Last Friday’s cell was all about parenting. Recently I read a book called The Council of Dads by Bruce Feiler. You may know him as the author of Walking the Bible where he took about ten years to retrace the Bible through the war zones of the Middle East. Bruce was a father of a pair of young twin daughters, Eden and Tybee. In 2008, he learned that he had “a seven-inch cancerous tumor” in his left femur. At that moment, Bruce felt completely lost and he was extremely fearful of his future as a husband and a father. As the fragility of his own mortality stared unflinchingly in his face, he came up with a novel idea called the Council of Dads for his twin daughters. He basically wanted a father-figure to be around his daughters, to give them timely advice, to sit in his place to counsel them, to help them in times of need, and to show them all the good things in this world that he is unable to do so himself.
In a touching letter to six of his friends, whom he had elected to form the council, Bruce wrote these words, “A few days later, I woke up suddenly before dawn and thought of a way I might help recreate my voice for them. I started making a list of six men – from all parts of my life, beginning with when I was a child and stretching through today. These are men who know me best. The men who share my values. The men who helped shape and guide me. The men who traveled with me, studied with me, have been through the pain and happiness with me. Men who know my voice.”
The letters were sent to these six men with this heart-felt invitation, “Will you help be their dad? Will you listen in on them? Will you answer their questions? Will you take them out to lunch every now and then? Will you go to a soccer game if you’re in town? Will you watch their ballet moves for the umpteenth time? When they get older, will you indulge them in a new pair of shoes? Or buy them a new cell phone, or some other gadget I can’t even imagine right now? Will you give them advice? Will you be tough as I would be? Will you help them out in a crisis? And as time passes, will you invite them to a family gathering on occasion? Will you introduce them to somebody who might help one of their dreams come true? Will you tell them what I would be thinking? Will you tell them how proud I would be?...Will you be my voice?”
The first dad was Jeff Shumlin. He was to be his daughters’ life coach and to teach them how to travel. Jeff believed in growth through a sense of community. He was to be his voice of risk taking, to travel to unknown places, to be wholly immersed in a foreign culture, and to go off the beaten track. In other words, uncle Jeff was to be the girls’ tour guide, a world navigator, and a fun organizer, all rolled into one.
The second dad was Max Stier. When Max was asked to be in the council of dads, his gladly agreed and replied, “I would start by saying how much you loved them. How I watched you blossom by having children. How good a dad you were. The most important thing a parent can do, I believe, is water a child profusely with love. I would water your children with love.” Whoa, what a powerful analogy! This is indeed the epitome of a parent’s love: to water their children with love, unconditional love.
The third dad was David Black. David was Bruce’s literary agent and he was instrumental in helping Bruce publish his books. So, you can say that David was a “broker of dreams”, someone who spurred Bruce on when he was discouraged and invigorated him with hope and purpose when he found none. Bruce wanted the same inspirational coach for his twins - someone who would instill a sense of vision and hope in his daughters and prod them on to take up one dream after another and own them. When Bruce asked David, “What he learned from all these years as a curator of dreams. What’s the most important gift you can give to a dreamer?” He answered, “The belief in their ability to succeed…Because when you believe in them, you give them the strength to believe in themselves.”
The fourth dad was Ben Edwards, a bone radiologist. In his own words, Bruce spelt out the reason he chose Ben, “And these are the qualities I wanted Ben to impart to my girls. He would convey the importance of being from a place. How you carry that place with you wherever you go. How you keep coming back to it time and again no matter how long you live…” Bruce imagined that Ben would softly whisper to his girls these words, “This is where your daddy came from…This is where you come from, too.” In other words, Ben would teach his twins how to remember their roots, their historical birthmark.
The fifth dad was another Ben, by the name of Ben Sherwood. Bruce wanted someone like Ben to teach his daughter how to question everything and not to take things on its face-value. In this regards, Ben fulfilled this role perfectly. Ben’s fierce inquisitorial style was a cut off the old block, that is, he takes after his own father. In the book, Ben describes his own father in these words, “He was focused on family…Dad’s parenting style was to be present as much as possible, given the demands of his life. That meant he was here for breakfast and dinner, during which time it was expected that we would have a serious conversation about the world. My dad had a voracious curiosity. He ran a famous clipping service in which he dispatched yellow envelopes from his law firm with articles on some obscure topic from some esoteric publication, pertinent to someone’s work or family. We all got them. In college I had stacks of unopened envelopes because I just couldn’t keep up!”
Bruce believed that under the wise guidance of Ben, his daughters would learn to see the deeper side of things. They would be less gullible and impressionable in this world of the proverbial foxes and wolves. They would see the hidden motives and agendas, the superficial and the insubstantial. In his own words, Bruce wrote, “Though Ben was one of the first dads on my list, he was about to become one of the last to know. The reason: Ben is the friend who questions. He challenges assumptions and picks apart flaws…Ben is the inquisitor. He’s the drill sergeant making sure every decision is thought through and every emotion pure. Push it! Push it! Just one more round. No pain, no gain!”
The last dad on Bruce’s list was Joshua Ramo. I guess this last choice was the easiest because Joshua was with him throughout his illness, his fight against the cancer, the pain and the sufferings, and the dreaded after-effects of the chemotherapy. In one passage of the book, Bruce wrote, “Then I got sick, and overnight Joshua became a fixture in our lives, a monthly comet and comforting compatriot. It was during those months that I discovered a new side of him – a side that reminded me of, well, me.”
Further in the book, there is an interesting exchange between Bruce and Joshua based on future contingencies of his daughters and this exchange is best extracted wholesale for your digest.
“If the girls came to you and asked what it was like during this year, what would you tell them?” Bruce asked Joshua.
His reply came swiftly, “I would tell them I saw a man who had lived his life in such a way that when he was confronted with the worst possible thing that can face a man, he was able to face it with no regrets. Think of how few people can say that. I’ve been with other people who are struggling through potentially terminal disease. I know what that looks like. You didn’t look like that. And the reason, I think, is that you know who you are. You have a clear sense of internal navigation.”
And the exchange continued, “So, how do you teach someone that? If my girls asked you for help in discovering themselves, what would you do?”
“Ah, that’s easy, I believe the best teacher is beauty. I’ll teach them to memorize Auden poems and Shakespeare sonnets so that wherever they are at any given moment in the world, they can just sit under a tree and have Auden or Shakespeare or whomever as their companion for an afternoon. I’ll give them the sound of Mahler symphonies that they can hear again and again and that will always trigger similar emotions. I’ll show them how to appreciate Chinese calligraphy, which is an expression of your internal energy. If you have any doubt in your heart, it shows up in the brushstroke.”
