Kaela, the Overcomer!

Nothing beats starting the year with a miracle and this miracle is one of many to come. This particular miracle is a miracle of life. It comes in the littlest package named Kaela – a baby who is only 4 days old and weighs about 2.4 kg. Kaela came into this world with great fanfare. She was a fighter, the biblical equivalent of an overcomer of all odds. Unlike most babies, whose first glimpse into this world is normally greeted by an ever joyous countenance, Kaela’s first glimpse invited some consternation – mostly from overhyped young medical staff. By some quirky stroke of life’s random agenda, Kaela was born whiter than snow. Her face as ashen as pulp and as lifeless as wood.

The diagnosis was: Kaela had lost around 50% of her blood and she urgently needed a blood transfusion. Three letters then made their ominous acquaintance: ICU. For two days, the medical team pumped life into Kaela. Foreign hemoglobin entered her fragile and delicate body. Intravenous tubes connected to impersonal machines were conjoined with her tiny frame. Breathing cap was placed over her small, supple lips.

There and then, the biggest race of Kaela’s life started – the race for survival, for the right to live. And Kaela lacked no life of her own. She was determined to grab on to life with all her limbs, all her heart and all her spirit. She wrestled with life the way Jacob wrestled with the angel for a blessing. Kaela was more sure of what she wanted than any young man in love knows what he wants: Kaela wanted to live and nothing was going to deny her that right. The struggle was relentless, determined and all-consuming.

Kaela fought with every breath inside of her and every breath was not wasted. With every heave, she draws closer to life. With every heave, she steps away from darkness. With every heave, Kaela grows in strength and hope. Indeed, where is thy sting, O death? Today, the struggle is over. Kaela has asserted her right to live. The victory is secured. The celebration will be life-empowering. And the testament, life-changing. Kaela has indeed breathed life into the scripture which reads, “For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things to come, nor height, nor depth, nor any other creatures, shall be able to separate us from the love of God.” (Roms 8:38-39)

If I may add, “nothing shall be able to separate Kaela from the love of her parents.” One should
pause here to think about the love of one’s own parents. This love is just too strong to be ignored.

I am a father of two. I know how it feels to love your children and be loved by them. The hardest part of parenting is not to love them, it comes as second nature (first nature is the need to reach out to God’s love). The hardest part of parenting is to see our children going through a personal crisis that is beyond our abilities to help. All we could humanly do is to pray for them, to lend them a listening ear and to have a broad shoulder for them to cry on. Their pain is somehow magnified in ours. Their cries are twice as loud. And their dashed dreams are as personally felt as our own failures.

Parenting is the most rewarding calling in our life and also the most challenging. No career, however rewarding, can compare with the vocation of a parent. In a career, you are judged by your monthly salary, your current position and your success in clinching a deal or two. But as a parent, you are judged by the life you help to nurture, model by example and mentor. You therefore play an invaluable role. It is an awesome duty, a profound experience and an accomplished calling.

Nurturing a life is a serious business; it takes 24-7 commitment, and sometimes, round-the-clock anxiety. It is said that “our children are not machines that need to be repaired through a series of mechanical steps – they are relational being whose souls grow through the mystery of their relationship.” It is sometimes a mystery because we will never know for sure how our kids will turn out.

No matter how much we guide, shelter and protect, we cannot guarantee that they will turn out the way we had hoped. It is therefore true that we cannot just “construct” a perfect human being. Each child is special and unique and they grow at their own time and pace. Here, a wise saying comes to mind, “Children are born as individuals. If we fail to see that, if we see them as clay to be molded in any shape we like, the tougher ones will fight back and end up spiteful and wild, while the less strong will lose that uniqueness they were born with.”

I can only imagine the anxiety Mark and Jasmine, the parents of Kaela, had to go through the first few days of her birth. Kaela must have given her parents some cause for worry, to put it mildly of course. But now, Kaela has taken her right to live back and is progressing very well. The last time I heard she was already drinking milk, passing out urine and breathing on her own. Such wonderful news is indeed a cause for celebration.

