Friday's Recap (301009)

Dear Cell, last Friday we discussed about unscriptural convictions and then we examined its undesirable impact and influence. Predictably, we got carried away and started to go into the heart of what is currently wrong with Christianity and how we personally felt about it. Of course, we are not qualified socio-religious commentators or ecumenical (whole Christian Church) pundits. But our discussion did shed some light into the disturbing dark side of beliefs. We talked about how a famous mega-church pastor once told the media that he wished he had a Holy Ghost machine gun so that he could use it to hunt down his enemies (here means his critics). No matter what faith or religious background you come from, that statement would surely send shivers and chills down your spiritual spine. It is just a wrong statement, morally and spiritually. The televangelist should have known better but somehow bad taste and bad judgment got the better of him.

Then, we talked about false prophets, people who used the name of God for self-gain and self-popularization. Basically, God’s name was used by them for their own sake and not for His kingdom. Of course, false prophets come in varying sizes and degrees. Jim Jones and David Koresh are unmistakable examples of false prophets. Their warped doctrines and egregious deeds say it all about their egomaniacal personalities.

But the Bible has a broader definition of a false prophet and 2 Peter 2:1-3 gives us a good footing on this, “But there were also false prophets among the people, just as there will be false teachers among you. They will secretly introduce destructive heresies, even denying the sovereign Lord who bought them…Many will follow their shameful ways and will bring the way of truth into disrepute. In their greed these teachers will exploit you with stories they have made up.” This is a sobering warning for Christians to keep watch and pray for people I label as “Jesus-less Christians”. And the only way you can tell them apart from the rest is the fruits that their life and ministry bear. Jesus said that it is by their fruits that you shall know them and indeed there is no better way. When in doubt about a person or a ministry or even a church, the best advice is to take the “wait-and-see” approach.

In the meantime, we do our part to suspend all judgments and keep our noses clean until such time when all that really matters are revealed. We must trust that our God is the God of truth and truth like a flooding light in pitched darkness cannot stay hidden, covered or suppressed for long. All you need is a crack or a leak in the character or ministry and the shaft of light will pour forth and expose the corroded structures. When that time comes, we can all taste the fruits for ourselves and see whether it is sweet or rotten.

What is sad about the emergence of all these false prophets and teachers is that they thrived richly and grandly under our consummeristic culture. It is like oxygen to them and their ministry. And when they thrived, they also bred in the hearts and minds of their congregants the message that self-satisfaction is better than self-sacrifice, convenience is better than conviction, and prosperity is better than poverty. There is in fact no easier, more convenient and more seductive evangelistic bait than a religion that does everything for you, costs you nothing, is readily available at your beck and call and comes with a lifetime warranty of an eternal bliss. This is what some churches are peddling or selling to their congregation. Beloved, our faith has been commodified. It has been packed, branded and marketed in return for profit like any secular businesses in this world. I think the label “McChurch” describes it well.

Like McDonald, some churches are growing both locally and internationally. They have global networks, branches, offices, and headquarters. They own large estates, private amusement parks, shopping malls, grand mansions, getaway resorts, private companies, a stable of luxury cars, and lots and lots of cash and investments. I think a famous quote (attributed to a former Chaplain Richard Halverson) expresses the cultural phenomena best, “In the beginning the church was a fellowship of men and women centering on the living Christ. Then the church moved to Greece, where it became a philosophy. Then, it moved to Rome, where it became an institution. Next, it moved to Europe, where it became a culture. And, finally, it moved to America, where it became an enterprise.”

What’s wrong with all these ownerships?

Let’s be clear about one thing. God owns everything, the “here and now”, the “there and beyond”. All that our eyes can see and cannot see, God owns it all. Who is therefore the real owner of this created world? God is and He will forever be. So, we should never forget who is the real Owner. (the operative word is “never”) CS Lewis, with his characteristic wit, once wrote, “He who has God and everything has no more than he who has God alone.” Indeed, God is all we ever need; everything else is costume jewelry. Having said this, I issue you this challenge: Can you come to a stage whereby you can, with a lifted spirit, sing this hymn to our God, “…turn your eyes upon Jesus, look full in His wonderful face, and the things of this world will grow strangely dim in the light of his glory and grace,” and mean every word of it? Beloved, this is not a personal call to poverty and to sell all your earthly possessions. But it is a call to stewardship. We may own all things on paper, like title deeds, shares certificates and promissory notes, with our names on them; but we mentally attribute true ownership to God. We become His stewards, tending to His gardens, managing His investments, and preserving His properties. We dedicate all that we have to God and use them for the expansion of God’s kingdom. We practise what I call Christian Capitalism, using our wealth responsibly to bless others first and in turn be blessed by them.

Beloved, the risk of having more in this world, that is, bigger houses, bigger bank accounts, bigger cars, bigger ambition, bigger reputations, bigger accomplishments, is the risk of not having enough. I trust that all of you are and will, in one way of another, prosper in your own time and in your own way. Some of you will progress faster than others in your career, gain more in material blessings, and be recognized for your accomplishments. Money is of course important; but to the same extent that balance and contentment are equally important, if not more. There’s a saying that if you want to see a person’s true character, give him power. If you want to see the effect in double quick time, give him absolute power. This applies, with equal force, with money. Of course, we all know that money doesn’t corrupt. Money is amoral. That much is agreed. But it is not money that we should be worried about; it is the money-handler and his corruptible intentions that should be guarded against.

Here, the words of former Chaplain Richard Halverson deserve another full quote, “Jesus Christ said more about money than any other single thing because, when it comes to a man’s real nature, money is of first importance. Money is an exact index to a man’s true character. All through Scripture there is an intimate correlation between the development of a man’s character and how he handles his money.”

Jesus had warned us repeatedly about money in his short lifetime on earth because it concerns our soul and spirit. His admonishment to the rich young man was the hallmark of his many teachings (see Luke 18:18). No one should doubt the sincerity of the rich young man on his desire to follow Jesus just like no one should doubt that he was extremely wealthy. He was also a perfectionist, I guess. He listened and obeyed every commandment in the Old Testament since he was a rich young boy. So, he was both a say-er and a doer. By any standards, he was a “good Christian” way ahead of his time. Yet, we know that he was not shortlisted to join Jesus’ ministry because he had self-disqualified himself.

