Life is difficult. No one needs to tell us how difficult life can be. We just know it is difficult. The difficulty varies with each of us. We live in different contexts with different dire circumstances to face. Some of us have unpaid bills. Some of us have unfaithful spouse. Some of us are so discouraged that we are numb to all suggestion of happiness. Some of us are too depressed to even bother with life any longer. Some of us are even contemplating how easy it would be to just end our lives and thereby ending all unhappiness that comes with living. So, what’s the point in waking up every morning and going through the rut over and over again when the tunnel of life is so dark, miserable and seemingly hopeless?
Albert Camus once said that we just need to ask ourselves one critical question in life, “Should I commit suicide?” The answer to that question will determine whether our life is worth living. If we answer “yes”, then that would be the end of it; death waits. But for the courageous few who answer empathically “no”, then it is incumbent on them to ask the next question, “Why?” Why should I NOT commit suicide? Is my heartbeat telling me that there is more to life than ending it? Can there be meaning in this seemingly meaningless world? Can I live a life of purpose even though purpose is the last thing this secular world advocate?
The world’s philosophy is simple. We are a byproduct of a biological accident gone “right”. We exist by random luck, a cosmic lottery of sorts. We should count ourselves very very lucky to have existed because if we would to rewind time and space the second time round, going back 14.3 billion years, to the very start of “big bang” creation, converging to a point of singularity, when all things are but a primordial atom, it is highly unlikely, or ever likely, that we would ever come into existence. We should therefore thank our big fat luck for our existence. And if luck, as an element of nature, could be institutionalized and worshipped, the secularist and the atheists would most likely advocate such a practice – or promote it with religious fervor.
The world sees death as the ultimate end. It is nature’s way of telling us that “our time is up, make way for others!” When we are buried or cremated, we become a memory, a portrait or a family fable. We are occasionally remembered with some profound fondness but life as it is carries on regardless. We won’t be missed much. Sure, our loved ones will think of us, especially our spouse and children; but in the end, when they have all died, whose turn is it to remember us?
As time goes by, we become a distant memory, fading into timeless, spaceless oblivion. So, when we are still alive, the world tells us to enjoy, make merriment, laugh more and cry less. Be happy, don’t worry. Don’t be too religious. Spent your time on what is readily touchable, see-able and enjoyable like wealth, property and the adulation that comes with being famous. Don’t bother yourself with the immaterial, untouchable, unenjoyable. Live moment by moment. The world croons with this haunting refrain, “you start to die the moment you are born.” So, live up and make pleasure your ultimate leisure. That’s the world’s philosophy in a nutshell.
You can therefore see how difficult it is for the world to be religious, to believe in life after death, to view life as a pilgrim’s progress, and to have faith in a loving, gracious divine Creator unfolding a plan for each and every one of us. Of course, there are many happy atheists and secularist out there. They are highly successful. They have made a name for themselves. They are much adored and emulated by many. They are living the jet-set lifestyle with lots of cash, real estate and no-strings-attached companionship. By any ordinary standard, they should be happy and fulfilled. Or, are they?
I believe that we can be happy for different reasons. When we make a lot of money, we are happy. When we buy a new car, we are happy. When we are promoted, we are happy. Some happiness brings about temporary ecstasy. Winning a lottery counts as one. Beating your competitor or rival at work counts as another. But once the lottery money is used up, wisely or otherwise, the individual is back to where he first started - broke and in despair. Beating your competitor only brings about happiness for a season. The next time, your competitor may outwit, outsmart and outplay you. Some happiness brings about sensory or physical pleasure like lovemaking, a casual flirt or sharing a coarse joke. But are such happiness long-lasting, life-transforming and all-pervasive? Is there happiness in overcoming life’s difficulties? Is there happiness in sacrificing for a good cause? Is there happiness in grief, pain and sorrow?
Last week, I was told that one of my cousins was diagnosed with ovarian cancer. The cysts in her womb was 14 cm wide. The doctors even planned to surgically remove her womb, her ovaries and possibly her fallopian tubes if the cancer spreads. I can only wonder how this news could be devastating to my cousin; both emotionally and physically.
Consider the following hard hitting facts: my cousin is only 25 years old, she had just completed her undergraduate degree, she is in the prime of her youth, she is going to get married soon, and she is just entering the next exciting phrase of her marital and career life. What is even more heartbreaking is that she has yet to experience the joy of childbirth and the sweet challenges that rearing your own children bring. And all these may be cruelly taken from her because of one much dreaded physiological diagnosis. The one vital organ that defines her as a woman may be taken away from her for good. Now, all her dreams will remain just dreams. All her hopes are crushed.
This pain is intimately and viscerally experienced by Rabbi Harold S Kushner when his first child, Aaron, was born. At eight months old, Aaron stopped gaining weight. His hair started to fall off at age one. At three, the doctors delivered the medical verdict to Rabbi Kushner that no parents would ever wish to hear about their own child: Aaron has a rare physical condition called progeria or rapid aging. And the doctors did not stop at that, “Aaron would never grow much beyond three feet in height, would have no hair on his head or body, would look like a little old man while he was still a child, and would die in his early teens.” I don’t know about you, but I personally cannot even begin to understand how a parent could take in all that without feeling completely useless, faith-wrecked and helpless.
These are real pain and sorrow felt by real people in this world. In this world we live in, our physical problems abound just as sins and crimes are rife.