In one of the poignant passages, Joshua concluded, “What I want Eden and Tybee to know is how easy it is to see beauty. How the wonder they felt on that plane never has to leave them. Miracles are all around them. They just have to learn to see through the clouds, and go out and harvest those miracles themselves. And, of course, I’d want them to know that this way of seeing never left you (Bruce), even when you were sick. And it’s how all of us who love them want them to see the world, too.”
Dear cell, I brought this story up about Bruce’s struggle over cancer and his very whimsical but beautiful future plan for his daughters when he is gone to show an important lesson that all of us, as parents, can learn in our living years. And the lesson is this: What legacy do we want to leave for our children? Or what life’s lessons do we want our children to learn from us?
At yesterday’s cell, we started off with Proverbs 22:6, “Train up a child in the way he should go, and even when he is old he will not depart from it.” The operative word here is “train up”. The Bible did not tell us to teach them, implying a teacher-and-student relationship. Neither did the Bible tell us to lecture or command our children, implying an authority-based, hierarchical relationship. It deliberately uses the word “train up”. Training is a long drawn out process involving disciplining and apprenticeship. It also implies an intimate relationship between the trainer and his or her trainees. It calls for leading by example, mentoring by applying the right principles, and giving the trainees enough room to develop their own strengths and talents.
Parenting I guess is no different from this process of training. Like a shepherd leading his flock of sheep, gently prodding them along the narrow pathway and away from the falling cliffs and perilous edges, we parents perform a sacred and indispensable role of guiding our children on the right track, setting an example for them to emulate, and always being there for them when they need a shoulder to cry on. Although our job can at times be arduous and exhausting, it is the most rewarding job in this world.
But are we up to the challenge? Can we make a difference in the lives of our children, impacting them in a positive way so that they can do the same for their own children? What can our children learn from us as their parents that will remain with them for the rest of their lives?
Of course, we want the best for our children. Expecting them to embody virtues like respecting others, honesty, a sense of fairness, a good measure of responsibility, compassion and passion for just causes, having faith and hope at all times, and becoming successful in their own way without losing sight of what’s truly matters. To achieve all of that within a short parental duration of 16 years before our children matures to become independent young adults is a job that is equal to, if not more challenging than, the task of running a whole nation.
The Bible in Deuteronomy 6:7 tells us to teach our children well. But I believe that to do just that we have to be well trained ourselves. Have we embodied those qualities that we want our children to embody? It is said that kids are more inclined to believe God’s truth and embrace it when they have seen it embodied in a changed life. So, we as parents have to lead in our home by example. A Chasidic saying expresses the same sentiment, “I did not go to the Master to learn sacred scripture, but to watch him tie his shoes.” Are we “tying our shoe laces right”?
In their lives, our children will be exposed to all kinds of influences. They will be swayed by their peers, pressured by their teachers, and even manipulated by the media. The question here is this: Whose influence would be the strongest and longest lasting, yours or the rest? I once overheard a conversation between a father and his college son. His father asked him who he wanted to be after he graduates. The answer came as a pleasant surprise to the father. The son replied, “I want to be like you.” Honestly, if my son had given me the same reply, I’d know that I must have done something right over the years as his devoted father.
I guess we as parents are still maturing in our own ways, learning from our past mistakes and sometimes making the same mistakes ourselves. It is inevitable that we will fall and fail and disappoint our spouse and our children. The road to parenthood will never end until we heave our last breath. It is a “from-their-cradle-to-our-grave” kind of job.
So, I think the legacy that we want to leave for our children is to train them to turn their eyes upon Jesus, to follow His example and teachings, and to seek His counsel when trials come their way. This is the best legacy a Christian parent can give to his child. And, as best as possible, it is our hope as parents that in this long, rewarding journey of parenthood, we will, on most occasions, reflect the likeness of Christ in our speech, conduct and thoughts. In other words, let us ensure that our shoe laces are properly tied before we go about teaching our children to tie theirs.
Have a meaningful weekend.
Saturday, July 24, 2010
Saturday, July 17, 2010
Friday's Recap (160710)
Last Friday’s cell discussion was about temptation. We all face it. The lust for sex and power, the desperate cravings for intimacy, the allure of becoming rich and successful, and the addiction to perfectionism. No man and woman on earth are exempted from the magnetic field of temptation. Most succumb to temptation and fall into sin. Others are continually tempted but resisted it bravely. The question is this, why is Jesus so successful in dealing with temptation and we fail at it so miserably sometimes? I think the answer to that can be unearthed from this quote from theologian D.A. Carson, “The sad fact is that many people dwell on dirt without grasping that it is dirt. The wise Christian will see plenty of dirt in the world, but will recognize it as dirt, precisely because everything that is clean has captured his or her mind.”
Beloved, what has captured our mind? For Jesus, it was Calvary. How about us? Is it lust? Money? Success? Perfectionism?
At yesterday’s cell, we define temptation as pure desires becoming un-pure or warped appetites of man. All of us have desires. I dare say that they are God-given. Name any of the desires that we have and I can tell you that you need them to a certain extent. We are created to satisfy these desires. God is pleased when we set aside time to satisfy these desires. Imagine for a moment that we are asexual or non-sexual. This world wouldn’t get populated as God had commanded. How about the desire for pleasure? Imagine a life without pleasure; where nothing brings you joy, satisfaction and delight. Life would really be flat, dull and uninspiring. King Solomon wrote in Ecclesiastes 8:15, “I commend the enjoyment of life.” So, go out there and spread your wings. Enjoy your life, take up a hobby, go for a holiday, and relax a little. You deserve it. God recommends it. You are better for it.
Then, there is the desire for food. This is definitely a must-have desire at its purest form. Without food, the obvious alternative is starvation and death. But too much of it, we end up with obesity and death. The key word here is to take your food with self-control and in moderation.
How about work? We all have the desire to work. Some of us have more of it and others have less of it. At one extreme, there are the vagabonds or mendicant (beggars), who have no such desires for an honest day’s work. At the other extreme, there are the workaholics or perfectionists, who are so obsessed with work that they neglect everything that matters in their life.
Lastly, there is the desire for knowledge and wisdom. The two can be distinguished as such: Knowledge is to know how to do it and wisdom is to know whether one even ought to do it. So, wisdom is the superior desire of the two. But what if we have too much of it. What if we think too much of ourselves? What if we are full of it?