Although his attitude towards everything in life passed with flying colors, his attitude towards money flopped big time. In the end, he just could not envision a life following Jesus without wealth. I think CS Lewis’ adage above does not apply to him – he wants both God and everything. His attitude is such that wealth is inseparable with life. One cannot live without the other. Sadly, I think the rich young man had missed Jesus’ point altogether. I like to think that Jesus did not literally want him to sell everything and give them all to the poor – at least not immediately or in the near future. If I may be allowed to engage in some scriptural adventurism, I would like to think that Jesus wanted the rich young man to experience a change of heart first before he proceeds with a change of behavior. For it is with a change of heart that we can truly be transformed for good and forever. Borrowing the words of Confucius would be proper here, “Wherever you go, go with your heart?” I guess if the rich young man were to follow Jesus, he would have left his heart behind – a heart for all his wealth.

Beloved, what is your attitude towards money? Is it your master or your servant? Of course, at this stage, most of us do not have enough to allow it to lord over us. But it is not in the quantity that counts; it is in the quality. We can have a heart of avarice or greed without having a lot of money. We can secretly strive for personal fame and recognition on the pretense of doing good and performing charity. We can camouflage blind ambition as human aspirations and progress. You therefore don’t need money to be corrupted; you just need an un-surrendered, rebellious heart. Matthew 6:21 puts it best, “Where your treasure is, there your heart will be.”

So, let’s go back to McChurch. Here are some of the rotten fruits that these false prophets or teachers frequently produce to mislead their gullible flock (and the central theme in all their teachings has to do with self-enriching on a grand scale either in terms of gaining more money or more fame)

1) False Promises and False Hopes. Many of them will tell you things you want to hear and, because you want so much to hear them, you more readily and more easily believe them - hook, line and sinker. Many sincere Christians have become easy target for the outlandish, unscriptural promises coming out from the mouth of these false shepherds of God. Now, I want to be brutally honest with statistics here. There have been claims of resurrections, growing of amputated limbs, and healing of terminal cancer, among other dreaded diseases. There is even a ministry that specialized in a program called “Raise the Dead”. However, statistics do not lie. These so called “miracles of God” were, for reasons unbeknownst to most, always anecdotal, after-the-facts, and poorly documented.

When confronted for objective verification, these faith-healers were unable to reproduce the same miracle in the eyes of an impartial public and, to save face, they never failed to give lame excuses for their inability to “conjure” up a miracle; as if God only works miracles under spotless and pristine conditions. I am submitting that there are reasons to doubt the claims made by them not so much because of a lack of proof but of a lack of character and integrity. You shall know them by their fruits. The lives of these false prophets say it all. Most of the time, their ministries are about money; the more the merrier. Fame and recognition comes at a close second. One international televangelist even threatened the public that if they held back their seed money from him, his god would charge them 20 percent (interests) and take it away from them through tragedy!

Another went to the extent of blackmailing his congregation by telling them that if his ministry does not raise 1.5 million dollars by a certain deadline, his god will take his life! Imagine being forced to give by the threat of death. Still another told his congregation that he once visited heaven and saw Jesus personally and yet, at another point in his life, he testified that he had allowed demons to possess and take control of his body, thrashing it from one wall to another! You just can’t help but squirm in confusion about such unbiblical baloney.

2) False visions. Seeing vision and dreaming dreams are one of the main operandi modus of these self-styled faith healers. One pastor claimed to have been to heaven and he saw Jesus. He described Jesus as having the loveliest brown eyes he had ever seen; very much like those of Bambi’s. Jesus was also radiating with many colors and one of them that shone the brightest was pink. He also saw the apostle Paul and he described him as short, bald and monk-like.

Another pastor claimed to have numerous out-of-body experiences and one of them took him to a place where he was having a discussion with Jesus. In the middle of it, a demon monkey leapt out from nowhere and created a racket. After a while of monkeying around, the pastor took control of the situation and commanded the demon monkey to shut up in the name of Jesus. Then, what’s most disturbing were these alleged words of Jesus to the pastor, “If you hadn’t done something about that (demon monkey), I couldn’t have.” Imagine Jesus, the one who overcame life and death, was completely helpless until the pastor took charge! Beloved, I am not denigrating dreams and visions. I believe there are authentic visions like that of Jesus’ transfiguration. What I am against are dreams and visions for its own sake, in particular, for self-glory. To see through these fake imaginings or illusions, we have to constantly pray for discernment and spiritual maturity.

3) False Guilt and Fear. I believe that true guilt and fear lead to a heart of conviction and true repentance. The Bible says that the fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom. This is the fear that draws us closer to God. But the guilt trip and fear that the false prophet plant in the hearts of his congregations are of a different nature altogether. A pastor once told his church that any pastor who does not accept what God had told him would “fall dead in the pulpit”! In another incident, the pastor’s wife doubted what she saw in a service when a woman levitated from an altar and stood in mid-air dancing. Immediately, the pastor’s wife was “slain” by the Spirit of God and was glued to the floor. She writhed in pain for a while, struggling to stand up. However, all her efforts were in vain until she acknowledged that she was wrong.

Sadly, there are many out there who are held spellbound by these false prophets and their cultic sway. Most of them elected to stay compliant in their respective ministries because they were afraid of spiritual reprisals when they leave. Some of them were even stunted in their faith through guilt. Thanks to the twisted teachings of the so-called shepherds of God, they repeatedly blame their circumstances and their sickness on their lack of faith and trust in God. These helpless souls are literally at the mercy of their spiritual leaders and the latter continues to subjugate them by injecting guilt into their spiritual veins with one hand and dangling false hope with the other. In the light of this, one can identify with these words from the mouth of a non-believer, “Religions are founded on the fear of the many and the cleverness of the few.”

4) Lastly, False Teachings. One pastor admitted that he regularly visited grave sites of dead evangelists in order to assimilate the “anointing’ from their bones. He also said that the Holy Spirit once told him that women were originally designed to give birth out of their side! Although these pulpit ramblings seem silly and ridiculous, there are some teachings that are serious enough to warrant some attention and addressing. A pastor once preached this, “Do you think that the punishment for our sin was to die on a cross? If that were the case, the two thieves could have paid your price. No, the punishment was (for Jesus) to go to hell itself and to serve time in hell separated from God.” Well, I didn’t know the two thieves were “God’s begotten children” and part of the Trinity! Anyway, Jesus said it was finished at the cross and not in hell. His victory and our salvation were secured when he died on the cross. The idea that Jesus had to serve in hell like a common prisoner before we can be saved is a dangerous idea and, if we do not take care of what we listen, such ideas can grow wings, distort the truth, and derail our spiritual walk.