Fortunately, my cousin’s struggle with cancer has a happy ending. The surgery was successful. The surgeon excised two separate growths around both her ovaries and the growth carried 4 litres of water! She is now recuperating in the hospital and the cancer did not in any way compromise her reproductive organs. She can therefore marry and enjoy childbirth. Before she went into surgery, all her loved ones including me and my family prayed for her. It was a moment to savor, an inspirational gathering of faith where we prayed with conviction and determination.
Our collective hope in such time of trial soared to the heavens and tugged on the tailcoat of God for His attention and miraculous healing. And God mercifully answered our cry for help. When I heard the news that the operation was successful, something deep inside of my heart leapt for joy. It was a joy that was more gratifying than anything I had felt before. The joy of realized prayer was likened to a victory chant at the top of a hill. You just felt a great release and a renewal in your faith in God and his divine plan for your life. There is indeed joy unspeakable in overcoming life’s difficulties and I see the same joy in the teary eyes of my other relatives who prayed as fervently as I did for my cousin.
We all share the same commonwealth of faith and the day of our cousin’s healing demonstrated more clearly than ever the enduring power and love of God in our lives. Romans 8:17 puts it triumphantly, “Whatever you might be looking for, you can be sure God promised it. God has promised believers peace, love, grace, wisdom, eternal life, joy, victory, strength, guidance, provision for all our needs, power, knowledge, mercy, forgiveness, righteousness, gifts of the Spirit, fellowship with the Trinity, instructions from the Word, truth spiritual discernment, and eternal riches, to name a few. When we became Christian, we were made one with Jesus Christ. Therefore we receive everything the Father gives Him. Paul said we were made “heirs of God, and joint heirs with Christ””.
Now comes the life of Aaron, Rabbi Kushner’s son. Not every story has a happy ending. Despite the prayers and the travailing, Aaron did not live past his 14th birthday. He died in an old man’s body with a young man’s spirit. Many had offered some explanations to Rabbi Kushner for his son’s premature death. The explanations were of two types: turn the blame on men or turn it on God. When the blame was on men, the explanation evolved around not having enough faith, not living a holier life or living a life of un-confessed sin. When the blame was on God, the explanation was always subtler, more noble. It didn’t blame God per se but implied that God had a hand in the tragedy for an undisclosed purpose.
Others find solace in the advice that “the Father knows best”. Still others adopt the hush-hush approach and resigned to the tag “God gives and God takes…live with it.” But neither answer makes any practical sense to the sufferer or the victim. Neither does it do God any favor or justice. I believe that no prayer is ever offered more sincerely than the prayer for life, for health, for recovery from illness, for ourselves and for those we love. Blaming the sufferer’s lack of faith or his blemished life is a direct affront to the love, grace and mercy of God. It also mocks the sovereignty of God by implying that He will only intervene if our lives or faith measures up. In a word, God does as He pleases and He does not need our initiatives to work miracles.
Ultimately, Rabbi Kushner knew that he had to overcome the pain and injustice he felt when his son was taken from him. Life was more than difficult for him. In some ways, it was cruel, sadistic and twisted. To see before you your beloved son growing older, weaker and frailer faster than you as his father was utterly devastating. And knowing you can do nothing about it is even more painful. But Rabbi Kushner refused to blame God. He believes that God is not the author of his pain. Neither is He the contributor.
Rabbi Kushner sincerely believes that life is difficult because it is the way it is. There are some things that happen for a reason, an unrevealed one. There are others, in the majority, that happen because it is the way life and nature have been wound up since the fall of man. God’s plan was perfect but man corrupted it. Life as we know it therefore suffers the consequences of this corruption. However, our hope is not in this world but the world to come and upon this hope rests our faith and our source of comfort. It is also upon this hope that we draw strength and courage to overcome life’s difficulties.
Rabbi Kushner wrote, “Illnesses, accidents, human tragedies kill people. But they do not necessarily kill life or faith.” He continued, “Let me suggest that the bad things that happen to us in our lives do not have a meaning when they happen to us. They do not happen for any good reason which would cause us to accept them willingly. But we can give them a meaning. We can redeem these tragedies from senselessness by imposing meaning on them. The question we should be asking is NOT, “Why did this happen to me? What did I do to deserve this?” That is really an unanswerable, pointless question. A better question would be “Now that this has happened to me, what am I going to do about it.”
When life rears its ugly head, when the going gets tough, when all hope and energy are expended, our focus should be forward-looking and not backward-groping. Some misfortunes are never meant to be answered. They are better left unanswered since finding the answer can be even more depressing and disheartening. It also saps our reserve of strength and faith looking for unanswerable answers. It is infinitely better and practical to focus on how we can overcome life’s dangerous bends and corners rather than to mope over its causes. In the end, we can rest on this empowering consolation: every difficulty, every misfortune, every adversity will soon pass and we generally grow stronger, wiser and better for it.
Let me close with these powerfully practical words by a contemporary theologian, Jack Riemer:-
“We cannot merely pray to You, O God, to end war;
For we know that You have made the world in a way,
That man must find his own path to peace,
Within himself and with his neighbor.
We cannot merely pray to You, O God, to end starvation;
For you have already given us the resources,
With which to feed the entire world,
If we would only use them wisely.
We cannot merely pray to You, O God,
To root out prejudice,
For you have already given us eyes,
With which to see the good in all men,
If we would only use them rightly.
We cannot merely pray to You, O God, to end despair,
For you have already given us the power,
To clear away the slums and to give hope,
If we would only use our power justly.
We cannot merely pray to You, O God, to end disease,
For you have already given us great minds with which
To search out cures and healing,
If we would only use them constructively.
Therefore we pray to You instead, O God,
For strength, determination, and willpower,
To do instead of just to pray,
To become instead of merely to wish.”
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