Well, we become arrogant, and sometimes obnoxiously arrogant, of course. It is said that the cravings for power caused the angels to fall and the lust for knowledge caused man to fall. Ecclesiastes 7:16 lays it down well, “Do not be over-righteous, neither be over wise.” Honestly, I have a weak spot for the desire for knowledge. I read quite a fair bit and I am slavishly driven by curiosity. A trip to the library or book shop never fails to give me a pedantic high. But I realized that without putting what I have learned into practice is not the acquisition of wisdom. In fact, it is the retardation of it. It is like filling a leaking cup with water. In the end, no matter how much you pour into it, the cup remains empty. Well, I can replace the cup with a bigger cup, but it makes no difference if it is still leaking with holes at the bottom. It will never get filled to the brim.
So, let’s return to our subject on temptation. I believe that these desires make us human. A philosopher and humanitarian Jean Vanier once said, “We cannot grow spiritually if we ignore our humanness, just as we cannot become fully human if we ignore spirituality.” Like water and air, our desires make us humans, keep us alive and inspire us to succeed in life. But when our desires become un-pure, when we pervert it or go to the extreme with it, we enter dangerous or perilous terrains. Take marriage for example. God ordains it. Institutions honor it. And husbands are supposed to protect it. But sexual perversion can destroy it. When husbands (or wives) stop investing in their marriage, cease giving it any attention, and start looking for prettier alternatives, the marriage will inevitably fail. I have read about a pastor who was living in an adulterous relationship with his church secretary on the lamest reason that his aged wife has lost interest in sex.
How about pleasures? Pleasures can be perverted as well. We derive pleasure from sex within a marriage. But when it is done outside of marriage, it is sin. We may enjoy working. But when we are obsessed with it, it becomes a bondage.
At yesterday’s cell, I shared about the real life account of a 42-year-old computer expert named Armin Meiwes. In 2003, he went online looking for someone to kill and eat. He interviewed many who actually answered to the online ad. Altogether, there were about two hundred men who responded to this perverted desire! Out of the many men who craved to be killed and eaten, one by the name of Bernd Brandes was interviewed and shortlisted. That fateful meeting between two very perverted souls ended up with Brandes’ penis being cut up to be served for dinner, fried in olive oil. The two men then tried unsuccessfully to eat it. Later, as Armin was taking a break reading a Star Trek novel, Brandes was soaking in the bathtub bleeding to death. A few hours later, Armin went to the bathtub, kissed his lover goodbye, and stabbed him to death. After that, he chopped Brandes to pieces, packed it up and neatly arranged the body parts in the freezer, next to some pizza. In the next few weeks that followed, Armin was to slowly and pleasurably devour 44 pounds of his lover in olive oil and fried garlic. Every meal was carefully designed for the maximum twisted pleasure. He took the trouble to use the best cutlery and set the ambience for the meal by lighting some candles and then swallowed the medium raw meat with a sip of South African red wine. How perverted is that!
I think it is very appropriate here to purge this disgusting account from our mind with this purifying scripture: “To the pure, all things are pure, but to those who are corrupted and do not believe, nothing is pure. In fact, both their minds and consciences are corrupted.” (Titus 1:15).
Beloved, do not underestimate the power of temptation. You can ask an alcoholic and he can tell you the power of a drink, which at first may seen outwardly harmless. The temptation here is a systematic addiction and it goes something like this: At first, the man takes a drink. Then, the drink takes the drink. Finally, the drink takes the man.
We cannot live an authentic Christian life without overcoming temptation. As Christians, we are empowered by God’s spirit to subject our mind in captivity to His word, transform it towards holiness, and exercise self-control and be alert at all times lest temptation enters through our mental backdoor. The Bible admonishes us to submit to God and resist the devil and he will flee from us (James 4:7). These are powerful words that are utterly meaningless to a believer if he is a leaking vessel, punctuated by many worldly holes.
If an interview were to be conducted to identify authentic Christians from fake ones, the most appropriate question to be asked is this (assuming it could be answered with all honesty): How serious are you about following Christ? If the same question is asked of you, what will be your answer?
It is said that all the powers in this world could not stop a man whose mind is made up. Have you made up your mind about following Christ? Are you serious about overcoming that secret sin? If you have, and are prepared to renew your mind everyday for God, you are definitely a force to be reckoned with. Even though you may be tempted by the many seductions of this world, you will be able to overcome it because “to the pure, all things are pure” and “everything that is clean has captured his or her mind.”
Before I end this letter, let me take a brief moment to warn you of the following mindsets that can control and corrupt you (adapted from the book Steering Clear by Earl Wilson).
MINIMIZATION / RELABELLING. This is a mindset that masquerades or trivializes sin. Because we do not want to face the consequences of our sins, we make it flippant, we dismiss it, and we re-label it. We do not call sin sin. We call it by another name, a less wicked name or a more acceptable name - a euphemism of convenience. Maybe, sexual thoughts are re-labeled as momentary derailment. The lust for money is called noble ambition. And flirting is called flashing your manhood. However, you re-label it, a sin is still a sin. It works like a cord that slowly and systematically strangles your spiritual life and faith in the end. Remember, you are either a victim of or victor over temptation; you can’t be both in the same way that you cannot serve two masters.
RATIONALIZATION. Forget about rationalizing with the devil. He is no gentleman and you will do much better to just ignore him wholesale, completely. You cannot bargain with the devil and come up tops. Stop telling yourself that maybe God doesn’t mind that you take a break from your marriage to flirt with your female colleague or invite her for a harmless lunch or dinner. Hebrews 13:4 has already made it clear about the sanctity of your marriage with this warning, “Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.”
DENIAL. This is a very broad-brushed mindset where we close our eyes completely to sin and jump into it as if it matters little to God and our loved ones. Denying the consequences of sin does not make it go away. Only through true repentance can we be set free from the clutches of sin to live a life pleasing to God. Here are some common denying pick-up lines as your early warning signs: It didn’t happen; if it happen, people shouldn’t be hurt; I didn’t do it; I didn’t mean to do it; it only happened once; it’s not really my fault; I didn’t hurt anyone but myself; I don’t know why everyone has to make such a big deal about this; I’ve stopped doing it, so it’s no big deal. Do not deceive yourself any longer. It is said that the one lie that cannot be detected is the lies you feed yourself over time. So, let the truth set you free because only in truth can your lies unravel and loosen its stranglehold on you. Indeed, it is said that many marriages are strong enough to handle truth (however ugly they may be); but few are strong enough to handle continued lies.