Another false teaching is the prosperity teachings so popular among the charismatic circles. One pastor claimed that Jesus wore designer’s robe, lived in a big house, had a rich ministry, and rode on a brand new donkey. Another pastor barked, “…the reason why I drive a Rolls Royce is because I’m following in the step of Jesus.” Well, with such cheap sloganeering and racy advertisements, who wouldn’t want to be a Christian?

As an aside, I can understand why this is so from a limited perspective. In life, all of us, with no exceptions, want to prosper both physically and professionally. We want the best for ourselves and our families. Who doesn’t want promotion, increased salary, recognition, power, and health? If we are honest enough, we will admit that we want it all; if possible, as soon as possible. And there is nothing wrong with wanting it all per se. Well, I will not deal with the issue of money and our heart since I have already dealt with it at length previously. At this point, I just want to balance things up. I want to give you a realistic credit and debit of life’s accounting. In essence, Jesus never promised us a rose garden. But He did promise us a garden Gethsemanes when He said, “In this world you will have troubles. But, behold, I have overcome the world.”

Somehow, there is something insidious and patently wrong with the hundred-fold prosperity message. Those prosperity preachers who exalt the goodness of God and promise that for every seed money sent to them, God would bless the giver a hundred fold back, are terrible economists. Picture this: if everyone were to give to these money-leeching ministries, holding nothing back, and what was promised to them (that is, a hundredfold return) was fulfilled without exception, then, imagine the chaos in the world economy! There will be runaway, hyper-inflation with prices of goods and services skyrocketing to the economic stratospheres! Too much money chasing after too little goods would mean that a loaf of bread may very well cost a million Singapore dollars and we will have to wheel-cart bundles of cash all the way to the mall just to buy a bottle of milk. I guess such promises are just too far removed from reality to be believed and yet many were nevertheless hook-winked by the “hundredfold” bait just like many were fleeced by the Madoff scheme. I can also guess that the only one enjoying the hundredfold return is the one who made the empty promise in the first place. It is therefore the spiritual con-artists who are laughing their way to the banks.

In the last cell, I shared about one scripture that convicted me deeply when I was a new Christian and it still holds great important to me today. The relevance of this scripture to my message will become clear soon enough. John 12:24 puts it eloquently, “I tell you the truth, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds.” Beloved, this is the heart of the message. This is Jesus’ message and His legacy for all true believers. The credit and debit of life’s accounting is based on this scripture. The credits to being believers are this: our life is transformed from darkness into his marvelous light. We are saved and our eternity is secured. As long as we trust in God, we will always have this hope and this hope is powerful enough to carry us through life, even through the toughest of times. This is the good news. Empowered by this news, we then live our life with faith, hope and love. We live our life as if on borrowed time and do our best in all our endeavors. Prosperity may come our way when we live for Christ. We may become successful. We may have lots of money and real estate. We may have good health and a strong, united family.

Or we may not. We may suffer illnesses, some even life-threatening beyond our control. However hard we try, our family may break up because of a prodigal spirit. Our career may careen off track and temporary poverty becomes our lot. We may experience early death in a family or sorrow too painful to speak of. So, don’t let the prosperity preachers take reality away from you. Don’t let them wind you up with false hopes and empty promises. Our hundredfold blessing has already been given to us at two points in history: one was when Jesus died in our place and another when He went before us to prepare our mansion. Beloved, don’t give your blessings away to the spiritual con-artists and sell away your birthrights.

In life’s interim, Jesus’ message is this: Unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. Beloved, we cannot be a blessing to others if we do not let go of the blessing we hold in our hands. We are “seeds to be planted” and are of no use to God’s Kingdom if they remain above ground. But to plant them in God’s soil, metaphorically speaking, is to give of ourselves to Him completely. Our surrender is what is required of us in exchange for an abundant life; not necessarily in wealth and health. But in a definite victory that Jesus experienced two thousand years ago, that is, a victory over life unceasing strivings, over life’s pain and sorrow, over the sting of death, and of the enduring assurance that God is good and He will make all things good again in the end, be it in our lifetime or in the life to come.

On this note, I will let 1 Peter 2:21-23 (The Message) bring us home,

“This is the kind of life you’ve been invited into,

the kind of life Christ lived.

He suffered everything that came his way so you would know that it could be done,

and also know how to do it, step by step,

“He never did one thing wrong,

Not once said anything amiss.”

They called him every name in the book and he said nothing back.

He suffered in silence, content to let God set things right.”

Have a hundredfold week ahead!

Friday's Recap

Dear cell, here is Zenn's take on last Friday's charged-up discussion.

Contentment

Last night in cell we spoke casually about Louis Vuitton (LV) bag. This is in wake of what we have been discussing – one should be contented. Mm, does it mean that having an LV bag label one as discontented and materialistic?

I have to say I kept on seeing LV last night. In my dreams, that is. It did not click. What does having LV got to do with the spiritual walk. Many take it that it is normal to go on holidays every year, and the bills for holidays keep escalating. But wait a minute. No one seemed to say that this person is not contented. Mm. After all, does it not mean that one is discontented in one’s current state if one needs to get out of the country? Holiday is supposed to stand for holy-day. Wow, I did not know that being in God’s sanctuary involve getting as far away from home as possible!

Ok. Some will start to wonder, ‘Zenn must be an LV fan’. No, I am not the kind who must own everything branded, and neither do I own an LV bag. But I must say that we must be careful sometimes in our judgement, lest it can become quite Pharisee-like. That said, I better confess first that I do own something LV- my wallet. I have never looked for an LV wallet, but after we got the car, I needed a practical sized wallet that can last and hold my more than ten cards, notes, coins, house and car keys (those with car keys know it is bulky!), as well as pocket tissue paper. Yes, my LV wallet did it, and from then on it became one of my treasured possessions. Not because of the branding, but because it is practical, really last and is of good quality (I must confess I am very much into quality and so do go for seemingly designer brands for its sheer quality sometimes).

On the other extreme, I have heard of people who have taken it all wrong and assume that being contented means spending as little as possible on each item. They actually call this being simple. But a look at their spending pattern reveals otherwise. Some of these people actually have become addicted to the pleasure of purchase (yes, I personally have known quite a few of such people). They have to buy and buy. In fact, they shop and buy new items every week! Try giving them more money and see what happens… you get the drill.

