvation, this is the greatest miracle of all. I know I will never see my son graduate from the Air Force Academy, which was his dream. I will never see Lacey become a large animal veterinarian and train horses, which was her dream. There is, however, one thing I have seen – our children in the arms of a loving Savior.
I still miss them – and I will until that day we are together again – yet Jesus has given me beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; that I might be called a tree of righteousness, the planting of the Lord, that He might be glorified.”
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