JUSTIFICATION. Stop trying to justify sin. Stop telling yourself that God would understand why you had to sin. Stop telling yourself that you could not help it because it just happened or she happened to be more caring than your wife. Stop repeating to yourself that your wife does not understand you or your needs. Remember that you are responsible for your own actions and thoughts. You control the cerebral arena of your mind and you are its gatekeeper. Lust and corruption cannot enter your mind without your permission and you are therefore accountable to God for your actions.
ENTITLEMENT. Many people indulge in sin because they feel that they are entitled to some personal timeouts for being a good provider of a husband, a hardworking employee or a long-service award Christian. Remember goodness is its own reward. Unless you are seeking self-pleasure or self-significance, seeking holiness and being good are virtues that lead to happiness and success. They are basically self-rewarding. A good husband will receive the respect and love of his wife and children. A good worker will be rewarded by his boss. A self-sacrificing Christian will receive peace and joy from God. So, don’t look for false entitlements which will manipulate you to sin. Beware of these mental traps of entitlement: No one appreciates me; I’ve been so good; I’m not as bad as most husband are; I’ve done so much for God; My wife doesn’t really like sex much; I lead such a sheltered life; I’ve been pure all these years; I need something to lift my spirits; God intended that I enjoy life. By entertaining these thoughts of self-entitlement, you are slowly and insidiously giving yourself permission to go down the slippery slope of moral failure.
SECRET FANTASY. I think one of the most courageous men I know are those who dare to stare reality in the eyeball and confront all the challenges that it throw at them. These are men who will make their marriage work despite all its imperfections. They are basically promise-keepers who will stick by their wife literally through thick and thin. They are trustworthy employees who are disciplined and focused and get the job done. They are truly redeemed Christians who talk the talk and walk the walk. So, please extract your head out of fantasy land and face the realities that you have built through the life-choices you have made.
Your mental fantasy can come in many LED flat-screened plasma forms. It could be thoughts about how nice if you had married your secretary instead of your current wife. It could be dreams of becoming so rich that your enemies would rot in envy of you. It could be in the form of avoiding all consequences of your actions by escaping to temptation island characterized by over-indulgence, depravity and debauchery. Nowadays, with the internet and the web, your fantasy can be in the form of an avatar running wild in a godless virtual world of heightened stimulation and escapism. Indeed, your route to escape to a self-styled fantasy world where you are almost god-like is boundary-less.
I know of no better way to debunk our fantasy than to starve it for good. And to starve it requires us to carry out what I call a mental spring cleaning with a trusted and powerful detergent found in Philippians 4:8-9, “Brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable – if anything is excellent or praiseworthy – think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me – put it into practice. And the God of peace with be with you.”
Let me end here. Earlier I raised this question: why is Jesus so successful in dealing with temptation and we fail at it so miserably sometimes? Well, now I can give a fuller answer to it. Jesus’ secret to overcoming temptation is awfully simple. It is encapsulated in John 5:30, “I seek not to please myself but him who sent me.”
If there is a bridge that lies between our God-given desires and its perversion, it is the desire to please ourselves. Narcissism or self-love always leads us astray. But pleasing God brings us to the opposite direction. For it is written in Psalms 37:4, “Delight yourself in the Lord and he will grant you the desires of your heart”. Another scripture that expresses the same unmistakable sentiment is in Ecclesiastes 2:24-26, “A man can do nothing better than to eat and drink and find satisfaction in his work. This too, I see, is from the hand of God, for without him, who can eat or find enjoyment? To the man, who pleases him, God gives wisdom, knowledge and happiness, but to the sinner he gives the task of gathering and storing wealth to hand it over to the one who pleases God.” Now, that’s poetic justice designed specially for you!
Have a victorious week ahead.
Beloved, what has captured our mind? For Jesus, it was Calvary. How about us? Is it lust? Money? Success? Perfectionism?
At yesterday’s cell, we define temptation as pure desires becoming un-pure or warped appetites of man. All of us have desires. I dare say that they are God-given. Name any of the desires that we have and I can tell you that you need them to a certain extent. We are created to satisfy these desires. God is pleased when we set aside time to satisfy these desires. Imagine for a moment that we are asexual or non-sexual. This world wouldn’t get populated as God had commanded. How about the desire for pleasure? Imagine a life without pleasure; where nothing brings you joy, satisfaction and delight. Life would really be flat, dull and uninspiring. King Solomon wrote in Ecclesiastes 8:15, “I commend the enjoyment of life.” So, go out there and spread your wings. Enjoy your life, take up a hobby, go for a holiday, and relax a little. You deserve it. God recommends it. You are better for it.
Then, there is the desire for food. This is definitely a must-have desire at its purest form. Without food, the obvious alternative is starvation and death. But too much of it, we end up with obesity and death. The key word here is to take your food with self-control and in moderation.
How about work? We all have the desire to work. Some of us have more of it and others have less of it. At one extreme, there are the vagabonds or mendicant (beggars), who have no such desires for an honest day’s work. At the other extreme, there are the workaholics or perfectionists, who are so obsessed with work that they neglect everything that matters in their life.
Lastly, there is the desire for knowledge and wisdom. The two can be distinguished as such: Knowledge is to know how to do it and wisdom is to know whether one even ought to do it. So, wisdom is the superior desire of the two. But what if we have too much of it. What if we think too much of ourselves? What if we are full of it?
Well, we become arrogant, and sometimes obnoxiously arrogant, of course. It is said that the cravings for power caused the angels to fall and the lust for knowledge caused man to fall. Ecclesiastes 7:16 lays it down well, “Do not be over-righteous, neither be over wise.” Honestly, I have a weak spot for the desire for knowledge. I read quite a fair bit and I am slavishly driven by curiosity. A trip to the library or book shop never fails to give me a pedantic high. But I realized that without putting what I have learned into practice is not the acquisition of wisdom. In fact, it is the retardation of it. It is like filling a leaking cup with water. In the end, no matter how much you pour into it, the cup remains empty. Well, I can replace the cup with a bigger cup, but it makes no difference if it is still leaking with holes at the bottom. It will never get filled to the brim.
So, let’s return to our subject on temptation. I believe that these desires make us human. A philosopher and humanitarian Jean Vanier once said, “We cannot grow spiritually if we ignore our humanness, just as we cannot become fully human if we ignore spirituality.” Like water and air, our desires make us humans, keep us alive and inspire us to succeed in life. But when our desires become un-pure, when we pervert it or go to the extreme with it, we enter dangerous or perilous terrains. Take marriage for example. God ordains it. Institutions honor it. And husbands are supposed to protect it. But sexual perversion can destroy it. When husbands (or wives) stop investing in their marriage, cease giving it any attention, and start looking for prettier alternatives, the marriage will inevitably fail. I have read about a pastor who was living in an adulterous relationship with his church secretary on the lamest reason that his aged wife has lost interest in sex.