Therefore, what I am trying to imply is that we cannot look at a person’s external appearance and derive our own conclusions. Neither did the bible link contentment only to one’s material possessions. In fact, like always, God says He looks at the heart. It is actually much more encompassing and when lived correctly, enables God’s children to truly live joyfully in this world. And that is why diving deeper into this study is essential.

First of all, being contented has to do with being comfortable with who you are and the status you are born into in this world. There are many who complain why they are born in a certain country, to certain parents, and have certain siblings. It seem like we are forced to be born to this world and have no choice with regards one’s standing. God has a purpose for putting us exactly where we are. After all, he engineered our birth. So, we must accept and appreciate our birth.

We have to be contented with the talents we are born with – first, how clever we were in studies, followed by where we land up in for work and where we are now in our career. Also, how much money we make. Basically, in the Parable of the Talents, it clearly states we are all born with different talents and therefore the result in life is also different. It also means accepting that there will always be people who are already born in a more advantageous position than us. But it did not say we stop there. We are not to be contented to the point of being stagnant or lazy! Remember the case of the person who simply bury his talent? God took it away from him! Imagine if we have the wrong conviction and think that being contented means just being happy with what we have and not progressing. Then God may pass the talent (in the form of promotion or more money) to the person who can handle it better. That will be really sad, when initially God planned to give it to us.

Everyone of us has our own place in life where we are tested and will have to answer to God on the day we meet Him. Contentment includes not looking in another’s life- how much better or worse off they are than us. A good example of this is when Peter asked Jesus, ‘then what about him (John)?’ What if God told Peter then that John’s life ending will be much more pleasant? And, wait a minute, is not Peter the rock? Why does he have a worse ending? There again, if we look from a human point of view, nothing makes sense. Even faith does not make sense. Obedience to God many times does not make sense, eg. What has circling round the walls of Jericho got to do with pulling it down?

In fact, we have to be careful throughout life, because we never will always be in the same situation as we are in right now, and the test of contentment can take a different form. Let me give you a real life example- someone I know who used to appear very simple (=contented?) suddenly got a bank job. She changed her style of dressing, put on very pleasant make up, and looks much prettier now. One can say God blessed her with that job, and in fact she prayed for it. But what happened? She became discontented- that is, with her husband. She complains he is too boring because he dresses too plainly, he does not speak like the other banker guys, he earns less than them by doing almost the same job… ah ha… danger zone. When God answers our prayers, many times our test in life takes a different form. When we pass that test, we move on to the next higher level in life (in God’s terms).

Does this mean we cannot progress? No, of course not. If this is so, then the bible will not talk about God granting the desires of our heart. The key word is ‘desire’. Desire is not a need; it is a want. Therefore, being contented means we are to be appreciative of where we are now, no matter the circumstances, but it does not mean we have to resign to the fact that we will always be only where we are now. It means we try our best, and let God do the rest. It means when we talk about contentment, we live in the present. Today is a present (gift) so long as we enjoy today. But as for our tomorrows, we are taught not to worry, and cast all our cares on Him. It means we live rightly right now and everyday the best we know how in our present circumstances and tell God our wishes. Then we let Him decide if He will answer our prayers. We trust that God knows best if giving us more is better or worse off for us, and just for that faith, we persevere and hold on and appreciate (be contented) with our present.

Ah ha, what if our desire is for an LV bag? God never said we cannot like branded goods, did he? Mm… what about guys who are IT-crazy, or car crazy… mm… what about mums who send their kids for piano lessons? Can that not be considered materialism (although it is not self-indulgence but it is still a luxury good to be sending a kid to piano class, is it not)? My end point is this- do not judge. Only God can look at the heart and tell you why a person wants to take a particular course of action. If one buys a perceived upmarket item (can range from LV bag to a BMW or even a private property) purely for one’s own pleasure and within one’s budget and carry it with the right attitude (not as a one up against another), I believe with all my heart that the person has God’s approval.

For me, being contented the way God teaches is actually ultimate freedom, because we can look at something and truly appreciate it for what it is, whatever the item or price tag. For example, do I like designer goods? Yes and no. Some of their items are really nice, and I have no problem stepping into the shops and just appreciate them. Do I feel a stab if I see others buying something I like? No, definitely not. Will I buy an item I like if it is within my means? Well, if I extremely like it, the price is affordable and I have the money for it, and I foresee myself using it for a long time, why not?! But what if I already have something similar? Ah ha, that is where when one matures in Christ, one knows. You will stop and not buy that item. Ok. This is a small item. Let us talk about bigger items. Like, cars and houses. To many in society, it is a measure of success. So, do we buy the best car and house we can afford or do we exercise discipline and patience and get something less stressful on our wallets and health? Contentment will teach you to get something very much within your salary range and live comfortable with it.

When we are contented, we start to realize that we are worth more than many sparrows not because of what we have or how much money we make, but by who we are in Christ. Theoretically we know the concept but it is entirely different in practical application. When one is truly contented, one realizes suddenly that a lot of doors are open. We are not confined to having to take up whatever job that earns us the most money, in conformity to this world. We are not bothered how the world looks at us and judge for themselves how successful we are, because we know we are simply successful based on the fact we are chosen by God to be His child and that beats any amount of money this world can offer (if talk about money, then Jesus must be really tempted to be offered the whole world but He even answered the whole world is not even worth the price of our soul! How worthless in comparison to eternity money is). We can finally live life with a passion, even for work. We are able not to be slaves to money, just to pay off our ever-rising demands, but instead we know how to spend wisely and have the additional option of getting a job we like more, though it pays less (new discovery for myself). This enables us to truly live to work and work to live!

Recently I have also been taught that contentment also means jamming the brake. I always have a desire- to provide my daughter with everything I do not have as a child. I even went to the point of calculating how successful in money making I must be in order to afford her university fees, buy her a car to drive to school, then how to buy a freehold property so if she cannot afford to own a place (given how the crazy property market is faring now and the lack of land space in Singapore), she will have a house to live in when I die… I think it sounds very noble to be planning so much for one’s loved one. But, alas, it is also a form of discontentment. I only realized it when my thoughts got out of hand late one night and I heard the still small voice which basically said that owning a house is my daughter’s life race and not mine!