Kaela’s victory has taught me three valuable lessons about life. First, we are never a helpless bystander in times of crisis. There are things that we can do or contribute to ease the crisis. However small our contribution, it is significant in the eyes of God and to the family who are receiving our help. And the miracle of helping is that, by extending our own hands in aid, we unknowingly strengthen our hands to aid ourselves in our own personal trials. Second, our attitude towards our crisis makes the crucial difference of how our crisis will turn out – be it a blessing or a stumbling block. Lastly, God is our purpose-maker, a maker of meaning amidst difficult times.

On the first lesson, I shall rely on the wisdom of Pope Gregory I, a doctor of the church and a saint, who wrote, “There is nothing we can offer to God more precious than our good will. But what is good will? To have good will is to experience concern for someone else’s adversities as if they were your own; to give thanks for our neighbor’s prosperity as for our own; to believe that another person’s loss is our own, and also that another’s gain is ours, to love a friend in God, and to bear with an enemy out of love; to do to no one what we do not want to suffer ourselves, and to refuse to no one what we rightly want for ourselves; to choose to help a neighbor who is in need, not only to the whole extent of our ability, but even beyond our means. What offering is richer, what offering is more substantial than this one? What we are offering to God on the altar of our hearts is the sacrifice of ourselves?”

This about sums up the purpose of our existence: selfless giving and caring for others.

Mark and Jasmine, I deeply thank you for allowing us to play a part in the trial you guys have experienced this week and also to share in Kaela’s victory. You guys have made our life richer, more substantial and more meaningful. In every small ways, we extend our good will to you and to Kaela in our prayers, our visitations and our gifts. We share your pain and anxiety. We also share your joy and bliss.

By allowing us to take up the burden of care for Kaela, you have allowed our shoulders to grow broader to carry our own life’s burdens. By allowing us to pray for Kaela as a family, you have drawn us closer to God and to our loved ones. By allowing us to celebrate in Kaela’s little miracle, you have renewed our hope and faith in God and have deepened our relationship with Him. So you see, in no small ways, your family and Kaela have been an all-rounder influence in our lives.

I once read that our life is a term, like a school term or a tenancy term, except much longer and more challenging. Life therefore imposes on us a particular direction and it is orientated towards the highest possible goal of charity and love. This special week, you guys have held our hands and taken us along that road, that higher road of meaning and purpose, to realize what it really means to be a child of God. Thank you for the privilege. Thank you for the life-deepening journey.

The second lesson is on attitude. Mark, you might not know this, but in times of crisis, you exude a quiet assurance and confidence as if you already knew how things were going to turn out. This assurance and confidence is inspirational. Let me take an intimate passage written by you about four years ago when your father passed away a born-again Christian, a tribute to your unceasing care and effort to him. You penned, “Do not be discouraged when things don’t seem to be going right. God knows it and He knows what is in our heart. He even knows that we are angry with Him but God is so gracious. Not only He is not angry with us, He even turned the situation around to our benefit. Sometimes we don’t even see it at a much later time.” Thank you for being an inspiration. Thank you for being a mentor.

Lastly, the third lesson that Kaela has taught me is that God is a purpose-maker. Now, we can never fully understand why trials and tribulation come our way. Why a life so calm and peaceful can be invaded by an offence so lame and appalling. Why a young precious life so innocent and pure can be occasioned by an event so dreadful and painful.

Maybe, just maybe, life is a set up. It is deliberately wired to be difficult for a purpose. Maybe, all that pain is the price paid for growth. All that hurt points us to what’s really important in life. Maybe, we become better by overcoming challenges than living without any. Mark, your faith in God has never returned to you flat. It always pays rich dividends – not so much in monetary sense but in character-building.

You and Jasmine embraced crisis with great aplomb and you guys grew stronger with each beating. I guess the secret is that you guys chose to see the purpose behind every crisis. Just like there is always reward after the cane, relieve after the pain and sunshine after the rain, you guys have what I call “faith-vision” – you see what slavishly follows after every trial, that is, a purpose far greater than the trial itself. A wise man once said, “There is nothing, no circumstances, no trouble, no testing that can ever touch me until, first of all, it has come past God and past Christ, right through to me. If it has come that far, it has come with a great purpose.” So, thank you, Kaela and family for these three precious life lessons. Thank you for breathing meaning into our 2008!