How about pleasures? Pleasures can be perverted as well. We derive pleasure from sex within a marriage. But when it is done outside of marriage, it is sin. We may enjoy working. But when we are obsessed with it, it becomes a bondage.
At yesterday’s cell, I shared about the real life account of a 42-year-old computer expert named Armin Meiwes. In 2003, he went online looking for someone to kill and eat. He interviewed many who actually answered to the online ad. Altogether, there were about two hundred men who responded to this perverted desire! Out of the many men who craved to be killed and eaten, one by the name of Bernd Brandes was interviewed and shortlisted. That fateful meeting between two very perverted souls ended up with Brandes’ penis being cut up to be served for dinner, fried in olive oil. The two men then tried unsuccessfully to eat it. Later, as Armin was taking a break reading a Star Trek novel, Brandes was soaking in the bathtub bleeding to death. A few hours later, Armin went to the bathtub, kissed his lover goodbye, and stabbed him to death. After that, he chopped Brandes to pieces, packed it up and neatly arranged the body parts in the freezer, next to some pizza. In the next few weeks that followed, Armin was to slowly and pleasurably devour 44 pounds of his lover in olive oil and fried garlic. Every meal was carefully designed for the maximum twisted pleasure. He took the trouble to use the best cutlery and set the ambience for the meal by lighting some candles and then swallowed the medium raw meat with a sip of South African red wine. How perverted is that!
I think it is very appropriate here to purge this disgusting account from our mind with this purifying scripture: “To the pure, all things are pure, but to those who are corrupted and do not believe, nothing is pure. In fact, both their minds and consciences are corrupted.” (Titus 1:15).
Beloved, do not underestimate the power of temptation. You can ask an alcoholic and he can tell you the power of a drink, which at first may seen outwardly harmless. The temptation here is a systematic addiction and it goes something like this: At first, the man takes a drink. Then, the drink takes the drink. Finally, the drink takes the man.
We cannot live an authentic Christian life without overcoming temptation. As Christians, we are empowered by God’s spirit to subject our mind in captivity to His word, transform it towards holiness, and exercise self-control and be alert at all times lest temptation enters through our mental backdoor. The Bible admonishes us to submit to God and resist the devil and he will flee from us (James 4:7). These are powerful words that are utterly meaningless to a believer if he is a leaking vessel, punctuated by many worldly holes.
If an interview were to be conducted to identify authentic Christians from fake ones, the most appropriate question to be asked is this (assuming it could be answered with all honesty): How serious are you about following Christ? If the same question is asked of you, what will be your answer?
It is said that all the powers in this world could not stop a man whose mind is made up. Have you made up your mind about following Christ? Are you serious about overcoming that secret sin? If you have, and are prepared to renew your mind everyday for God, you are definitely a force to be reckoned with. Even though you may be tempted by the many seductions of this world, you will be able to overcome it because “to the pure, all things are pure” and “everything that is clean has captured his or her mind.”
Before I end this letter, let me take a brief moment to warn you of the following mindsets that can control and corrupt you (adapted from the book Steering Clear by Earl Wilson).
MINIMIZATION / RELABELLING. This is a mindset that masquerades or trivializes sin. Because we do not want to face the consequences of our sins, we make it flippant, we dismiss it, and we re-label it. We do not call sin sin. We call it by another name, a less wicked name or a more acceptable name - a euphemism of convenience. Maybe, sexual thoughts are re-labeled as momentary derailment. The lust for money is called noble ambition. And flirting is called flashing your manhood. However, you re-label it, a sin is still a sin. It works like a cord that slowly and systematically strangles your spiritual life and faith in the end. Remember, you are either a victim of or victor over temptation; you can’t be both in the same way that you cannot serve two masters.
RATIONALIZATION. Forget about rationalizing with the devil. He is no gentleman and you will do much better to just ignore him wholesale, completely. You cannot bargain with the devil and come up tops. Stop telling yourself that maybe God doesn’t mind that you take a break from your marriage to flirt with your female colleague or invite her for a harmless lunch or dinner. Hebrews 13:4 has already made it clear about the sanctity of your marriage with this warning, “Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.”
DENIAL. This is a very broad-brushed mindset where we close our eyes completely to sin and jump into it as if it matters little to God and our loved ones. Denying the consequences of sin does not make it go away. Only through true repentance can we be set free from the clutches of sin to live a life pleasing to God. Here are some common denying pick-up lines as your early warning signs: It didn’t happen; if it happen, people shouldn’t be hurt; I didn’t do it; I didn’t mean to do it; it only happened once; it’s not really my fault; I didn’t hurt anyone but myself; I don’t know why everyone has to make such a big deal about this; I’ve stopped doing it, so it’s no big deal. Do not deceive yourself any longer. It is said that the one lie that cannot be detected is the lies you feed yourself over time. So, let the truth set you free because only in truth can your lies unravel and loosen its stranglehold on you. Indeed, it is said that many marriages are strong enough to handle truth (however ugly they may be); but few are strong enough to handle continued lies.
JUSTIFICATION. Stop trying to justify sin. Stop telling yourself that God would understand why you had to sin. Stop telling yourself that you could not help it because it just happened or she happened to be more caring than your wife. Stop repeating to yourself that your wife does not understand you or your needs. Remember that you are responsible for your own actions and thoughts. You control the cerebral arena of your mind and you are its gatekeeper. Lust and corruption cannot enter your mind without your permission and you are therefore accountable to God for your actions.
ENTITLEMENT. Many people indulge in sin because they feel that they are entitled to some personal timeouts for being a good provider of a husband, a hardworking employee or a long-service award Christian. Remember goodness is its own reward. Unless you are seeking self-pleasure or self-significance, seeking holiness and being good are virtues that lead to happiness and success. They are basically self-rewarding. A good husband will receive the respect and love of his wife and children. A good worker will be rewarded by his boss. A self-sacrificing Christian will receive peace and joy from God. So, don’t look for false entitlements which will manipulate you to sin. Beware of these mental traps of entitlement: No one appreciates me; I’ve been so good; I’m not as bad as most husband are; I’ve done so much for God; My wife doesn’t really like sex much; I lead such a sheltered life; I’ve been pure all these years; I need something to lift my spirits; God intended that I enjoy life. By entertaining these thoughts of self-entitlement, you are slowly and insidiously giving yourself permission to go down the slippery slope of moral failure.