When we are more and more mature in our area of contentment in our lives, we start to realize that this world wants to conform us into their image and when we do, we become discontented and have unhealthy desires. But there is normal desire that is harmless and those areas, God will bless us, His children, when we are ready. The difference in whether it is a worldly or godly-approved desire lies in our motives and attitude. When we are able to manage our expectations realistically, God, our heavenly Father, will long to satisfy us! Like the scriptures put it, if even our earthly fathers know how to give good gifts to us, how much more will our heavenly Father do so!

So yes, cell, go for it. If your desire is LV bag and you have the right attitude, go. (within budget, that is)

Zenn Tan

24^th October 2009.

P/S. Augustine aptly writes that we should love:

a) the right thing

b) to the right degree

c) in the right way

d) with the right kind of love.

Friday's Recap(101009)

Dear Cell, last Friday, we were all asked this question, “Does it bother you that God is intentionally hiding? Why and why not?” Some of you were of the view God does not intentionally hide from us. In fact, one of the members said that it is more like we are hiding from Him; just like Adam and Eve did when they were aware of their nakedness and were afraid of it. For those who are hiding from God because of sins, guilt, fear and shame, James 4:8 issues this invitation, “…Come near to God and He will come near to you.”

But the question plumbs deeper than this. The question expects us to delve deeper into our hearts and our circumstances to reveal our human frailty and agony. All of us have moments of anguish and angst. All of us have cried to God and cried to our loved ones. Some of us have even cried to ourselves until complete physical exhaustion. In this life, there are indeed sorrows too deep for easy reach, pain too intense for quick relieve, and sadness too unrelenting for words or consolation. And we are not alone in our pain and sorrow. Psalms 88 is one of the most discouraging chapters in the Bible. In that scripture, the Psalmist poured out his heart to God. “But I, O Lord, cry to you in the morning my prayer comes before you. O Lord, why do you cast my soul away? Why do you hide your face from me?”

There are others waiting in line to share their grief in this life. CS Lewis is just one of the millions. CS Lewis was only ten when he watched his beloved mother die of cancer. Then, he was sent to a boarding school only to find himself tormented in the hands of a sadistic headmaster. Two years later, his headmaster was declared insane. Thereafter, CS Lewis’ life ascended to great heights of literary fame and worldwide adoration, which culminated to his marriage to his soul mate, Joy Gresham.

Just when everything was going right for him, Joy was diagnosed with cancer, the same dreaded disease that killed his mother. Their marriage did not last long, only five years, when Joy succumbed to cancer and died at age 45. Was God a cosmic sadist or a spiteful imbecile? - asked CS Lewis. These were tough times for him and he asked tough questions. The man who led many intellectuals to an intellectually-defensible conviction of the existence of God in a world of seemingly unspeakable cruelty was so distraught that he penned these haunting words in his book A Grief Observed, “What chokes every prayer and every hope is the memory of all the prayers (Joy) and I offered and all the false hopes we had. Not hopes raised merely by our own wishful thinking, but hopes encouraged, even forced upon us, by false diagnoses, by X-ray photographs, by strange remissions, by one temporary recovery that might have ranked as a miracle. Step by step we were led up the garden path. Time after time, when He seemed most gracious He was really preparing the next torture.” Was God playing with him? Was God toying with his faith? Was God hiding from him when he needed Him most? Although CS Lewis died a stronger Christian than before, he was not exempted from the pain and suffering that this world had inflicted on him. He braved through each and every one of them even during times of great despair and disappointment. Indeed, only in our sorrows do we truly experience the searing paradoxes of humanity; the joy and the pain, the laughter and the sadness, the hope and the betrayal, and the life and the death.

In the book Life in the Balance, I read about a renowned physician by the name of Thomas B. Graboys, MD. He had everything going for him in his life. He was a professor of medicine at Harvard Medical School, a president emeritus of the Lown Cardiovascular Research Foundation in Brookline, Massachusetts, and a senior physician at Brigham and Women’s Hospital in Boston. In 1985, he was part of the team of doctors who won the Nobel Peace Prize for their work with the International Physicians for the Prevention of Nuclear War. He had a beautiful and smart wife, Caroline, and two lovely daughters. But I guess you’d have expected what comes next. Dr Graboys was singled out for special mention in this letter not because of his achievements, which were extraordinary by any standard, but because of the tragedies that befell on him.

At the peak of his career, Dr Graboys’ experienced his first loss, his wife, Caroline. She endured, suffered and died of colon cancer in 1998. Although Dr Grayboys remarried in 2002, and his life seemed to be back on the fast track, the next loss was even more insidious than the first. Dr Graboys was diagnosed with Parkinson disease. In his own words, he describes this merciless and faceless robber of the human soul as such, “While Parkinson’s, which is caused by a chemical imbalance in the brain, is usually understood to be a disease characterized by loss of control over body movements, most people afflicted with the disease also experience difficulties with attention, concentration, problem-solving, concept formation, sequencing, vision, depression, and memory. But a significant portion of Parkinson’s patients – and I am one of these – have an associated degenerative disease, known as Lewy Body disease or Lewy Body dementia, which seriously impairs cognition and has other powerful side effects, such as hallucinations and violent REM sleep, that can result in injury to oneself or one’s sleeping partner. By night, I can suddenly lurch out of control; by day, I feel as though I have an on-off switch that controls my brain and I am not in control of it.”

Imagine, gradually losing yourself, your mind, and your personality, and leaving the empty shell of your body totally immobilized, utterly useless and progressively wasting away as the days and weeks roll by. As a result of the disease, he was forced into early retirement in 2006. He now struggles with everything, from physical movements to cognitive abilities, that we all take for granted most of the time. He takes ten times longer to write a short note. He is trapped in a body that no longer fully responds to his will. He has double vision and minor hallucinations. He has to depend on others to bath, wear his clothes, eat and tie his shoelaces. He suffered from slurred speech and temporary paralysis. Even the simple tasks of carrying a cup of coffee and paying for it have become a daunting challenge. Dr Graboys expressed his frustration in his own words, “I am angry over my losses, angry about the terrible pain and anxiety my illness has introduced into the lives of my wife and daughters, angry at the loss of much of my sexuality, angry that my young grandchildren will never know Pops without dementia, angry that it takes me twenty minutes to change a light bulb, angry that the disease has ripped apart the fabric of my life, and angry at being dependent.” Many times, Dr Graboys thought about ending his life and sparing his loved ones the agony of caring for someone who will one day treat them as perfect strangers. In fact, he is not afraid of dying, but he is “afraid of living with a mind that has been erased.”

In the closing of his book, he has this advice to those who are enduring their own life-threatening illness, “Use your faith in God, if you believe in God. There were times when Caroline was ill when, for no apparent reason, I would sit in the non-denominational chapel at the Brigham and Women’s Hospital, even though I am not a religious person. Yet sometimes I would find comfort in prayer.”

But, at this juncture, you may ask, “Where is God in all these sufferings?” Where was God when Paul was going through his trials so poetically recorded in 2 Corinthians 11:24-28, “Five times I received at the hands of the Jews the forty lashes less one. Three times I was beaten with rods. Once I was stoned. Three times I was shipwrecked; a night and a day I was adrift at sea; on frequent journeys, in danger from rivers, danger from robbers; danger from my own people, danger from Gentiles, danger in the city, danger in the wilderness, danger at sea. Danger from false brothers; in toil and hardship, through many a sleepless night, in hunger and thirst, often without food, in cold and exposure. And, apart from other things, there is the daily pressure on me of my anxiety for all the churches.” Where was God when Jesus cried out, “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?” Was God hiding? Was He restraint? Was He silent? Where was God when King David wrote Psalms 22, “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me? Why are you so far from saving me, from the words of my groaning? O my God, I cry by day, but you do not answer, and by night, but I find no rest.”

At last Friday cell, most of us are travailing in our own Garden of Gethsemane. We are hard pressed by circumstances beyond our control, struggling to make ends meet. Meeting deadlines that require more than what we can physically and mentally offer. Holding on to hope that seems so tenuous, so fragile. Some are even questioning God for not giving enough grace for the arduous journey ahead. Well, I would have you know that the word Gethsemane actually means “the oil press”. In order to make olive oil, you will have to press the olive drupes. By pressing, you separate the oil from the other fruit contents like vegetative extract liquid and solid material. So it is with your trials and your travailing. Whatever your circumstances, there is a distinct final product to be gained from your endurance and perseverance. That which seems most puzzling and indefinite to you when you are bombarded by one trial after another will one day come to light with the empowerment of God’s grace, comfort and assurance. Of course, the final product once you have overcome your trial is your absolute reliance on God and your maturity of faith and character in Him.

Having said this, we all know it is never pleasant or easy when you are in thick of it all. It is therefore natural for the tormented or the oppressed in Christ to do what CS Lewis had done – point the finger at God and cry “Foul Play”. Dr Graboys did the same by asking the all too familiar refrain, “Why? Why me? Why now?”

I know ultimately that it is your trial and, in an unfortunate way, it has your signature on it. This means that it is your lot in life and it is for you to overcome and rise above it. But you should never for one second succumb to the devil’s insinuation that you are all alone in your personal struggles. This is the time to rally loved ones and friends together. Of course, our loved ones cannot possibly be with you 24-7 but at the very least, their collective prayers would embolden you and strengthen your faith. God Himself did the same when faced with the evil of Calvary. God in the form of man, that is.

In Matthew 26:38, Jesus rallied Peter, James and John together to pray for and comfort him. To them, he confessed, “My soul is very sorrowful, even to death; remain here, and watch with me.” Surely, it is tempting to say that Jesus must be kidding. He was the Son of God, not by adoption like us, but by divine identity. He had the power to turn the tide over in his favor. Yet, when faced with the wrath and insanity of humanity at the cross, he was no different from mere mortal man; tormented, emaciated and fearful. What was Jesus thinking? Well, the truth is, Jesus was not thinking. He was merely obeying. For it is from his lips these words were spoken, “Not my will but thine be done.” Jesus was not looking for immediate deliverance of his trial. He was not looking for a hand out from heaven. He was not asking for power from on high to subjugate his enemies. He was merely asking for strength, strength of the heart, to do what was asked of him. Here, Psalms 10:17 is instructive, “O Lord, you hear the desire of the afflicted, you will strengthen their heart; you will incline your ear.”Of course, we know that Jesus’ obedience bore fruits of universal redemption. We know that the end justified the pain and sorrow.
The question here is, “what is your end?” How will your trial turn out? What has God planned for you in your afflictions?

Well, beloved, the first battle would have to be time, chronological season. Your trial will last for a season. As surely as one season goes and another comes, your trial will pour first before it drizzles off. During such time, your hope is twofold: hope of the expiry of your trial and hope in an assurance of eternal glory. I have to say that nothing last forever. Even in death, we know where our eternal address ultimately resides. Some trials are just not made to last. Divorcees, cancer-survivors, discharged bankrupts, reformed convicted and the bereaved will attest to this. They have been through the worst of time in their life and they have the scars of experience to show. But, when the dust settles and the hours turn to days and the weeks to months, the pain of their trials will progressively loses its sting. There will come a time when the trial will become a distant memory and its haunting fades into the pale.

In the interim, your hope is in God to sustain and deliver you. In his affliction, Paul allowed these words to lift his spirit, “For this slight momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal.” God’s assurance abound in the Bible and you can surely draw strength and hope in Isaiah 43:2, “When through the deep waters I call you to go, the rivers of sorrow shall not overflow; for I will be with you, your troubles to bless, and sanctify to you your deepest distress.” Indeed, God will lift you above the rivers of sorrow and preserve you in your deepest distress. In fact, the same verses go on to assure, “When through fiery trials your pathway shall lie, my grace, all-sufficient, shall be your supply; the flame shall not hurt you; I only design your dross to consume and your gold to refine.”

Beloved, I think we should meet suffering on God’s term. This was how Joni Eareckson Tada overcame her ordeal. Due to an accident early in her life, she became a quadriplegic. Now, in her sixties, she managed to live life with passion and an all-consuming purpose to help others overcome their own handicap. She is a fighter and her unyielding and indefatigable spirit overcame all that life throws at her. Personally, meeting suffering on God’s terms means to rely on God for your daily sustenance. Instead of seeing troubles with our own eyes and expecting it to end in our time, we put our trust in Him and walk apace with his divine will and plan. Joni put her hope in God and was able to proclaim these words, “Our hope is for the Desire of the nations. Our hope is the Healer of broken hearts, the Friend of sinners, the God of all encouragement, the Father of all comfort, the Lord of all hope. And it is my prayer that the eyes of your heart might be enlightened so that you might know this hope to which he has called you.”