SECRET FANTASY. I think one of the most courageous men I know are those who dare to stare reality in the eyeball and confront all the challenges that it throw at them. These are men who will make their marriage work despite all its imperfections. They are basically promise-keepers who will stick by their wife literally through thick and thin. They are trustworthy employees who are disciplined and focused and get the job done. They are truly redeemed Christians who talk the talk and walk the walk. So, please extract your head out of fantasy land and face the realities that you have built through the life-choices you have made.
Your mental fantasy can come in many LED flat-screened plasma forms. It could be thoughts about how nice if you had married your secretary instead of your current wife. It could be dreams of becoming so rich that your enemies would rot in envy of you. It could be in the form of avoiding all consequences of your actions by escaping to temptation island characterized by over-indulgence, depravity and debauchery. Nowadays, with the internet and the web, your fantasy can be in the form of an avatar running wild in a godless virtual world of heightened stimulation and escapism. Indeed, your route to escape to a self-styled fantasy world where you are almost god-like is boundary-less.
I know of no better way to debunk our fantasy than to starve it for good. And to starve it requires us to carry out what I call a mental spring cleaning with a trusted and powerful detergent found in Philippians 4:8-9, “Brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable – if anything is excellent or praiseworthy – think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me – put it into practice. And the God of peace with be with you.”
Let me end here. Earlier I raised this question: why is Jesus so successful in dealing with temptation and we fail at it so miserably sometimes? Well, now I can give a fuller answer to it. Jesus’ secret to overcoming temptation is awfully simple. It is encapsulated in John 5:30, “I seek not to please myself but him who sent me.”
If there is a bridge that lies between our God-given desires and its perversion, it is the desire to please ourselves. Narcissism or self-love always leads us astray. But pleasing God brings us to the opposite direction. For it is written in Psalms 37:4, “Delight yourself in the Lord and he will grant you the desires of your heart”. Another scripture that expresses the same unmistakable sentiment is in Ecclesiastes 2:24-26, “A man can do nothing better than to eat and drink and find satisfaction in his work. This too, I see, is from the hand of God, for without him, who can eat or find enjoyment? To the man, who pleases him, God gives wisdom, knowledge and happiness, but to the sinner he gives the task of gathering and storing wealth to hand it over to the one who pleases God.” Now, that’s poetic justice designed specially for you!
Have a victorious week ahead.
Saturday, July 10, 2010
Friday's Recap (090710)
Yesterday we started off the cell group discussion with an exercise called church assessment. We listed many qualities of a church that we think are important to its long term growth and expansion. Some of the qualities are good leadership, sound theology, friendly congregation, effective discipleship program, strong evangelism, and many others. You can expect some or most of these qualities in most churches, if not all. As a member, it is easy to expect one’s church to embody those qualities as much as we expect our pastor to be exemplary in thoughts, conduct and speech. One has to bear in mind the excellent qualities expected of a church leader.
In 1 Timothy 3:2-7, the Bible demands that a pastor in general be a cut above the rest. Here is the passage for your mental digestion: “An overseer (pastor), then, must be above reproach, the husband of one wife, temperate, prudent, respectable, hospitable, able to teach, not addicted to wine, or pugnacious, but gentle, uncontentious, free from the love of money. He must be one who manages his own household well, keeping his children under control with all dignity (but if a man does not know how to manage his own household, how will he take care of the church of God?); and not a new convert, lest he become conceited and fall under the condemnation incurred by the devil. And he must have a good reputation with those outside the church, so that he may not fall into reproach and the snare of the devil.” Surely, one of the main criteria of a pastor is that of a good, loving and firm husband/father - one who is able to take care of his own household. Indeed, our faith is not just a public declaration; it is also a very private one.
Now tell me honestly, how many honest people, browsing through the classified ads, would have skipped pass a recruitment advertisement for a church leader if the qualities listed above were its prerequisites. It is indeed a high calling and it is not to be taken lightly.
While it is easy and convenient to make demands from our church leadership and expect almost perfect attributes from them, we as members must also turn the searchlight on ourselves to see whether we measure up as members. Remember that the church is an assembly of believers and its growth and expansion depend very much on its members as well as its leaders. It is a mutually reinforcing and beneficial relationship. Never underestimate the power of influence that the followers can have over their own leaders. I believe that good followers can be the byproduct of good leaders in the same way that good leaders can be a byproduct of good followers. Leaders and followers grow together and they also crash together. No leader can prosper under rebellious “followers” and vice versa. So, the focus here is on us, the members.
I believe that the union between each member and his/her church is a union no different from a marriage. The principles are equally applicable. It is a covenantal relationship. It is based on ministerial servitude and not contractual obligations where parties are made to sign on the bottom line. Members don’t expect any payment in return for their weekly services because, unlike a contract, the reward is not material or immediate. Neither do pastors get extra remuneration for visiting a member after office hours to counsel and pray over him or her. The sacrifices that members and their leaders make are premised upon a higher principle of selfless devotion in the replica of our heavenly model, Jesus. As such, we do not talk about lawsuits when its members fail in their service in church. In a contract, such failings would be deemed as a performance breach and the party in breach would be liable for its consequent damages to the innocent party. In the context of a church, a performance lapse or moral failure on the part of a member is usually forgiven or sometimes overlooked.
This union is special, and transcendent, because it is God-ordained. We are all one body of Christ, leaders and members alike. In Romans 12:5, it is written, “So, we who are many, are one body in Christ, and individually members one of another.” Although our actions are individualized, our purpose is unity-focused and driven by divine fiat in lockstep with the instructions of the Bible and the teachings of Christ. As such, Christianity is centered on people-relations and its work is people-transformation. We cannot practise Christianity in the privacy of our own home - carrying out a Sunday service of one. We cannot reject the Church and, at the same time, embrace Christ because the latter is the head of the very institution that we have rejected (Ephesians 5:23). Our church may have its flaws, and some of them are far from perfect, but, as its members, we should expectedly be the last ones to cast the first stone (assuming that the practice of stone-throwing is justified).
Like a good husband who shields his wife and children from a straying bullet, we as members are expected to stand in the gap of our church not to cover up its leader’s sins but to work together to be peacemakers and to restore faith and hope in the midst of a leadership crisis. Note that we are called to stand in the gap and not to widen the gap; to build bridges and not to burn them; to extend a loving hand to the fallen and not to push them over the cliff. Ruth Bell Graham once said, “A happy marriage is the union of two forgivers.” In like manner, I would say that a happy church is the union of forgivers en mass. A marriage cannot survive unforgiveness just as a church cannot advance with bitterness and grudges among its members.