Lastly, beloved, please do not try to understand your pain with your mind. You cannot rationalize why this and that happened to you and get an answer that would satisfy you intellectually. Job’s friends offer many seemingly logical explanations for his plight and it got Job no way near to full comprehension of his lost and pain. In fact, for most of our trials, there are no apparent answers and that’s the way it is going to be, whether we like it or not. It is ultimately your heart that God wants to minister - not with answers that your mind so seek – but with the conviction that He is bigger than your trial. Your hope should therefore be in the ability of God to deliver you and not on the intensity or ferocity of your trial. When your heart is open to God’s full plethora of creative powers, you will then be at peace, resting on the knowledge that God is indeed in purposive control. Even in the eye of a storm, you can rest assured that you are in good hands. At this point, a graffiti found on the wall of a basement in Kuln, Germany, comes to mind, “I believe in the sun even when it isn’t shining. I believe in love even when I am alone. I believe in God even when He is silent.”

Let me end with a worthy quote describing the uniqueness of our God only Pastor John Piper can so deftly capture.

“God is holy in His absolute uniqueness. Everything else belongs to a class. We are human; Rover is a dog; the oak is a tree; Earth is a planet; the Milky Way is one of a billion galaxies; Gabriel is an angel; Satan is a demon. But only God is God. And therefore He is holy, utterly different, distinct, unique. All else is creation. He alone creates. All else begins. He alone always was. All else depends. He alone is self-sufficient. And therefore the holiness of God is synonymous with His infinite value. His glory is the shining forth of His holiness. His holiness is His intrinsic worth – an utterly unique excellence.”

(This quote and many others can be found in the Book, Suffering and the Sovereignty of God, whose general editors are John Piper and Justin Taylor)

Dear Cell, I write to you to let you know that this Saturday afternoon, I will be counseling a couple about their marriage. They are on the verge of a break up. They cannot stand each other. They have been living in separate rooms for some time now. They have a son who is only three years old. But they wanted me to talk to them because they wanted a last shot in their relationship. As for me, I really hope to make a difference, however small. I hope to plant some good seeds. I hope to nurture and grow these seeds in the right direction. Here are my seeds in a memorable acronym we are all so familiar with “L-O-V-E”

“L” stands for “Let’s be friends.” I realize that compare to marriage on the rocks, friendship somehow lasts longer; it is more enduring. Friends can usually talk through the night. They can share anything under the sun. Generally, they are inseparable and every meeting always starts with hugs and ends with kisses or, in our local Asian context, well-wishing. So, I intend to tell this couple to forget about being husband and wife. Forget that they were once registered to be married. Forget about the wedding dinner, the well-adorned guests, the yam-seng toasts, or the honeymoon night. And forget about counting the ang- pows. “Let’s be friends” is the theme for them. Of course, friendships are not always smooth sailing but at the very least, they are always close. This is what the couple needs. They need to be close. They need to stay emotionally connected or engaged.

The first sign of an estranged marriage is when a couple becomes apathetic or disinterested about the welfare of the other. Friends always want to know how the other is doing. They express sincere interest in their affairs. So, I want this couple to put aside their matrimony garb and put on the friendship band. My purpose for suggesting this is to distract the couple. Because their relationship is so acrimonious, and this acrimony is a result of living together as husband and wife, they need to see things afresh and start on a new page as friends. This will invariably bring back fond memories. All of us, as married couples, starts our courtship as friends. Whether it is a blind-date, arranged match or a sudden realization that you are in love, we cannot forget those times when we were really good friends and sharing every waking (and even dreaming) moments with each other.

During those times, the world literally melts away, leaving the couple all alone against a background of shooting stars and falling comets. So, I am suggesting a mind-set change. I will tell the couple to take a walk down friendship lane. To think about the good times. To think about what made them the envy of their friends when they were so hopelessly and helplessly in love with each other. I hope this advice will help to thaw the past hurts, assuage the anger and restore some dignity in their relationship.

“O” stands for “Over means Over”. No, this is not about ending the marriage. This is about healing the emotional scars and wounds over the years. I believe the couple came to me because they were really hurt by what the other spouse has done. In actions or deeds, both must have felt deeply aggrieved and disappointed. Some may even be seething with unresolved anger and want a pound of flesh from the other. But the status quo cannot continue in this combative mode. Forgiveness is the only way to turn things around. And forgiveness is an act of will – for couples, it is an act of critical will. This is a time, a crucial time, for committing to a change.

A marriage expert once wrote that there are four final stages that signal the death knell of a marriage. They are as follows:-

1) You see your marital problem as severe

2) Talking things over seems useless. You try to solve the problems on your own.

3) You start leading parallel lives.

4) Loneliness sets in.

The last stage is the worst stage. When one spouse is lonely, he or she is most vulnerable, most suggestive, most combustive. This is why it is so important to arrest the problem by dealing with it rather than shelving it aside. We all know that the opposite of love is not hate, it is apathy. When couples lead parallel lives, or parallel realities, with neither reality ever meeting, then the marriage has effectively gone pariah (exile). If this continues, a separation or a divorce is just a matter of time. In fact, 80% of divorced men and women said their marriage broke up because they gradually grew apart and lost a sense of closeness.

Therefore I will tell the couple to deal with the core issues and make individual changes in their lives accordingly. I believe that most breakups are caused by distrust. The culprit is always that old devil call suspicion. It always starts with some action or words that give rise to suspicion. I have dealt with many divorces and there are some cases where the husband had committed adultery. But what is surprising is that it is not the adultery per se that destroy the marriage. Many couples I know have survived and thrived after a deep betrayal of the heart. You see, a marriage can survive adultery but it cannot survive distrust and suspicion. Another cousin of suspicion is paranoia.

So, saying sorry to a marital slip of infidelity and meaning it is the first step. The crucial step is to forgive and thereafter, to live the marriage forward and not backward. This goes back to my advice to the couple this afternoon, “Over means Over”. Indeed, they must never look back. This will of course take time, usually 9 months. But I will warn the couple not to take too long or drag their feet about it. As humans, our emotional scars and hurts take time to heal. But every step must be a step forward and not backwards.

“Over means Over” means that we acknowledge that the pain and hurt are real. But they are not terminal. As long as the couple makes a consistent commitment to turn away from their ugly past and move forward, the marriage can be saved. In the case of adultery, the repentant spouse must strive to restore and build trust. In other words, the spouse must make it his or her personal mission to win back trust. As for the victim, she or he must forgive.