So, when we are tempted to quit church, or backstab it, I suggest we suspend that urge and reassess it on the following basis taken from the book, Why we love the Church, by authors Kevin Deyoung and Ted Kluck, with a little modification of my own.
Are we rejecting the Church or the faith? This is a legitimate question to ask ourselves. Men are prone to make excuses for everything to cover up for what is really their truest and deepest intention. We blame the church for the lack of leadership when it is really our lack of discipline that has caused our spiritual decline. One man once complained to a pastor that he hated his church because his wife was in love with another man in that church. When the pastor asked him to reveal the identity of the man so that he could counsel him, he barked, “My wife is in love with Jesus!” This is a typical case of skirting responsibility for the failure of one’s own marriage.
I think in life, what really matters is to do what is right and not be obsessed with being right. There is a huge difference of attitude in the two. Doing what is right is essentially others-centered. It is also an attitude of humility and personal responsibility. When we do what is right, we are putting the interests of others first. We are ensuring that our approach is one of self-examination and not being judgmental. In the end, what counts in doing what is right is that relationships are strengthened and trust restored. But the other attitude is one of self-centeredness. A person who is obsessed with being right is a “fault-pecker.” He is intolerant of others’ flaws but is blind to his very own. Since he must always be right, he cannot accept that he can ever be wrong. As such, the endgame for a fault-pecker is mistrust, bitterness and broken relationships. The motto of a person who does what is right is this, “Never let your stinking self get in the way of a good relationship.”
So, in the context of a church, doing what is right is to always examine our own intention. I believe that to have the ability to self-examine is to have the gift of perspective. And to have the gift of perspective is to be rewarded the prize of wisdom. I also believe that self-examination is the genuine mark of humility and maturity. When we dare to unravel the inner recess of our heart, peer long and hard into its hidden desires and motivation, we would be less incline to cast the first stone at our church. As one Indian proverb goes, “The more the mango tree flourishes, the more it droops.”
Are we expecting too much from our church and its leadership? We all want a church of true worshippers. We all want a church that excels in expository preaching of the word. We all want exciting programs, familiar faces, and always-smiling ushers with a firm tight handshake. We expect always-beaming pastors who will readily make house-calls when needed, cheerily conduct funerals when asked for, and promptly dispense with godly advice at the right time when counseling is sought. Most importantly, we expect our pastors to have much better temperament than our spouse. He is expected to be quick to listen, slow to anger and slow to speak, at all times. But is this realistic?
On this side of heaven, before His return when we are clothed in perfection and the incorruptible, our pastors will always wear their pants one leg at a time and still need to button their shirt with their own hands. What I mean is that they are as human as we are, if not more. Sure, they may be able to offer the other cheek to you and smile in the face of insults and persecution, but they do crack under pressure just like anyone of us. Remember that they are our leaders and not our incubators or our spiritual babysitters. In the end, we are all responsible for our own spiritual growth and accountable for our actions. So, when our leaders fail us, we should not be asking, “How come like that?” but, “How can I help?”
Lastly, are we trying to have our cake and eat it? This is a corollary of the above point. In the same way that we do not quit our marriage just because our spouse has more flaws that we would like to admit, we do not walk away from our church because it is not up to par. Attending a church is not like going shopping; you can always shelve back a can of sardine when you notice that there is a dent at one corner. You cannot do the same to your church without feeling like a wishy-washy Christian.
A church is not there to please everyone. It is not a massage parlor where an individual’s needs are satisfied to a tee. In fact, a church is there because of the Great Commission pronounced by Jesus to his disciples. Our pastors should bear in mind that running the church is not like running a political campaign. They are not out to win electoral votes by being people-pleasers. They should find favor with God and not men. As its members, we should take the same approach.
Let’s face it. The expectations of its members are too diverse and varied for the church to satisfy fully. Complaints about a church are endless. What is one member’s bliss is another’s hiss. In a large church, two groups may be exposed to the same worship leader on a given Sunday service with one group liking it because the songs are catchy and modern while the other group may hate it because the same songs are unfamiliar and worldly. One group may compliment the church for its systematic approach and another group may think it is too impersonal. One group may praise the church for its friendliness and another may accuse it of being hypocritical. One group may admire the church for its structured sermons and another may belittle it for not being dynamic and charismatic enough. You see how the twain will never mix just like oil and water.
So, let’s be practical, realistic and open-minded. We cannot have our cake and eat it. All churches come with the good and the bad. We accept our church not because of what we can get out of it but what we can give to it. We make up our church and its quality depends on the quality of each individual member. In the end, as expressed by author and senior pastor Peter Scazzero in his book The Emotionally Healthy Church, the goal is not to change the church but to change us – or rather, to allow God to change us.
Have a celebrative weekend…regardless of which team wins the Cup!
In 1 Timothy 3:2-7, the Bible demands that a pastor in general be a cut above the rest. Here is the passage for your mental digestion: “An overseer (pastor), then, must be above reproach, the husband of one wife, temperate, prudent, respectable, hospitable, able to teach, not addicted to wine, or pugnacious, but gentle, uncontentious, free from the love of money. He must be one who manages his own household well, keeping his children under control with all dignity (but if a man does not know how to manage his own household, how will he take care of the church of God?); and not a new convert, lest he become conceited and fall under the condemnation incurred by the devil. And he must have a good reputation with those outside the church, so that he may not fall into reproach and the snare of the devil.” Surely, one of the main criteria of a pastor is that of a good, loving and firm husband/father - one who is able to take care of his own household. Indeed, our faith is not just a public declaration; it is also a very private one.
Now tell me honestly, how many honest people, browsing through the classified ads, would have skipped pass a recruitment advertisement for a church leader if the qualities listed above were its prerequisites. It is indeed a high calling and it is not to be taken lightly.
While it is easy and convenient to make demands from our church leadership and expect almost perfect attributes from them, we as members must also turn the searchlight on ourselves to see whether we measure up as members. Remember that the church is an assembly of believers and its growth and expansion depend very much on its members as well as its leaders. It is a mutually reinforcing and beneficial relationship. Never underestimate the power of influence that the followers can have over their own leaders. I believe that good followers can be the byproduct of good leaders in the same way that good leaders can be a byproduct of good followers. Leaders and followers grow together and they also crash together. No leader can prosper under rebellious “followers” and vice versa. So, the focus here is on us, the members.
I believe that the union between each member and his/her church is a union no different from a marriage. The principles are equally applicable. It is a covenantal relationship. It is based on ministerial servitude and not contractual obligations where parties are made to sign on the bottom line. Members don’t expect any payment in return for their weekly services because, unlike a contract, the reward is not material or immediate. Neither do pastors get extra remuneration for visiting a member after office hours to counsel and pray over him or her. The sacrifices that members and their leaders make are premised upon a higher principle of selfless devotion in the replica of our heavenly model, Jesus. As such, we do not talk about lawsuits when its members fail in their service in church. In a contract, such failings would be deemed as a performance breach and the party in breach would be liable for its consequent damages to the innocent party. In the context of a church, a performance lapse or moral failure on the part of a member is usually forgiven or sometimes overlooked.
This union is special, and transcendent, because it is God-ordained. We are all one body of Christ, leaders and members alike. In Romans 12:5, it is written, “So, we who are many, are one body in Christ, and individually members one of another.” Although our actions are individualized, our purpose is unity-focused and driven by divine fiat in lockstep with the instructions of the Bible and the teachings of Christ. As such, Christianity is centered on people-relations and its work is people-transformation. We cannot practise Christianity in the privacy of our own home - carrying out a Sunday service of one. We cannot reject the Church and, at the same time, embrace Christ because the latter is the head of the very institution that we have rejected (Ephesians 5:23). Our church may have its flaws, and some of them are far from perfect, but, as its members, we should expectedly be the last ones to cast the first stone (assuming that the practice of stone-throwing is justified).
Like a good husband who shields his wife and children from a straying bullet, we as members are expected to stand in the gap of our church not to cover up its leader’s sins but to work together to be peacemakers and to restore faith and hope in the midst of a leadership crisis. Note that we are called to stand in the gap and not to widen the gap; to build bridges and not to burn them; to extend a loving hand to the fallen and not to push them over the cliff. Ruth Bell Graham once said, “A happy marriage is the union of two forgivers.” In like manner, I would say that a happy church is the union of forgivers en mass. A marriage cannot survive unforgiveness just as a church cannot advance with bitterness and grudges among its members.
So, when we are tempted to quit church, or backstab it, I suggest we suspend that urge and reassess it on the following basis taken from the book, Why we love the Church, by authors Kevin Deyoung and Ted Kluck, with a little modification of my own.
Are we rejecting the Church or the faith? This is a legitimate question to ask ourselves. Men are prone to make excuses for everything to cover up for what is really their truest and deepest intention. We blame the church for the lack of leadership when it is really our lack of discipline that has caused our spiritual decline. One man once complained to a pastor that he hated his church because his wife was in love with another man in that church. When the pastor asked him to reveal the identity of the man so that he could counsel him, he barked, “My wife is in love with Jesus!” This is a typical case of skirting responsibility for the failure of one’s own marriage.
I think in life, what really matters is to do what is right and not be obsessed with being right. There is a huge difference of attitude in the two. Doing what is right is essentially others-centered. It is also an attitude of humility and personal responsibility. When we do what is right, we are putting the interests of others first. We are ensuring that our approach is one of self-examination and not being judgmental. In the end, what counts in doing what is right is that relationships are strengthened and trust restored. But the other attitude is one of self-centeredness. A person who is obsessed with being right is a “fault-pecker.” He is intolerant of others’ flaws but is blind to his very own. Since he must always be right, he cannot accept that he can ever be wrong. As such, the endgame for a fault-pecker is mistrust, bitterness and broken relationships. The motto of a person who does what is right is this, “Never let your stinking self get in the way of a good relationship.”
So, in the context of a church, doing what is right is to always examine our own intention. I believe that to have the ability to self-examine is to have the gift of perspective. And to have the gift of perspective is to be rewarded the prize of wisdom. I also believe that self-examination is the genuine mark of humility and maturity. When we dare to unravel the inner recess of our heart, peer long and hard into its hidden desires and motivation, we would be less incline to cast the first stone at our church. As one Indian proverb goes, “The more the mango tree flourishes, the more it droops.”
Are we expecting too much from our church and its leadership? We all want a church of true worshippers. We all want a church that excels in expository preaching of the word. We all want exciting programs, familiar faces, and always-smiling ushers with a firm tight handshake. We expect always-beaming pastors who will readily make house-calls when needed, cheerily conduct funerals when asked for, and promptly dispense with godly advice at the right time when counseling is sought. Most importantly, we expect our pastors to have much better temperament than our spouse. He is expected to be quick to listen, slow to anger and slow to speak, at all times. But is this realistic?
On this side of heaven, before His return when we are clothed in perfection and the incorruptible, our pastors will always wear their pants one leg at a time and still need to button their shirt with their own hands. What I mean is that they are as human as we are, if not more. Sure, they may be able to offer the other cheek to you and smile in the face of insults and persecution, but they do crack under pressure just like anyone of us. Remember that they are our leaders and not our incubators or our spiritual babysitters. In the end, we are all responsible for our own spiritual growth and accountable for our actions. So, when our leaders fail us, we should not be asking, “How come like that?” but, “How can I help?”
Lastly, are we trying to have our cake and eat it? This is a corollary of the above point. In the same way that we do not quit our marriage just because our spouse has more flaws that we would like to admit, we do not walk away from our church because it is not up to par. Attending a church is not like going shopping; you can always shelve back a can of sardine when you notice that there is a dent at one corner. You cannot do the same to your church without feeling like a wishy-washy Christian.
A church is not there to please everyone. It is not a massage parlor where an individual’s needs are satisfied to a tee. In fact, a church is there because of the Great Commission pronounced by Jesus to his disciples. Our pastors should bear in mind that running the church is not like running a political campaign. They are not out to win electoral votes by being people-pleasers. They should find favor with God and not men. As its members, we should take the same approach.
Let’s face it. The expectations of its members are too diverse and varied for the church to satisfy fully. Complaints about a church are endless. What is one member’s bliss is another’s hiss. In a large church, two groups may be exposed to the same worship leader on a given Sunday service with one group liking it because the songs are catchy and modern while the other group may hate it because the same songs are unfamiliar and worldly. One group may compliment the church for its systematic approach and another group may think it is too impersonal. One group may praise the church for its friendliness and another may accuse it of being hypocritical. One group may admire the church for its structured sermons and another may belittle it for not being dynamic and charismatic enough. You see how the twain will never mix just like oil and water.
So, let’s be practical, realistic and open-minded. We cannot have our cake and eat it. All churches come with the good and the bad. We accept our church not because of what we can get out of it but what we can give to it. We make up our church and its quality depends on the quality of each individual member. In the end, as expressed by author and senior pastor Peter Scazzero in his book The Emotionally Healthy Church, the goal is not to change the church but to change us – or rather, to allow God to change us.
Have a celebrative weekend…regardless of which team wins the Cup!
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