And forgiveness means to take out the sting of past hurts and disappointment. It will be inevitable for the victim to reminisce about the past and feel the pain of that betrayal. But as time goes by, and if he or she makes an effort to save the marriage, the pain or sting of the past memories will no longer paralyze or sabotage his or her martial resolve to build up their relationship. In the end, such consistent and sincere efforts to restore trust will be rewarded with a durable, resilient and happy marriage.

V stands for “Value conflicts, Value growth”. This is where I tell the couple to embrace conflicts. I know this sounds counterintuitive. But who has ever seen a perfect couple with perfect love and a perfect marriage? Let’s be honest. Conflict will be as much a part of our marriage as our in-laws (please don’t read this negatively). When two lives come together, expect differences of opinions, attitude and actions. These differences can either grow us as a couple or train wreck us. Remember it is not the arguments that destroy the relationship; it is how we end it that counts. Couples of long marriages usually end their arguments with greater understanding of each other. Somehow, they are content to know that they have differences and they do not let such differences take root in their hearts and allow them to grow into contempt.

If you juxtaposition two couples together and observe their dialogue, you can detect contempt like a rat can smoke out garbage. If you notice one couple talking about the other person’s faults or flaws and still be able to laugh about it, which may also include mutual teasing, then you know that they are generally a mature couple with strong marital fundamentals. It is not that they are perfect and that they do not argue. It is because they are able to resolve their differences with mutual respect and empathy that distinguish them from a couple who nitpicks on the other person’s faults and say, “oh, he’ll never change,” “she’s like that, hopeless,” “he makes me sick,” or “she is so wrong for me.” Such couple has already conditioned their heart to begrudge with contempt and everything that the other spouse does is always viewed with suspicion and distrust.

I will tell the couple this afternoon that when they argue in the future, and they inevitably will, they should not be obsessed with being right. This is hard to do. We men are obsessed with facts. We see issues, not person. We deal with black and white and not feelings. So, for us, the argument is resolved in full when the records are set straight, when the faults are assigned and the wrongs are righted. But women don’t work that way. They want a listening ear. They want understanding first before solution and we men usually don’t spend the time understanding; we spend more time dispensing. Therefore, I would suggest that we men polish up on being more emotionally intelligent and sensitive to our wives.

So, being right is not a must in a relationship because there is no such thing in the first place. In a heated argument, the blame is generally shared or apportioned. No partner is all right and the other all wrong. I believe an argument takes two to fan the flame. One-way fanning can never set the argument ablaze. So, both are equally guilty. There is thus no point in being obsessed with being right. In the middle of an argument, each of us should look at our own mirror and see where we went wrong and deal with it on the spot. Turn the spotlight on our thoughts and actions and pause for reflection. A sure argument-stopper, and possibly killer, is to pause and self-reflect. One author wrote, “If your heart rate exceeds 100 beats per minute you won’t be able to hear what your spouse is trying to tell you no matter how hard you try. Take twenty-minute break before continuing.”

In the end, what I am suggesting is; don’t go into an argument to change the other person’s mind; change yours first and you will see the change in the other’s, almost magically. Another way of putting it is; she will not change her mind if changing it changes nothing of yours. So, take personal responsibility and make the right choices by starting them on yourself and you will see how your marriage can grow stronger even in the midst of continual arguments.

E stands for “Ending each day with passion and starting it with discovery.” I believe that it takes a lifetime to know your spouse. She or he is put on earth for you to discover or uncover. This sounds too mushy for some. But this is a surefire way to sustain a long and meaningful marriage. I believe that true romance is not so much in the dating, the candle light dinner or the well-wrapped gift. It is in discovering a side of your partner that you didn’t know before. It can be some physical quirks, some talents she or he possesses or his or her aspiration and dreams shared. Whether a marriage is colorless or rainbow-full will depend on how much a couple shares his or her deepest goals, hopes and convictions with the other and, in turn, how much the other partner contributes to fulfilling them.

A marriage is indeed a partnership of mutually-satisfying and individually-enhancing aspirations. When I meet the couple this afternoon, I will tell them that it is their responsibility to nurture a home environment whereby they are free to share honestly about their dreams, ambitions and passion. At this level, it is not just about connecting emotionally or even mentally. It is a connection of a deeper level, a connection of two spirits into one.

An apt ending would be to borrow these words from an author, “Marriage isn’t just about raising kids, splitting chores, and making love. It can also have a spiritual dimension that has to do with creating an inner life together – a culture rich with symbols and rituals, and an appreciation for your roles and goals that link you, that lead you to understand what it means to be a part of the family you have become.” Once the spiritual connection is made, once the souls are intertwined, the couple cannot help but to end each day with passion, love and hope.

The poem below was prepared for a wedding and I think the words are relevant to us as married couples and I dedicate it to all:-

“Draw upon God’s love to sustain your love for each other.

Let His love be like the morning sun that shines on everything in your life and makes all things clearer and beautiful.

This day is not the end of your committed love; don’t rest on your laurels.

This day is just the beginning of a wonderful love story,

With pages filled with what a love story would have –

Romance, communication, arguments, misunderstanding, reconciliation and intimacy.

End each of your marital days with these words, “I love you more.”

And start each day with these words, “I want to understand you more.’
Know that love is action, committed action – it cannot be anything else.

It cannot be feelings for it will not always be there.

It cannot be excitement; at least not all the time.

It cannot be diamonds and rings, pearls and things. Their values fluctuate.

Love is simply love. It costs little to love, but once lost, it can cost everything.

Don’t take each other for granted.

Don’t imagine for a moment that she doesn’t need hugs, kisses and physical touch.

Don’t imagine for a moment that he doesn’t need affirmation, support and understanding.

When two lives come together to live for the rest of their lives on earth, it is the greatest and, at the same time, the toughest commitment of all.

Trust me: You make it in your relationship, you make it anywhere.

Because love is the source of life.

Because love breathes meaning to all your pursuits.

Your material success is dry without love.

Your fame is hollow without love.

Your power is unsatisfying without love.

Finally, let God’s love be your motivation. Let it be your encouragement.

Live your life for a reason.

And the reason is to love unconditionally and give unreservedly even at the risk of being hurt because to so do, is to truly understand what it means to say, “We are created in His Image.”

And the greatest love is the love that goes all the way to Calvary, without question, without gain, without return.

God bless your love.

God bless your marriage.”

Ps: Remember, working briefly on your marriage every day will do more for your health and longevity than working out at a health club – John Gottman and Nan Silver, authors of The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work.